Galaxy Champions TV (Review for Nintendo Switch, Steam)

I don’t like Smash TV at all. You’d think that’d make me want to skip a game that invokes the legacy of Smash TV to such a heavy degree that it even includes the “TV” part of the title in its own name. Well, it’s simple: I like games that take the core gameplay concepts of classic games and refine them for a modern experience. I don’t even need to like the original game to enjoy the end result of such a project. That’s already been the case once with Smash TV once here at Indie Gamer Chick. As of this review, Iron Crypticle, which swaps out the futuristic game show theme for a medieval swords and sorcery one, is ranked #14 on the IGC Leaderboard. That puts it in the top 97.7 percentile of all games I’ve ever reviewed. And I hate Smash TV, so that should speak to how open I am to enjoying a proper tribute to a game I dislike.

In fact, Galaxy Champions TV is *supposed* to have a game show theme as well. But, unlike Smash TV, the theme is vastly underutilized here. It just doesn’t feel like a game show. There’s a cheering crowd, but that’s it. They really needed to ham it up with commentary, cut scenes, maybe parody commercials. Something. ANYTHING!

Well, I don’t like Galaxy Champions TV. But at the same time, I think Smash TV fans would very much enjoy this. That’s just a guess, and I can only speak for myself, but GCTV sure seems like it’s been something they’ve wanted for a long time now. Well, up to a point. Though it doesn’t quite nail the gameshow immersion.. or really, get it right at all.. Galaxy Champions TV features a variety of upgrades that are permanent once purchased. It turns the grind of simply progressing into a grind where you get stronger as you go along. I’ve always kind of liked that type of grinding. And, while the variety of weapons is relatively small, there’s enough options and extra abilities you can unlock that it turns the Smash TV formula into one that’s kind of rewarding.

BUT, it’s still just basically Smash TV. You start levels in the center of a stark, empty room surrounded by doors. Swarming enemies pour out of the doors, which you then run from while shooting using twin-stick mechanics. While you don’t get to choose which path to take on the map (always moving to the door to the right), and there’s no catchphrase-spewing host or BIG MONEY BIG PRIZES shit, the actual gameplay absolutely nails the feel. Sometimes when I give a game a negative review, the asinine response from fanboys or “critics” that nobody realistically give a shit about is “did it achieve what it set out to do?” It’s the stupidest defense of a bad game ever, since for all we know, the game set out to simply not crash when booting up. But, with Galaxy Champions TV, yea, it sort of does do what it set out to do. Whether that’s a good thing or not is completely dependent on whether or not like you like the source material.

I only made it to the first half of the third level. But, I took down two bosses, neither of which are sponge baths. In fact, I took down the first boss on my very first attempt and the second boss in two tries. That sure beats spending ten minutes pumping bullets into the bosses in Smash.

Smash TV was hard. Well, no shit. It was created to earn money one quarter at a time, and if players last long, it ain’t earning quarters. But, difficulty is NOT the defining memory of Smash TV. The gameshow stuff is. It would seem that the developers latched onto the challenge as the primary selling point of the game and not, you know, the incredible theme and immersive setting. Because Galaxy Champions TV is so absurdly difficult, and crosses so many lines into unfairness, that I struggle to think even the most masochist golden age gamer would defend it. While you get stronger as you make progress, by the second world the enemies start triggering environmental hazards that make progress next to impossible. Take this shit for example:

Imagine playing ANY level of Smash TV, or any twin-stick shooter.. or any game EVER.. where enemies were capable of completely blocking 80% of the player’s view in a way that lingers for a few seconds at a time. One of the most baffling design decisions that was allowed to be in the final product I’ve ever seen in eight years of reviewing games. What the FUCK were they thinking?

This is only the second of four worlds. There’s enemies that can unleash long-lingering screen-blockage. In a game based on fast-moving, swarming enemies. Oh, and there’s mines on the ground, usually three per room. And it gets even worse. See that green puddle peeking out? Yea, those can be entirely covered by the clouds and cause damage if you step on them. There can also be pink puddles that glue you to the floor. There’s a dash mechanic that you can upgrade that somewhat shields you, but if you don’t shoot down the cloud things (which are the fastest moving enemies I’ve encountered), you have to deal with that much obstruction. This is absolutely unreasonable and beyond ridiculous.

The fully-upgraded flamethrower feels satisfying to use.. until it actively starts to contribute to the screen spamming that makes following the action so difficult.

The issue becomes that Galaxy Champions TV is so reliant on overwhelming odds and unfair situations to create challenge that when you do win, it feels like you were the beneficiary of dumb luck via weapon and item drops. Hell, when I finally beat the first level it was because the enemies dropped so many shields and hearts for me that I was basically being IV-fed them. In any other circumstance, I’d died and started the world over. The one positive I can say is once you finish a planet, you don’t have to start over from the beginning when you game over. Good thing, since you’ll die a lot. And thus, Galaxy Champions TV reveals its biggest flaw: like so many punishing games before it, it makes the mistake in believing the highlight to players is the deaths. It’s not. It’s when you actually survive. But, it has to feel you survived based on your play, and not because you got lucky. I always felt lucky with health or shield drops when I progressed in Galaxy Champions TV. Given that it gets to the point where you can’t even follow the action, I think most people will feel a sense of luck rather than accomplishment.

Really, Galaxy Champions TV is commendable because the movement, shooting, and weapons feel properly tuned, and the upgrades succeed in making you feel like you’re getting more powerful. But, the complete lack of enemy balance undoes all of that. Just before publication of this review, after many, many hours of gameplay, I purchased the final upgrade I had remaining while on the third world of the game. But this occurred on a level with enemies that fire what appear to be Spartan Lasers, enemies that dash at you (mind you, the dashing ones are that world’s most basic enemies), enemies that plant themselves and cause telekinetic explosions across the screen, and respawning landmines so subtly placed that you can’t possibly see them or keep track of them among all the chaos. The game becomes so busy and incomprehensible that I no longer felt like I was accomplishing anything and surviving came down to luck. It was like watching pixels of a screen saver going to war.

The main factor in my final quit was that I just couldn’t tell what was going on anymore. Galaxy Champions TV is too visually noisy. It would be like a Where’s Waldo shooting game.

So, I didn’t like Galaxy Champions TV. Will Smash TV fans? I can’t speak for them. If they want a game that nails the feel (if not the theme) but feels somewhat fresh and modern, this is the game they’ve been waiting for. I can’t recommend it to anyone else. The line between a good tribute, a bad tribute, and a GREAT tribute isn’t as thin as some would suggest. A good tribute is easy to recommend to fans of the game being honored. A great tribute is easy to recommend to even those who hated the original. I could do that with Iron Crypticle, ergo it must have been great. With Galaxy Champions TV, I only can guess that fans will like it, but once I reached the late second world, I even questioned if they would tolerate it. I still think it’s probably worth a look for Smash TV fans, and Smash TV fans only. It pains me to say this, because I’ve ALWAYS hated the assholes who use this term, but this is the one instance where I feel it’s actually true: Galaxy Champions TV does what it sets out to do. You have no idea how much it hurts me to say that. As for everyone else, I can’t recommend you buy it, even for a dollar.

Galaxy Champions TV was developed by aQuadiun Games
Point of Sale: Nintendo Switch, Steam

$4.89 (Normally $6.99) didn’t get to play this co-op because her family says she has “anger issues” in the making of this review. I do not.

A review copy was supplied to for this review, after which I purchased a pre-order copy. All indies reviewed at Indie Gamer Chick are paid for by me out of pocket. For more on this policy, read my FAQ.

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