Wright Brothers’ Mysteries

Oh my God.

Oh.

My.

GOD!!

I can’t believe I live in a world where Wright Brothers’ Mysteries exists.  It’s bad.  Bad bad.  Endearingly bad, yes, but endearingly bad is still bad.  Devoid of anything positive to say about any aspect of it’s design.  Hell, there’s really not a whole lot of game here.  Watch cut scenes that were apparently made using The Movies (the opening credits show the intro to The Movies), maybe answer a question about that scene, do the occasional amateurish quick-time-event, and that’s it.  Fifteen minutes tops.  Fifteen unintentionally hilarious, flat-out fucking weird minutes.  Surreal in ways I’ve only heard in descriptions of drug intoxication.

The sad part is, if I squint just a little bit, the dude on the right looks kind of like my boyfriend.

The sad part is, if I squint just a little bit, the dude on the right looks kind of like my boyfriend.

The story?  Incomprehensible.  The dialog?  So disjointed and unnatural that it’s practically alien.  The voice acting?  Awful accents, unemotional tones, and delivery so bad that it sounds like it was pieced together with a sound board.  The game?  There is no game.  Two quick-time events, one of which involves picking a lock and the other which necessitates restarting a heart.  That’s really the extend of any “game” function.  Otherwise, you get to watch horrible cut scenes play out.  I spent the first couple minutes rolling my eyes.

And then the Ninja showed up, and I started laughing.

I didn’t stop laughing for ten minutes.  Every single word spoken, every terribly choreographed fight scene where continuity changes from camera angle to camera angle, and just the overall awfulness of the whole mess.  Wright Brothers’ Mysteries made me fall to the floor in a rolling laughter that made my sides hurt and tears run down my cheeks.  I’ve never laughed harder at any game.  Not in a good way, mind you.  Wright Brothers’ Mysteries is the brand new Worst Game I’ve ever played in my entire life.  It’s awful.  But hypnotically so.  I can’t really say you should buy it.  There’s already videos on YouTube that show you the full game, like this one.  It’s just awful.  I don’t know how far unintentional comedy goes towards redeeming something this bad.  I guess that’s in the eye of the beholder.  For me, Wright Brothers’ Mysteries made me laugh until I was clutching my sides and my stomach in agony, not to mention the headache.  I could have probably been trampled by a marching band made entirely of tuba players and walked away in better shape.

xboxboxartWright Brothers’ Mysteries was developed by Archor Games

80 Microsoft Points honestly aren’t sure if this game wasn’t some gigantic gag against the entire XBLIG scene in the making of this review.

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About Indie Gamer Chick
The most read Xbox Live Indie Game critic in the world.

10 Responses to Wright Brothers’ Mysteries

  1. J-R says:

    I should’ve known better than to expect something good from Anchor games.

  2. argamae says:

    And your boyfriend hangs out with Harry Potter or who is the guy on the left? 🙂
    I was put off by the terrible cover and preview pics on XBLIG so I missed all the “fun”…

  3. Nathan says:

    I wanna buy it just to giggle. xD

    I used to love the Movies Game. Well, still do.

  4. I think it’s pretty ingenious to use The Movies for the cut scenes. It might not be the best animation in the world, but you can throw together a decent little animation in about an hour. I just don’t get why they used that weird filter, or is that only in the trailer video? Please say it is.

  5. Honestly, I was disappointed when I learned that this game is not about Orville and Wilbur. I’m probably one of the few who would enjoy a game about their adventures to build the first airplane.

  6. Pingback: Investigate This: Scarecrow! | Indie Gamer Chick

  7. Andy Andy says:

    I got the game for both xbox and ipad.

    It reminds me of the hardy boys.

  8. Chris says:

    The Hardy Boys with a budget of a YouTube-only series.

  9. Pingback: Tiny Galaxy | Indie Gamer Chick

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