Ovary Overload and Spermatozoon

Ovary Overload is a twin-stick shooter where you take the role of an unfertilized egg that tries to defend itself from being inseminated.  By sperm.  I wish there was some wacky gameplay hook to go with this, but no, it really is just shooting slow-moving sperm with an unfertilized egg.  Sure, the sperm comes in multiple colors, suggesting that the chick this egg belongs to got jiggy with the entire cast of Power Rangers, but that’s it.  Shoot sperm.  There’s a few weapons upgrades and large sperm boss (that presumably comes from Megazord), but there is nothing here that hasn’t been done so much better a million times before.  When the entire hook of your game is “a slower, crappier version of Robotron, only you shoot sperm” you probably need to go back to the drawing board.  Sorry for the short review, but there is nothing else to talk about.

Ovary Overload. Conception has never been this boring.

Wait, there’s another sperm-based XBLIG?  Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh hey, actually this one isn’t bad at all.  It’s called Spermatozoon.  Here, you play as the sperm, shooting them at the egg.  Surrounding the egg is a series of rotating walls, or “contraceptives.”  The walls typically have gaps in them.  While it begs the question as to who the fuck makes contraceptives with holes in them (probably diaper companies, the shady pricks), it actually makes for a really fun, old-time arcadey shooter.  The hook is, you can’t actually move the sperms around yourself, nor select which one you want to fire.  They surround the egg, and you fire them one-at-a-time.  You only need one shot to get to the egg to win, while any shots that hit the walls punch a hole in them.  Does sperm really do that?  How come used condoms don’t look like they were attacked by millions of little termites every time someone finishes with one?

The gimmick is absurd, but the game is fun.  There’s 53 levels, all with different twists to the formula.  Sometimes the walls are unbreakable.  Sometimes the sperm has to slowly pass through a wall of water.  Sometimes the water carries it around the board.  Another question: where the hell are these people having sex at where they’re getting destructible condoms with preexisting holes in them that have water spinning around in them?  A spa?  A hurricane?  I thought for a second this might not be human sperm, but it makes a distinctive “YEE HAW!” when it penetrates the egg, so obviously we’re talking about Texan sperm here.  I’m not sure what in Texas would encompass all the above.  A semi-aquatic Swiss-cheese themed rodeo?

I have an alternate name for Spermatozoon: Hardon Collider.

Spermatozoon is certainly worth a look, but it’s got some pretty nasty flaws too.  Difficulty doesn’t scale properly.  Over the course of fifty-three levels, I had at least three instances where I would get stuck on a stage, go through multiple rounds of failure, then immediately finish the next stage or two in one single shot.  Later in the game, the walls rotate so fast and are so dense that there’s no room for strategy or aiming.  You just mash the buttons and wait for the miracle of life to play out.  That’s disappointing, because the concept is so good, it should lend itself to more levels that allow you to carefully, patiently wait for the perfect shot.  I also didn’t find the multiplayer very compelling.  It’s the same game, only the sperm are divided up between two to four players.  It didn’t really feel competitive or cooperative.  It was just sort of there.  I had more fun just playing by myself.  I’m not sure if that counts as masturbation with a game like this.  I probably should do a couple rosaries just in case.

Either way, Spermatozoon is really fun and I totally recommend it.  Personally, it has got to be one of the biggest surprises I’ve come across on XBLIG.  Even with a stupid, immature theme designed to appeal to the kind of twits that giggle when someone says “erect”, it’s a good game, and that’s all I’ve ever cared about.  It could be a game themed around removing lint from the crack of a hippopotamus’ ass, and I’ll still recommend it if it’s a good game.  By the way, I hear their next game involves removing lint from the crack of a hippopotamus’ ass.  I’m really excited for it.

Ovary Overload was developed by Ralem Productions

Spermatozoon was developed by Charco Studios

80 Microsoft Points each came from the sperm of Lord Zed and the egg of Rita Repulsa in the making of this review.

Spermatozoon is Chick Approved.  Ovary Overload isn’t.  You can check to see where Spermatozoon ranks on the Leaderboard

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16 Responses to Ovary Overload and Spermatozoon

  1. Argamae says:

    Well, this review clearly went off half-cocked. It is ovarly devoid of puns. Master Bates will not be happy about it, nor will Peter File. Her whole article is sementically not booby-trapped. So do my self a favor and don’t screw up next time.

    (*Sigh* Okay, that is the worst I could come up with, being a non-native speaker.)

    Well, there is one thing I actually learned from this double review: fighting impregnation is less fun than receiving it.

  2. Jimmy Page says:

    Damn it I know someone will make a game out of removing lint from the crack of a hippopotamus’ ass now. I just know its going to happen just because the idea has been put out there.

  3. CJ says:

    And if the hippo asscrack lint removal game reaches 10000 sales or more, people will actually start copying it.

  4. CJ says:

    Guaranteed 100,000 sale game: Zombies are picking lint out of the asses of my hippopotamuses!

  5. drake1993 says:

    yea i giggled . ..just a bit -_-

  6. Joe says:

    This website sucks big black cock and so do all of your followers. Look at the top 10!! A bunch of shitty games and one good game. Guess what the only good game is? A fucking zombie game. “Oh this game is so original because you are a goat” Oh Chester the boring ass platforming child molester is the best game evarr!!” Chompy fucking chomp chomp? Are you kidding me? This shit is a joke and if you weren’t a girl nobody would even read your half-assed talentless reviews so go fuck yourself everyone you nerdy 50 year old basement dwelling shitty motherfucking terrible wannabe developers. FUUUUUCKCKCKKKC

  7. CJ says:

    Haha, how DID this comment pass peer review? Oh, no one wanted to piss the guy off, for fear that he would reciprocate fails in the future and stop other people from getting their games onto the XBLIG service, so we pass it so other people can review our games, screw the system! XD

    The XBLIG peer review system is so bad! You have to sit there, and play other people’s ALPHAS(I’ve found many Indie Games in the playtest+review forums don’t even qualify as betas) and even then, there’s no guarantee your game in review will be passed within a reasonable amount of time(or playtested in the same way). And it’s volunteer work! You don’t get compensated in any way to do that stuff, and most of the games going through the pipeline range from average to TERRIBLE!*

    That’s why games with adult/rule-breaking content frequently pass through peer review. Because with a system like this being as broken as it is, why waste the time to actually dig through these games and find problems(hint: a lot of them aren’t worth playing the first time)? The path of least resistance is actually the most rewarding, which is to blindly pass the game so it won’t clog the review queue and other games can come through and also so you can save people the trouble of having to play the game to accomplish a mundane chore of getting it out of the review queue themselves.

    Of course, anyone who is actually doing that will never tell you this… ;)

    *=Doesnt include diamonds in the rough, on XBLIG they’re a rarity compared to all the junk.

  8. An XBLIG Guy says:

    The Peer Review process is not perfect. No system is – just ask the guys applying for GreenLight. However, it’s an ingenious, low-maintenance procedure, and when it breaks is mostly the community’s fault:
    * That thing about the Retaliation scare is just a myth. When you fail a game, the rejection notice is sent anonymously, so there is no way the developers know who failed them. Of course, if you go and put on their forum that you were the one that failed it, then by all means, get ready for what will come next.
    * As an XBLIG Guy, I have failed an average of 40% of the games I review. To my surprise, none of them have engaged in retaliation. In fact, they review and pass my game (if applicable), and some of them have even complimented it.
    * As a reviewer, you don’t have to pass a game if you think it is not complete. You can always post a note in the forum and walk away.

    Just my two cents ^_^

  9. CJ says:

    I hate that system. I think that’s the only part that isn’t the XBLIG team’s fault… you know, aside from the whole vote manipulation incident. XBLIG Guy, you’re probably one of the few folks who slows the system down by doing things RIGHT. XD The XBLIG peer review system should’ve been like WP, where people who got paid did the grunt work.

  10. Pingback: Space Crüesader « Indie Gamer Chick

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