Blow Me Up
August 12, 2011 1 Comment
The Xbox Live Indie Game marketplace sometimes reminds me of a thrift outlet in the middle of nowhere. You’ll find great prices on products that sound oddly familiar, like Magnosonic or Reebonike. You’ll try to convince yourself that it’s the same product and the big players just pay for advertising. Chances are whatever you buy will fall apart within weeks and possibly catch your house on fire in the process. But sometimes that Crapple ePad you bought turns out to be a pretty good deal. Blow Me Up is feels like a thrift outlet version of ‘Splosion Man. But its honestly not that bad.
You play as a dude who looks like Bart Simpson mated with SpongeBob SquarePants. In order to move him you point him in the direction you want to go, then charge up your power. When you let go, an explosion will send him and anything within the blast radius flying. You have a limited amount of power that gets used up based on how much you make your dude explode. The object is to get to what looks like a pool of semen to clear each stage.
In some stages, you instead play as a pig that has to blow up all the other animals on the stage. I found these to be a bit dull and nowhere near as challenging. There’s thirty levels to play with, the final of which is just a useless semi-sandbox to fuck around in. I found the puzzles to be fairly easy to figure out and rarely hard to pull off. There were one or two times where I was momentary frustrated to the point where I was grateful there was nobody within stabbing distance of me, but otherwise Blow Me Up is breezy.
It’s also pretty fun too. Yea, Blow Me Up feels like the skid row version of ‘Splosion Man. I’m sure it will be a hit though. The adult themes are sure to draw in the tween crowd who get their rocks off on anything that has the most vaguely defined sexual content in it. It’s the reason why my review of Trailer Park King has more views at IndieGamerChick.com than all other games combined, most of which come from a key word search for “trailer park king nudity.” Really people? Are you that desperate? Wouldn’t a Google search for actual nudity be more helpful? It makes me think that if someone wants to make a smash hit Xbox Live Indie Game, they should just make one about an anamorphic cock looking for its long lost vagina. Don’t think it would get past the Microsoft censors? It already did, and they called it Halo.
80 Microsoft Points believe Gears of War is just an allegory for erectile dysfunction as well in the making of this review.