Tuffy the Corgi and the Tower of Bones

Action Button Entertainment is really good at making fun, simple, tough-as-nails games, but it’s even better at making commercials for them. If you don’t want to play Tuffy the Corgi and the Tower of Bones after watching this ad, I don’t know what your deal even is:

Tuffy the Corgi is just as fun and adorable as it sounds. The controls (hit a button or the screen on the left to turn, on the right to jump) are exactly the same as the last game I reviewed, Spacepants. Except instead of spacepants propelling the protagonist ever forward, it’s boundless corgi energy. Tuffy jumps and bounces up the enormous Tower of Bones, trying to collect all 108 bones along the way and wearing the most precious little pink cape. It is very, very cute and very, very hard.

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The level design is fantastic: insanely difficult but fair. The graphics and music are cute and delightful. The game generally feels very tight and precise. A lot of developers make little effort to make the basic movements and mechanics of a game pleasurable (I recently tried to play Kingdom Hearts again and found it very hard to push through the jerky, unnatural running and jumping mechanics), but this has never been a problem for Action Button Entertainment. When Tuffy lands from a great distance, s/he stands still for a brief moment to give the player a moment to adjust to the new location. Little common sense touches like those are crucial to an excellent video game, but many developers, whether big companies or tiny indies, let them slip by. 

Unfortunately, the fact that the game is one huge level with no checkpoints could be a turnoff for a lot of people. With the popularity of Dark Souls and the return of roguelikes, being extremely unforgiving is in vogue. It’s a trait I often quite enjoy in games. But there’s so much tower to see and most people are probably not going to see much it, as the game starts out difficult and never lets up. The ad claims Tuffy the Corgi is harder than Dark Souls. It is. By quite a margin.

Tim Rogers, chief of Act2014-06-27-015856ion Button Entertainment (and my heart), says Tuffy the Corgi was inspired by the time he played through Super Mario Bros 3 without dying or taking a hit. I think Tuffy the Corgi does successfully capture the feeling of speedrunning a beloved old platformer. The aesthetics, mechanic, and level design create that mixture of tension, urgency and joy. But that style of gameplay won’t always appeal to everyone; I could definitely understand if someone didn’t want to spend $5.99 to play through the opening moments of a game dozens of times. I believe in the vision behind the choice to make it a single, long, nearly insurmountable challenge, but I still think it would have been a good idea to include the option of having checkpoints. 

Even though I still haven’t made it very far up the tower and I’ve played the beginning so, so many times, I’m still enjoying it quite a lot. If you’re the type of person to play through your favorite games with arbitrary, difficult restrictions, then you would probably love Tuffy the Corgi and the Tower of Bones.

IGTlogo-01

Tuffy the Corgi and2014-06-27-020323 the Tower of Bones was developed by Action Button Entertainment for the Playstation Mobile platform.

$5.99 is upset this game tracks your deaths and how many bones you’ve collected, as the ratio is not flattering.

Calling All Past and Present Xbox Live Indie Game Developers!

A week from tomorrow marks the third year anniversary of Indie Gamer Chick. I honestly can’t believe three years have already passed. My life has been enriched so much by this whole thing, it just made time fly by. I’ve played some incredible games, and met some of my dearest friends. And I owe it to one segment of the community in particular: the Xbox Live Indie Game development community. I knew nothing about game development when I started this blog on July 1, 2011. I simply wanted to play stuff that would be experimental or unconventional. Okay, so the indie scene isn’t always full of titles that qualify as either of those, but the endless supply of superb old-school homages, or creative new angles on old concepts, more than makes up for it.

Yes, there’s still people working on XBLIGs. But now, what little attention the platform once got is now generally focused on the new generation of game consoles. The once small but proud XBLIG community has grown apart. And that breaks my heart. The drifting away stuff, that’s part of nature. It happens after school, after college, after a job, after moving, after marriage, or after a death. And even though you know it’s coming some day, it always hurts when it happens. I stay in touch with a lot of developers, and some of them I treasure my relationships with. They’re precious to me. But the sense of community? It’s gone, and I suspect it won’t soon come back. At least not the same way. XBLIGs were the smallest of underdogs in a scene where everyone is, by definition, an underdog. But with that came a sense of passion, camaraderie, and kinship? I miss that. I think we all do.

I don’t make games. I’ll likely never make my own game. But, I was part of the scene. The XBLIG development scene. I was accepted, embraced, and even treated with reverence. Did I deserve it? Probably not. But I’ll never forget it. No matter where life takes any of us, I know I’ll always consider myself an XBLIG chick. And I know I’m not the only person who will always look back on my time in the XBLIG community with a sense of pride. So, I want to hear from you.

An Indie Gamer Chick tradition is a community-wide editorial on my site’s anniversary. This year, I want Xbox Live Indie Game developers, past and present, to tell me your best memories of the XBLIG development and the community that supported it. I want this to be all positive. No bitching about the lack of support from Microsoft, or developers you felt were lazy in their efforts, or the time your paycheck was late, or your lack of sales, or any of a hundred other problems. Nobody would ever accuse XBLIG of being a perfect platform. But the community? If not perfect, it was as close to perfect as it could be.

I’m looking for two to three paragraphs from each developer. If you feel the need to go longer, go for it. Just send me your memories and favorite moments in an unformated email by July 1, 2014 with the subject line “XBLIG Memories”. Make sure you include a list of the games you published to XBLIG in the email, and a link to your development site (if you’re still making games for XBLIG or elsewhere).

No, this isn’t me trying to bring the community back. This is me wanting to show the world that we had the best gaming community that ever existed. The memories of which will never fade. I’m an XBLIG chick and proud of it, and I want to show people what I had.

Octodad: Dadliest Catch

I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I think I’m the only writer out there that truly “gets” Octodad. A lot of people think it’s a quirky indie adventure game based around unworkable play control and a wacky hijinks story of an octopus trying to blend in undetected in a relatively normal society.

But it’s not.

No, my friends. Octodad is really about the grim realities of living with Parkinson’s disease.

Hear me out on this.

In Octodad, even the most mundane tasks are an exercise in frustration. Let’s say you want to, oh, open a door. In real life, you reach out and turn the door knob. It takes a second, if that. In Octodad, you have to slowly move your jittery tentacle into position, which can take a shocking amount of patience-trying effort. Then you have to click the door knob. Then you have to actually pass through the door without accidentally closing it again, or tying yourself in a knot around the hinges of the door. There were times where it took me several minutes to walk through the threshold of a passage. I wish I could say this only happened once. But it happened again and again. The whole time shaking like I had just slammed twenty pots of coffee.

I trash every wedding at a church I go to as well. Not because I have trouble moving though, just for the lulz.

I trash every wedding at a church I go to as well. Not because I have trouble moving though, just for the lulz.

Whimsical adventure game? No. A dark look into the demoralizing reality those unfortunate among us have to face on a daily basis.

And then there’s the family. The ones that never notice he’s an “octopus.” I’m sure they completely failed to realize that their father trashed the entire kitchen just trying to get a cup of coffee. Or tramples all the flowers trying to pull a couple of weeds out of a garden. Or utterly destroys an entire grocery store trying to grab a soda. No, this isn’t a family in denial. This is a family who doesn’t want Daddy to feel different. Because, if they get him down, it might destroy him emotionally. Not something you want to do when already he’s being destroyed physically.

No?

Okay, how about alcoholism?

Yea, I’ll just move on.

Not a single movement or action in Octodad isn’t a pain in the ass to pull off. Those watching me play on Indie Gamer Chick TV thought it was hilarious. Meanwhile, I went through so many different emotions that I’m sure I created a new, Octodad-based form of bipolar disorder. Sometimes I was swearing like a sailor, so angry that nobody in the room with me would have been surprised if my head suddenly exploded. Other times I came close to burying my head in my hands and crying over how utterly useless I was at moving around or interacting with anything. I’ve never been a fan of any game that’s challenge is based on how God-damn difficult it is to control, but Octodad takes that to a whole new level. Using both sticks, the triggers, and the X button to both walk and interact with objects never felt intuitive for me. Some people are better able to get the hang of it (hell, there are speed-runners that finish the whole fucking thing in twenty minutes, the freaks), but for me, it just always felt broken.

Speaking of broken, I heard from many fans of the game that the PS4 version is noted for being unstable. I noticed this a few times myself. In one section at an aquarium, you have to lead your daughter through a maze of jellyfish exhibits using only a lantern. Once you get past this, the girl is supposed to notice one of the scientists her father is scared of and ask for the lantern back, allowing you to walk up the stairs. Well, when I played, that part never happened. Even though we walked all across that area, she never hit the specific spot on the floor that promoted the next part of the story to continue. I walked around, trying to activate it, but it wouldn’t happen. My viewers who had completed the game were confused. I was angry. I restarted from my previous load and it failed to happen again. The second time had the added bonus of the daughter pinning my character up against the wall where I was unable to wiggle myself free. This did activate a prompt, though not one in the game. The prompt was in me, and it activated “lose my shit” mode. Controller thrown, console turned off, and Octodad could choke on its own suckers and die.

Actual screencap from the spot that glitched out on me. I had to turn off Octodad and turn it back on to get the girl to do what she was supposed to do. Most of my viewers insisted the PC version was nowhere near as frustrating as the PS4 version. But, I paid for the PS4 version, so that didn't really help me all that much. They really need to fix this port.

Actual screencap from the spot that glitched out on me. I had to turn off Octodad and turn it back on to get the girl to do what she was supposed to do. Most of my viewers insisted the PC version was nowhere near as frustrating as the PS4 version. But, I paid for the PS4 version, so that didn’t really help me all that much. They really need to fix this port.

When stuff like this wasn’t happening, it wasn’t rare for me to somehow get an arm tied up in an object, or get stuck between two objects, or wrapped around something and unable to untangle myself. By default, the game sets you to be transparent. I found this to be hugely unsatisfactory. It made figuring out the position of your arms difficult to determine. Without transparency, you’ll have your character obscure the view (especially since the controls necessitate the game being based on fixed-camera angles) and struggle to see stuff you’re reaching for. There’s just no comfortable way to play it, but I feel transparency is the harder way to go. The main “challenge” is actually supposed to be going about the day without making anyone suspect you’re really an octopus in disguise. A lot of this involves not causing any property damage (ha) or doing stealthy stuff (HA!).  I usually play whatever indie I’m reviewing on whatever the default difficulty is, but I gave up on that shit here and set it to easy mode, which disables the ability to get caught. Shameful? Unquestionably. But, as my neighbors who have seen me skinny dipping in my pool will attest to, I have NO shame.

BUT, I did want to see how it ended. I’ll admit, I liked the story and the characters. Especially Octodad. He clearly loves his new wife and children and wants to be a good father. Well, except when I play as him. I tried to murder my family with an axe during the tutorial, but it wouldn’t let me. Anyway, it’s a strange juxtaposition, as the octopus is posing as a human, but he’s also very sincere and sympathetic. I actually think they missed out on having more dramatic, heartfelt moments. The daddy is very expressive and able to jerk a few tears out of you when need be, but Dadliest’s Catch is primarily focused on humor. It does humor very well, and there are multiple laugh-out loud moments. I wish I could say the torturous gameplay was worth playing to see it all, but it’s not. Not even close.

Ironically, this is also what my room looked like after an hour with Octodad.

Ironically, this is also what my room looked like after an hour with Octodad.

Viewers will note that I had to have someone else play a flashback sequence on a ship. Unfortunately, I had a seizure while playing Octodad, which was my fault, and not the fault of developers Young Horses. As someone who lives with epilepsy, I always assume a risk when I play games, and sometimes that risk becomes reality. But it’s a good thing I did. A golfing buddy of mine named Jerrod volunteered to finish the section for me. After handing me back the controller, he said “you’ve really spent a couple of hours with this? Wow,  you’re way more patient than anyone gives you credit for.” I’m not really. There were multiple times where I almost quit. And despite getting a few belly laughs from the dialog or the background humor, I never once, even for a split second, enjoyed any aspect of actually playing Octodad: The Dadliest Catch. It is a game, after all. I can get humor from any source, including other games. I play games to enjoy an interactive experience. Octodad fights the concept of enjoyment every step of the way. I’m pretty surprised that it’s as popular as it is. Well, not really I suppose. It’s an indie game with an absurd concept, self-depreciating humor, funded through Kickstarter, and anyone who complains about the controls is just being a crybaby. It was practically preordained to get glowing reviews before it even released. I tip my hat to the developer for actually making me tear up a bit for the big family hug at the end. But this was one of my least favorite experiences playing a game in 2014. Octodad has one big heart but no legs to stand on. Which is ironic because it really should have three hearts and eight legs to stand on.

Octodad logoOctodad: The Dadliest Catch was developed by Young Horses

$14.99 tried to auto-correct “tentacles” when I misspelled it to “testicles” in the making of this review. I hope like hell that doesn’t give them an idea for the sequel.

 

The Counting Kingdom – Preview

The kids are finally starting their summer “break.” As a cruel and unusual father, I find that it is now the perfect time to start piling up educational material to keep my children’s young minds sharp and ready to learn. Thanks to “The Counting Kingdom”, math practice will be a bit more fun for my boys during the summer doldrums.

The Counting Kingdom 1The Counting Kingdom is a turn-based tower defense game where a young wizard is defending castles using his mathematical magic skills. Each turn, the player can select a single monster or a group of monsters with a set of available spells. The catch is that the monsters have numbers on them, and the sum of all monsters selected must equal the spell you are casting.

Thankfully, since this is turn-based, you have plenty of time to mentally calculate the best way to clear as many monsters off the screen as possible. You also have other tools available such as combining each of your three available spell cards to come up with bigger spell values to use, or you can use potions that will adjust the value of each monster. And since this is a game targeted towards 6 to 9 year olds, making mistakes prompts a helper to aid in totaling the selected monsters and their values on the screen.

The Counting Kingdom 2As you progress in levels, the number of monsters increases as well as the values of each monster. At the beginning you are summing numbers from 1 to 6. By halfway into the game, you are regularly summing double digits. By the end of the game, the amounts being added up, along with potions and available spell combos would start to give most adults trouble. Though, this is a great exercise for adults who have trouble splitting a dinner check, especially if you throw in a coupon or two.

The art style is very charming and the monsters positively adorable, it was a delight to see my nine-year-old and six-year-old tackling the early levels.

What Worked: I can tell that there was a lot of good thought put behind the numbers generators. Spells that are available and monsters that appear never feel completely random. You always have moves available. In later levels, this numbers generator is even smart enough to force you to make combinations. At the end of the round, the numbers generator always makes sure you can clean up stragglers. The game always feels fair even though it is quite challenging. The entire game resonates charm from its music and production values as well.

What Didn’t Quite Work: The main problem with the game is that the story mode’s difficulty curve needs to be adjusted for different ages. My six-year-old gave up once the game started introducing potions and he couldn’t handle the added variations. My nine-year-old was exhausted after about 8 levels of mental math. For myself, I barely squeaked by the last levels of the game and unlike my sons, I’m a full-blooded Asian math whiz. I couldn’t imagine my nine-year-old completing the story mode for the game. And even with a lowered difficulty curve, it just feels like the game needs more incentives for younger audiences to push through. The game does have an added “free play” mode with adjustable difficulty, but it doesn’t have the same sense of achievement as unlocking the next castle in story mode.

Both my nine-year-old and I tried to use the potions to adjust the values of our spell cards and didn’t realize it only worked on monsters. So we broke a potion when we didn’t intend to. Also, the game only allows one profile at a time. The developer had to show me a hidden button to restart the game from scratch so that my six-year-old could take it from the top. Also, in the current build, the screen displays bonuses for clearing the entire screen for enemies with bonus points, but there are currently no indicators how those bonus points affects your ending score or number of stars that you receive.

As a developer, I know it is also very expensive and time-consuming to create new content, but I thought it is important to note that the main character of the game is a young boy. I seriously hope that the developer considers allowing the player to select a young girl to play, especially since we want to encourage more girls to go into STEM fields.

About the Game from the Dev: The Counting Kingdom is an educational game for kids 6-8 that is magically fun and will keep kids coming back for more.

Join the Wizard’s Apprentice on a magical journey through the Counting Kingdom! Cast spells to defend the castles from waves of attacking monsters, discovering more powerful spells as you go. You’ll have to dig deep to come up with the best strategy for defending the kingdom – do you have what it takes to repel the monsters and become a powerful wizard?

Join Alpha Testing now to be one of the first people to play The Counting Kingdom!

About the Dev: We believe in making educational games that kids want to play. Our team has a deep background in creating entertaining games and a strong panel of advisory educators, and together we’re making games that are engaging, educational, and just plain fun.

GlizzardDeveloper: Little Worlds Interactive

Game Website: The Counting Kingdom

Release Date: Available in Alpha on Steam: Early Access

Spacepants

If you don’t care who this new guy is and just really need to know how good Spacepants is right the heck now, skip this paragraph. Hey guys, I’m Bernard! I’m going to be writing reviews for this fine website! Yay! I feel I should do some sort of introduction. So, hi, I’m David Bernard Houck. David means “beloved,” Bernard means “bear-hardy,” and Houck is meaningless. I think it fits: everyone loves me (yes, even you, dear reader, love me! LOVE ME!), I’m a fat gay guy, and my whole existence is meaningless. I play videogames and I write because those are the only two things I’m any good at, so I guess writing reviews makes sense! If you want to get to know me, follow me on Twitter maybe??? I retweet a lot and I am sorry. If I seem too cheerful for IGC’s hard-lovin’ style, don’t worry, I have serious vitriol for dumb games. Luckily, the first game I’m reviewing isn’t dumb, it’s a tiny, wonderful game that I think y’all should play!

SpacepantsTitle-300x42

Okay, you’re safe, no more information about a human, just the cold, hard facts of Spacepants. Spacepants became one of my favorite iOS games after playing about three rounds. But, like, Kid Games are supposed to be easy, right? So why is this game made by an actual twelve-year-old so damn hard? I play it whenever I have a couple of minutes to kill and I still can’t fucking break 60 seconds, god dammit!

Spacepants stars a ginger scientist who I guess wears spacepants, which I guess are malfunctioning such that he can’t stop moving. Ginger runs along the borders of your phone’s screen, because I guess spacepants let you walk on walls and ceilings, dodging pixel clumps that want to hurt spacepants. Tap the left half of the screen to change directions, tap the right half to jump. Collect hearts to make a bomb out of hearts and clear away the current enemies with the power of spacelove. Last as long as you can without dying because you were dumb.

SpacepantsScreen21-300x225

It’s like Super Hexagon, except not pretty or impossible. And instead of Jenn Frank’s smooth voice and Chipzel’s jammin’ tunes there’s just harsh bloops. And instead of walls there’s space caterpillars. And instead of hexagons there’s spacepants.

It really does feel a lot like Super Hexagon, I swear! But despite being very difficult, Spacepants is a much more chill, relaxing game than Super Hexagon. It’s mellow, it’s delightful, and it’s so fucking hard why can’t I get past level 2 fuck. It’s really cool to see such a fun little game come from such a young developer. I’d say it deserves a spot on the fridge, but no one would be able to get any food because I’d be standing in front of the fridge playing Spacepants all the time.

Spacepants logoSpacepants was developed by Boxface Games

IGTlogo-01$0.99 noted that Boxface Games is just a 12-year-old kid named Sam Smith who made a funner game than a lot of professional grown-ups ever have in the making of this review.

Bernard has awarded Spacepants the Indie Gamer Team Seal of Approval.

Luminux

Do you know what I hate? That we call games like Tetris “puzzle games.” It seems somehow wrong, since we also apply that term to stuff like Lolo, Spyleaks, Gateways, and Portal, even though they couldn’t be more different. Readers of mine suggested “Puzzle-Like.” But that’s just asking for a marketing disaster, like if a restaurant served you a “meat-like protein substitute.” The best I could come up with is “Cognitive Dexterity Tester” or CDT for short, though that’s a terrible name. Not to mention it would confuse the dentists that read me.

Luminux 1Yes, I’m stalling. Why? Because I really don’t have a ton to say about Luminux, a game by my good buddy Eric Hornby. The idea is, you have a 5 x 4 play field on which different colored blocks spawn on. Pushing together a straight line of three or more of the same color block clears them. And uh…….. well, that’s it really. The setup doesn’t sound hugely complex, but it lends itself to combo-heavy gameplay, which is one of my favorite aspects of any action-puzzler (I guess that’s the universally accepted term for the genre, though that still sounds wrong to me). So obviously I liked Luminux, right? Actually, no I didn’t. Because it just ramps up in speed and difficulty too damn quickly. Only three levels in, blocks spawn at such an insanely fast rate that you barely have time to think. And because stuff spawns randomly, you’re partially left at the mercy of the luck of the draw. After a certain point of speed, it would probably make more sense to only have one block spawn at a time. It doesn’t work that way. Any spawning block you slide an existing block over is destroyed, which buys you a little time, but not enough. Once you get to level four, forget about it. I usually consider myself pretty good at games like this, but the absurd speeds combined with the luck factor are just too much to overcome.

At first, I thought this was an example of a developer trying to challenge themselves instead of challenging their consumers, but as it turns out, that was wrong. Instead, the team at Pelagic Games was trying to create an experience that could be over and done with in three minutes or less. Now, I more than anyone else has said one of the reasons I like certain handheld games (especially stuff on phones) is that you can pick them up and put them down with little consequence. But action-puzzlers don’t lend themselves to that. If you have to drop your game, you have to drop your game. You can’t tell someone “give me a second, I’m about to hit level four and then I’m pretty much screwed” if you’re waiting in line at Starbucks. If a developer wants to limit a play session for a game like this, it really needs to be done via an actual timer. By having the game accelerate the way it does, it becomes more frustrating than challenging, and consequently turns people off. There is a slower-paced mode where the blocks only spawn in when you move blocks. I’m happy it’s there, and it’s certainly where Luminux is at its strongest, but having to unlock it is fucking annoying.

By total coincident, "Cosmic Meltdown" is the term Brian used to describe what was happening to me while I was playing 1001 Spikes.

By total coincident, “Cosmic Meltdown” is the term Brian used to describe what was happening to me while I was playing 1001 Spikes.

That mode alone doesn’t save Luminux. I feel the play field is also too small. As I mentioned earlier, the system they’ve created lends itself well to setting up combos. Unfortunately, there’s simply not enough room to do this well. Having the field be taller than it is wide makes Luminux feel more awkward than it needs to be. If this had been made specifically for iPad, the field could have been bigger and the game would have been better. Luminux isn’t without good ideas. But the package never comes together. Thankfully, when I broke the news to Eric, he took it well. In fact, he had a moment of revelation.

“So I think I see what you mean. Luminux would do better with a slower difficulty pacing because it would allow people to get into (it) easier. It certainly takes a little while to get adept enough to be comfortable with its pace and your criticism is probably the most heard one I’ve gotten after the release. By aiming to keep the game completed in under 3 minutes by even skilled players we instead made a game that new players have a hard time getting into. Instead, we shouldn’t have worried too much about “limiting” the time frame of play and instead just focused on a pacing that would have felt better, even if it meant that skilled players might find the game taking “too long.” (especially considering that skilled players already like the game.) Does this seem to be about the right lesson I should be taking from your commentary?”

Yes, yes it is. Sigh. I hate it when developers figure it out before the review is up. It makes me feel guilty when I want to use lines like “Luminux Lumi-Sux.”

Luminux logoLuminux was developed by Pelagic Games

$1.99 in all seriousness wants to thank Pelagic games for its consideration in including “the switch” which lessened my personal epilepsy risk in the making of this review. Much love to you guys. Issue a second chance against me sometime in the future.

 

 

 

 

Venus Explorer

*Activate Strong Sarcasm Mode*

Team Shuriken has done it again. They’ve got a game-of-the-year, summer blockbuster of a sleeper hit on the Marketplace. It’s another classic to add into their ever increasing hall of fame of surefire winners.

Venus Explorer has everything a choose-your-own-adventure-type game needs! Boobs, semen jokes, art from their fap folder, and an actual lack of meaningful choice if you actually want to progress in the game.

You may be asking yourself why you aren’t playing this right now, and I’d have to ask the same question of you.

*Deactivate Strong Sarcasm Mode – Resuming normal levels of sarcasm…*

At the very least, these guys aren’t even trying to hide what the game is: a cash grab for suckers who see big boobs on the cover art. I can respect that and, unlike subtle sexism that is common in media, here it is front and center for us to oogle at.

"Boobies!"

“Boobies!”

The game begins with a cut-scene of you being a lonely teenage boy in the 80s looking for a game to…be thrilled by, if you catch my drift. You don’t? Okay, he’s horny.

What follows is an attempt at emulating old adventure games on the PC. “Will you go north, west, or east?” “Will you shoot the robot in the brain or torso?” “Will you try to jump into the semen bath with the buxom babe or make a comment about how it stinks?” The thing is, for most of the game, it’s all an illusion of choice layered over a direct path to the end. If you choose the route the game doesn’t want you to take, you will be killed and forced back to the checkpoint. Oh god the checkpoint system.

Imagine you’re running a 5k race. Okay, scratch that, we’re gamers. Imagine you have an extremely perilous staircase that leads to the bathroom upstairs. There are 20 stairs filled with traps and pitfalls trying to prevent you from relieving yourself in a civilized manner. Thankfully these are magical stairs that have checkpoints to revive you should you die. A fair system of checkpoints would bring you back to life say, every five stairs. You’d think that was decent while you mentally chewed out whatever being cursed your staircase.

Restarting the human race from two people is a silly notion. There has to be incest!

Restarting the human race from two people is a silly notion. There has to be incest!

Well, in Venus Explorer, those checkpoints are on stairs 1, 18, and 19. In a game that forces death upon you at every wrong turn because you aren’t following their story exactly, this is both a case of frustration and boredom. I flopped on the couch, barely paying attention to what I was lazily pressing as I made my way back to where I died so I could hopefully make the “right” choice.

Along the way to the end, there are some minigames and an arcade game to play. The minigames are halfhearted at best. One has you avoid moving objects while you fly up about 50 feet in a spacesuit. Another tries to emulate R-Type but gives you no weapons to fire, only more objects to avoid. That arcade game I mentioned? It’s a half-assed attempt at making a fighter by having you decide, “Dodge left, right, or center as your opponent comes at you with a flying kick.” You also are only allowed to play it only once every 30 minutes unless you do some fancy button-pressing that isn’t worth it. Not one bit.

Spoiler warning—I’m going to reveal the ending of the game to you. You get to make babies with the only other surviving human, a woman who saves you at the last second from certain death.

Venus Explorer was developed by Team Shuriken.

If anybody needs me, I’ll be in my bunk…regretting the loss of my $1.

Oh, and I got this screen after finishing the game. I suspect it’s a true statement as I don’t know why anyone else would bother putting the time into it that I did.

The 10 Biggest “Oopsies” in Gaming History: Part 2

Continuing from part one.

#5 – Sega’s 1995 E3 surprise launch of the Saturn.

The History: Although Sega’s Genesis (known as Mega Drive pretty much everywhere else) did pretty good in the United States, it was a colossal flop in Japan. Hell, remember the TurboGrafx-16? In Japan, it was called the PC Engine, and it outsold the Mega Drive there when they were both in the prime of their existence. Thus, I’m sure the reaction in Sega’s Japanese offices to Saturn’s launch in their country was pure euphoria. Selling for almost $500 in American dollars, their entire launch inventory was sold in just minutes. It had no bundled software, so you can throw another $85 on top of that for Virtua Fighter, which sold at a nearly 1 to 1 ratio with it. It was the best response consumers ever had to a new console from Sega. When Sony launched PlayStation a couple of weeks later, their best software (Namco’s Ridge Racer) was not exactly as desirable as Virtua Fighter, and the response was far more subdued. To prove their alpha-dog status, Sega held some of their inventory until the day PS1 launched, so that the two would be sold side-by-side. PS1 did not sell out, and Saturn did again. Sony’s board of directors wasn’t exactly confident in this whole gaming bullshit, and Sega looked like they were going to assure their quick exit from the scene when it launched in the United States on September 2, 1995.

The Oopsie: When Sega debuted the Saturn for the American press at the first E3 in 1995, they announced it would cost $399 (probably too expensive, but far less spendy than its Japanese counterpart). Oh, and it was out now. The console had shipped to four retailers that were seemingly chosen out of a hat. Babbages, Electronics Boutique, and Software Etc (now all collectively known as Gamestop) and Toys ‘R Us. Sega came across like the biggest pussies on the planet. It stunk of a desperation move, and they had no reason to be desperate. Sony’s limited track record in gaming was hardly successful. Before making their own console, Sony’s most acclaimed gaming achievement was publishing Mickey Mania, which had been developed by Traveller’s Tales. On the flip side, they also published games using the ESPN license. These were widely recognized as being among the worst sports games on the market. The press was skeptical of Sony’s chances. So were third parties, even with Sony’s ultra-modest $10 flat-royalty. By this point, the ripples from Nintendo’s choice to go with cartridges over CDs were being felt, and Sega had the inside track to land several huge houses exclusively. Saturn was utterly dominating PlayStation in Japan. If anything, it should have been Sony coming across as desperate and grasping at straws. With Nintendo having announced that Nintendo 64 wouldn’t launch in 1995 or even be shown off at the conference, this really should have been Sega’s coronation.

It's worth noting that Sega was handicapped by their Japanese offices in other ways. Like being told to remove the "Sega Scream" from their advertising. Why? Because it was considered undignified. I'm not kidding. Love it or hate it, that was one of the most successful marketing catchphrases of the 90s. But we wouldn't want to offend the corporate suits in Tokyo, would we?

It’s worth noting that Sega was handicapped by their Japanese offices in other ways. Like being told to remove the “Sega Scream” from their advertising. Why? Because it was considered undignified. I’m not kidding. Love it or hate it, that was one of the most successful marketing catchphrases of the 90s. But we wouldn’t want to offend the corporate suits in Tokyo, would we?

Instead, Sega’s showing at E3 in 1995 officially kicked off their downward spiral that ultimately knocked them out of the manufacturing business. And mind you, Sega had no way of knowing that Sony was going to drop their $299 bombshell moments later. For all they knew, they had every single imaginable advantage going into the show. I often asked myself “what were they thinking?” over the course of writing this feature. But for Sega’s early launch of Saturn, I asked it the most. It’s the only folly on the list where you simply can’t spin it in any way where it sounds remotely logical.

The Ramifications: Sega could have hired goons to take the stage and gun down those in attendance and done less damage. The four retailers Sega shipped the Saturn to hadn’t exactly been their most important partners with the Genesis. Kay*bee Toys, a powerhouse of retail during this era, had devoted a lot of their marketing and shelf space to Sega over the previous couple years. They responded to being cut-out of Saturn’s surprise launch by dropping Sega entirely. Walmart and Target wanted to renegotiate their agreement with Sega and put significantly more marketing effort into Nintendo’s products. Hell, Walmart even agreed to carry the Atari Jaguar, well past the point where it was a viable console, and guess whose shelf-space that ate into? Sega only sent out 30,000 units, which really hammers home how last-second and poorly thought-out the decision was. The 30,000 wasn’t enough to fill all the preorders at the locations that accepted them, and some of them didn’t even give what little qualities they received to the people who had reserved them. The press was offended. Retailers were offended. Third parties were offended. Consumers were offended. People credit Sony with making few mistakes in rolling out the PlayStation, but really, Sega made it easy for them. It opened doors for Sony, both to retail outlets and to third parties. Upon launch, Sony immediately took a lead on Saturn in the United States, secured exclusivity of Final Fantasy VII for Japan (which Sega was in contention to have themselves) to take the lead there, and never looked back. Today, Sega makes games for them. And it all started with the most ill-conceived surprise announcement in gaming history.

#4 – Nintendo double-crosses Sony over the Super Nintendo CD-ROM drive known as the Play Station.

The History: Back in 1988, when Nintendo was designing the Super Famicom, they struck up a working relationship with Sony. One of Sony’s lead engineers, a fellow by the name of Ken Kutaragi, had developed a high-performance, low-cost audio processor that was exactly what Nintendo was looking for. Sony wasn’t even aware he was working on the project. They had no interest in joining the highly competitive game industry, and were actually kind of pissed that one of their guys spent so much time and resources putting it together without their approval. If Nintendo hadn’t purchased it, he would have certainly been fired. Not only did Nintendo love it, but they were so impressed by Sony’s initiative that they hired them to develop a CD-ROM add-on for the SNES.

Here’s where it gets sketchy, and also gives me pause to think Nintendo must suck at making contracts for partnership. I mean, remember the fiasco where they almost signed over the rights for the NES to Atari without making sure Atari actually had to, you know, build and sell the damn thing? Well, this one is almost as bad. The deal they made gave Sony full control over all the software licensing and royalties for games on the CD format. So, in other words, Nintendo wouldn’t be able to power-trip over third parties like they had with the NES. No, in this case, it would be Sony doing that. While Nintendo would retain unlimited rights to make games themselves at a significantly smaller royalty rate, Sony would essentially own and control all aspects of the CD-ROM. Nintendo agreed to this because it was the only way Sony would agree to the project. Nintendo, knowing that Sega was working on a CD-ROM of their own, felt that they would give up claims of technological superiority over Sega as their customer base grew older and more sophisticated. They needed a CD-ROM drive, because it was as high-tech as electronics got at this point. The deal was struck and Sony began work on the project. At CES in 1991, at Sony’s lavish press conference, they unveiled the CD-ROM they had spent over two years working on: the Nintendo Play Station.

The Oopsie: The next day, Nintendo announced that they had a partner that would bring a CD add-on to the Super Nintendo: Phillips. Also known as Sony’s chief competitor in almost every facet of their business. Nintendo did not give any prior warning that they were doing this. As far as Sony knew, Nintendo was pleased with what they had done and their partnership would be long and prosperous. Nintendo’s announcement left them shell-shocked. The press was right there with them. Since Sony had focused so much time at their own conference on the Nintendo project and even showed off working hardware, people in attendance at Nintendo’s presser actually thought they had simply spoken the wrong company’s name by mistake. Several times.

No vaporware has ever come at as high a cost.

No vaporware has ever come at as high a cost.

Sony was humiliated. Contrary to popular belief, they didn’t swear a blood-vendetta on the spot. In fact, once they went home and licked their wounds, they called Nintendo and re-entered negotiations. Presumably the call started out with “Yo bro, what the fuck?” In 1992, Nintendo and Sony agreed to new terms that reassigned all software and royalty rights back to Nintendo, but there was too much bitterness and it never completed due diligence. Sony’s board of directors, sick and tired of all this video game nonsense, overwhelmingly was ready to vote to abandon the project. However, Sony’s CEO, Norio Ohga, swayed the board to give this Kutaragi guy a chance to spin-off the Nintendo project as their own console. After deleting the space between “Play” and “Station”, Sony began the process of deleting Nintendo’s dominance over the industry.

The Ramifications: You’re living them right now. Because the world as you know it would not be the same if Sony never made a game machine of its own. Literally every single thing would be different. Despite what people think, the PlayStation wasn’t Sony’s revenge on Nintendo. Although I’m sure they were pleased once they took over the throne, the world just isn’t that black and white. The truth is, Ohga pushed forward on PlayStation because he had taken a shine to Kutaragi. Here was a guy who took it upon himself to do a high risk project that only had one specific customer in mind. A customer that they had never previously spoken to about selling any proprietary hardware to. Hell, Kutaragi didn’t know a single thing about the Super Famicom at the time he started creating what would end up being its audio system. He just assumed that Nintendo would make a next-gen platform at some point,  and if they did, hell, why not buy something from Sony for it? The fucking gall it took quite frankly impressed Ohga. It reminded him of himself at that age. The real irony is, if Nintendo had been aware that the audio processor they had purchased from Sony for the SNES was entirely conceived by Kutaragi, without any of his superiors knowledge or approval, they would have simply hired him themselves. Sony never would have gotten into the game business, and we wouldn’t recognize the world today.

So why didn’t I put this #1, like most of my friends thought it should be? Because I’m not entirely convinced Ohga wouldn’t have just said “you know what, fuck it, let’s just make our own console” with or without Nintendo’s double-cross. You’ll note that Nintendo never came out with a CD-ROM from Phillips either. Let’s say they never sign with Philips and stick it out with Sony. Who is to say the Nintendo Play Station ever sees a retail shelf in this alternate history? PlayStation doesn’t exist because Nintendo fucked them. PlayStation exists because a man named Ken Kutaragi enjoyed playing video games with his daughter so much that he wanted to be a part of them. It makes the Oopsie list because PlayStation could have been Nintendo’s, not because PlayStation exists at all.

#3 – Nintendo chooses cartridges over CDs for Nintendo 64.

The History: This one is a lot more cut and dry than previous blunders I’ve listed. Nintendo had failed to bring out the CD-ROM add-on for the SNES, and by 1994, was the only major game manufacturer without a disc-based game system. In 1993, they announced their next console, known then as “Project Reality”, would be built by the same engineers that designed the super computers that made the special effects in Jurassic Park possible. When Nintendo released the conceptional specs, their new game machine clearly was technologically superior to anything Sony, Sega, or 3DO had built. Third-parties salivated. It looked like Nintendo would continue to dominate the worldwide gaming industry.

The Oopsie: After spending a few months leaking new details of Project Reality every couple of weeks, Nintendo announced on May 5, 1994 that their next console would use cartridges instead of CDs. Third parties, even those close to Nintendo, were dumbstruck. By this point, Sony had circulated their licensing plank around the game industry: a flat royalty rate of $10 per game, with Sony eating the cost of manufacturing themselves. Nintendo, on the other hand, would have a scaled rate and would set manufacturing parameters on game size and minimum orders for each region that would directly eat into their partners profit margins. In other words, developing a 650MB game for Sony would cost a third-party not a single cent in manufacturing. Making an 8MB cartridge on Nintendo 64, on the other hand, would cost a third-party around $20. And mind you, that’s before Nintendo’s licensing royalty came out. If you were not a studio with deep pockets, the choice of which platform to develop for was suddenly a no-brainer.

Cost of goods: $1 worth of plastic. $1.50 worth of silicon. Billions in industrial edge.

Cost of goods: $1 worth of plastic. $1.50 worth of silicon. Billions in industrial edge.

The speculation on why Nintendo chose carts includes many theories. Nintendo primarily said it was an issue of load times. In 1994, when the Nintendo 64 was being designed, load times for CD based games were brutal. Consumers were used to popping in a game, hitting the power button, and playing immediately. Nintendo felt that such load times were to blame for Sega CD’s mediocre sales. Privately, Nintendo president Hiroshi Yamauchi was not thrilled with the idea of Nintendo’s next platform being saturated by gimmicky full-motion-video titles, like what befell Sega CD, and thought going with cartridges would discourage it. The press speculated it was more about preventing piracy. In later years, Nintendo of America Chairman Howard Lincoln crowed that piracy on N64 was almost non-existent, while it was a major problem for Sony.

Most third parties, on the other hand, thought Nintendo had more sinister motivations. They believed Nintendo went with cartridges so that they could control the manufacturing and distribution of all the titles on their platform. Carts allowed Nintendo to hold all the cards. They could tell developers “you have to order X amount of cartridges at $X a pop or you can’t order at all.” This was a way of working around anti-trust issues that had landed Nintendo in court more than once over the previous two generations. Whether their speculation was accurate or not, it was being whispered. And, because the Nintendo 64 was now suddenly expensive to develop for, third parties began to rethink their business plans.

The Ramifications: Nintendo lost key third-party support to Sony, including iconic titles that ultimately gave them industrial leadership. Final Fantasy VII was suddenly a free agent. Square ultimately chose PlayStation after Sony offered to handle all the marketing for it internationally. Capcom abandoned plans to develop its remake of Famicom RPG/horror title Sweet Home for Project Reality, and instead made it for PlayStation and later Saturn as Biohazard in Japan and Resident Evil in the United States. Tekken, Ridge Racer, and Soul Edge, all by Namco, began life as projects for Nintendo’s new console, along with Rayman by Ubisoft and Tomb Raider by Eidos. Needless to say, these titles made a difference.

There were other issues. The extra cost of cartridges were passed on to consumers. Nintendo 64 games were typically more expensive than titles on PS1 or Saturn. Nintendo 64 still included memory cards, which was a little insulting.  One of the major advantages of carts is they can use battery back-up and eliminate the need for external memory. But it caused a slight increase in the manufacturing cost of the game, so Nintendo included memory cards as an option to drive those costs down. Mind you, this mostly benefited Nintendo. Third parties still had to assume the expensive manufacturing costs, and what little they did save was not passed onto consumers. Games that used the memory card, like the highly anticipated Turok: Dinosaur Hunter by Acclaim, didn’t retail for less than games that did use battery back-up.

Ultimately, you can sum up the ramifications just by the game count. There were over 1,300 games released for the PlayStation. There was just under 600 games released for the Sega Saturn. For the Nintendo 64? 387 games worldwide. Three-hundred and eighty-seven. Now, don’t get me wrong, some of those Nintendo 64 games were giants in the annals of gaming. But, the Nintendo 64 had image problems and ultimately was not the “cool” platform, like the PlayStation was. With cutesy titles like Mario 64 and Banjo Kazooie, Nintendo 64 couldn’t shake the image of being a children’s platform. If the N64 had been the exclusive home of games such as Resident Evil, Final Fantasy VII, and Tekken, it not only would have been able to overcome that issue, but Sony (whose board of directors never wanted to be in gaming in the first place) might not have stuck it out for another generation and beyond.

Then again, being on Nintendo platforms seems to have an uncanny ability to uncoolify just about anything. This is an actual screenshot of Final Fantasy VII from its days under Nintendo 64 development. As a friend told me, it looks very........... Nintendo.

Then again, being on Nintendo platforms seems to have an uncanny ability to uncoolify just about anything. This is an actual screenshot of a Final Fantasy concept from its days under Nintendo 64 development. As a friend told me, it looks very……….. Nintendo.

#2 – Atari’s inaccurate sales projections lead to the Great Video Game Crash.

The History: By 1982, Atari had become the most profitable company in the world, netting a $400,000,000 profit (after taxes, mind you). Atari alone accounted for 70% of the total operating profits in Warner Bros’ entire empire. In the weeks leading to Atari’s investor conference call in December, 1982, Warner executives had touted that Atari would post an increase of sales of 50% over the fourth quarter. Warner stock, and the stocks of every publicly traded company associated with video games, soared. Gaming looked unstoppable.

The Oopsie: The boasting of Warner executives was exaggerated. On December 7, 1982, Atari released their official projections for the 1982 holiday season: a 10% to 15% increase in sales. That’s right: games didn’t stop selling. They just didn’t sell at a fast-enough rate to satisfy speculators. Stock analysts were shocked, and they raced to see who could dump their shares the fastest.

The Ramifications: By the end of the day, Warner stock had fallen nearly seventeen points. Activision’s stock also tumbled. Mattel’s did. Coleco’s did. Newcomers to the scene Imagic, who were on the verge of having what was projected to be a very lucrative IPO, instead were cut off by banks and investors who stopped making payments to them (such actions are illegal now). Seed capital for gaming start-ups in the Silicon Valley evaporated overnight. Inventory managers working at major retail chains were told by corporate superiors that the ceiling on gaming had lowered and to reduce their orders for gaming related inventory. This came as a big surprise to them, since games were still generating the majority of their profits, and were one of the few “toy” related items that sold year-round. But they had their orders.

Pictured: something that gets too much credit for the industrial crash.

Pictured: something that gets too much credit for the industrial crash.

In short, the speculative bubble had burst and the video game industry had crashed. Despite what anyone says, poor quality games had little to do with it. The market was still growing. Sales were still increasing at a steady pace. It should be noted that in 1983, the year where the crash was at its most pronounced, video game sales were up over where they were the previous year. Seven-million consoles were sold in the United States in 1983 (not bad considering there were no new ones on the market), and 75 million cartridges were sold. That’s an increase of over 15 million from the year before. And only around 27% of them were sold below manufacturer’s suggest retail price, such as games on clearance sale. That’s only a couple of points higher than the industrial average today. In other words, games themselves didn’t die, just the money in games.

Don’t get me wrong. Crappy games didn’t help. But with only a few exceptions, the quality of the games wasn’t focused on. The media’s attention was squarely on the money. Stock speculators with itchy trigger fingers are what made the money disappear. A few days after Atari’s conference call, a scandal erupted when it was revealed that Atari president Ray Kassar had sold 5,000 shares of Warner stock just 23 minutes before the announcement was made. Kassar said he needed the money for another investment, only conceding that the timing was, quote, “unfortunate.” Yeah, I’ll say. When it came out that Kassar had committed insider trading, not only did Warner’s stock take another hit, but speculators further dumped shares of Mattel, Activision, and Coleco. Again. Kassar was somehow never charged for insider trading (even though what he sold was, adjusted for inflation, more money than what landed Martha Stewart in prison for the same thing), possibly because he returned all the money almost immediately after the report of his antics came out. Kassar claimed that if he was really bailing, he would have sold more shares. Critics accused him of selling the most he thought he could get away with without making waves. Whether his motivations were intentional or happenstance, it had a devastating effect on the entire industry.

Atari never once was profitable again under Warner Bros. Ray Kassar resigned in July, 1983. By then, Warner stock had been so decimated by Atari that they were targeted for a hostile takeover by Rupert Murdoch, owner of 20th Century Fox. To replace Kassar, Warner hired James Morgan, formerly of Phillip Morris, who had been instrumental in creating the Marlboro Man. He would later return to Phillip Morris and become their CEO, then claim that cigarettes were no more addictive than Gummy Bears. As a chain smoker myself, I agree with Mr. Morgan. Quitting is easy. I do it at least 60 times a day. Morgan only lasted ten months at Atari, long enough to slash their workforce by over 70%, consolidate their facilities from fifty buildings spread across the entire Silicon Valley down to four, and dump 20,000,000 units of inventory into the market for $2 a piece. However, when he submitted his budgets to Warner, the board unanimously vetoed them each time. They told Morgan that Atari would have to fund itself through its own profits, which were non-existent. In the second fiscal quarter of 1984, Atari lost $425,000,000 over a span of only three months. Warner finally gave up and sold the company to the recently beached Commodore founder Jack Tramiel for a stack of useless promissory notes that they never collected on. Between January of 1983 and July of 1984, Atari had lost over two billion dollars. All because of stock speculation, not because of Pac-Man or E.T.

This is James Morgan, the guy who led Atari for ten months. Doesn't he just look like the type of suit who would tell people with a straight face that smoking isn't deadly?

This is James Morgan, the guy who led Atari for ten months. Doesn’t he just look like the type of suit who would tell people with a straight face that smoking isn’t deadly?

#1 – Sega does not go with DVDs for Dreamcast.

The History: Sega, having blown the inside track on dominating the Japanese game market with Saturn, licked their wounds and went about creating a new, more powerful, infinitely more easy to develop for game console. The new system, known as Dreamcast, would be based around a custom version of Windows CE and use DirectX drivers. It was higher performance than anything on the market, and Sega adjusted its licensing plank to be more competitive with Sony’s. Everything looked amazing.

The Oopsie: At this time, it was known that Sony was also developing its next generation console, and that it would likely include a DVD drive and probably play movies. This was a very attractive feature. One that Dreamcast would not include. Instead, Sega developed a proprietary media format called GD-ROM. Although GD-ROMs could store much more data than a CD, they held significantly less than DVDs. More importantly, DVDs were an emerging format for movies, and destined to explode worldwide.

Yes, including a DVD drive in Dreamcast would have significantly raised its costs. But not as much as you would think. If Dreamcast had launched with a DVD drive of similar quality to the one included in PlayStation 2, and retailed for $299.99 instead of $199.99, Dreamcast would have lost less money per unit than Sony did a year later with the PS2. That’s because Dreacmast used cheaper, less sophisticated components than PS2. Unlike PS2, the majority of Dreamcast owners over the console’s first year were very enthusiastic software buyers. Sega could have quickly recouped its losses on hardware based on the rate of software sales they had. For PS2, its primary function for most of the world was a DVD player first and a game player second. The most popular piece of software sold with PS2 at the point of sale was the Keanu Reeves film The Matrix on DVD, in both the United States and Japan. For a very large portion of the world, the PlayStation 2 was the first DVD player they ever owned. It could have, no, should have, been Dreamcast.

"I'm a killer app. Whoa."

“I’m a killer app. Whoa.”

It’s also worth mentioning that, although it was less expensive than DVDs, GD-ROMs were hardly cheap. They cost more to mint than CDs. Sega wanted a proprietary format to prevent piracy. The PlayStation 1 had a huge issue with that. Unfortunately for Sega, GD-ROMs were almost immediately cracked. Pirating of Dreamcast games began before the system even made it to America. GD-ROMs offered no advantage over CDs, besides the higher capacity that really didn’t help all that much. Sega didn’t go with DVDs because they were convinced a low retail point would give them the edge over PlayStation 2. PS2 was widely speculated to launch at $400 to $600, based on the costs of materials used in it. Sega thought they had learned their lesson with the Saturn. The problem was, the price tag wasn’t the only advantage Sony had over them. Sega didn’t realize that until it was too late.

The Ramifications: After the Japanese launch of Dreamcast, Sony announced the final specifications for PlayStation 2, including confirming the long-expected DVD drive. Dreamcast was now obsolete before it even launched in America. Sega’s only hope was to sell as many units as possible before PS2 launched, and hope like hell the its price tag would be as high-ticket as top analysts in the industry expected it to be. It wasn’t. When Sony announced the $299 price tag at E3 2000, it was all she wrote for Sega. People who had been saving for a DVD player (at a time when they were relatively expensive) now could save up for a PlayStation 2 instead. Despite Dreamcast having a fairly impressive game lineup, a PlayStation 2 simply got you more for your dollar.

I put this #1 because the other Oopsies on this list don’t necessarily turn out better if the company goes the other way. If THQ doesn’t make the uDraw, they still eventually go bankrupt. If PlayStation 3 launches at $400, Microsoft had enough high-profile games to still sell a LOT of Xbox 360s and probably lives to fight another day. If Atari comes to terms with Nintendo, the Famicom still does good enough in Japan for Nintendo to do follow-up console and presumably not make the same mistake it made before. If 3DO launches at $300, it still lacks a first party to make killer exclusive games that differentiate itself from its competition. If Atari doesn’t sit on millions of unsold Pac-Man and E.T. carts, mouthy Warner Bros. executives would still probably over-inflate sales projections and speculators would still have bailed, crashing the industry. If Sega doesn’t launch the Saturn early, they still have to compete using inferior hardware to Nintendo’s iconic first-party games and Sony’s ultra-aggressive licensing program. If Nintendo doesn’t double-cross Sony, it doesn’t necessarily mean Super Nintendo’s CD-ROM ever sees the light of day, and Sony likely still would have developed their own platform. If Nintendo chooses cartridges over CDs, Sony’s aggressive licensing program (and all the ill-will Nintendo had built up over the years) still makes PlayStation a more attractive platform for third parties. If Warner executives never open their yap, Wall Street analysts had projected Warner would post 30% increases for Atari and speculators would have bailed anyway.

You'll note that Sega tried to distance themselves from the "Sega" name as much as possible, using minimum amount of branding when promoting Dreamcast. Even the jewel cases of the games typically didn't have the name "Sega" anywhere near "Dreamcast." It was so awkward.

You’ll note that Sega tried to distance themselves from the “Sega” name as much as possible, using minimum amount of branding when promoting Dreamcast. Even the jewel cases of the games typically didn’t have the name “Sega” anywhere near “Dreamcast.” It was so awkward.

Dreamcast lacking DVDs is the only “Oopsie” where you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that things would have been better for Sega if they had gone the other way. A Sega Dreamcast with a DVD player survives well beyond year two. A highly acclaimed system with one of the most diverse and fucking awesome lineup of first-party games of all-time? PlayStation 2, GameCube, and Xbox launching against a console with one of the highest software sales penetration rates ever? I weep for the incredible battle we all missed out on. The Dreamcast is probably my favorite game console of all time. And if it could have played Forrest Gump, it doesn’t die an early death. What can they say? Oopsie!

The 10 Biggest “Oopsies” in Gaming History: Part 1

Some of my readers are idiots. I mean, I love you all. I really do. But a lot of you guys have your heads so far up your ass that you could floss your teeth with your small intestines. Especially when you say stupid shit like this:

THE WII U IS THE BIGGEST DISASTER IN GAMING HISTORY!

Holy hyperbole, Batman! Have you ever looked into the history of gaming? Companies have made a lot of really stupid moves. I said I could come up with at least ten things worse than Wii U, and I think I have. And I’ll share them with you. Now, we don’t know what the long-term ramifications of Wii U will be. Maybe it will ultimately be the biggest blunder in gaming history. But it’s too soon to tell. With the ten examples I’ve come up with, we can definitively point to them and say “those mistakes had significant consequences.”

Here’s what DID NOT make the list.

Virtual Boy – Yes, it flopped. But Nintendo certainly did not over-manufacture it. And nobody can say they waited too long to pull the plug. It’s a black-eye on their record, but Nintendo has never come remotely close to giving up their title of most successful portable gaming developer. If Virtual Boy was in any way consequential, they would have.

32X – 32X was bad, but it could have been a lot worse. Originally, it was going to be an entirely new console called “Genesis 2” with the only improvement being a slightly upgraded GPU that was capable of displaying more colors. Sega of America hated the idea and pushed for an add-on instead. It was over-priced ($179.99 at launch) and the games for it were mediocre (one title, Cosmic Carnage, was so bad that Sega’s development team circulated a petition to have it cancelled). Sega was also slightly dishonest, implying that a Genesis with 32X and Sega CD would be compatible with its upcoming Saturn console. When Trip Hawkins of EA and 3DO (more on that later) said it wouldn’t be, they said he didn’t know what he was talking about. But, of Sega’s MANY problems, this wasn’t that high on the list. Even when it was cleared out at $19.95, it wasn’t losing THAT much money (possibly even breaking even). Most of the money lost from 32X was the result of over-manufacturing software for it, and the ensuing inventory crush.

Shaped like a mushroom, in honor of the substance taken by the guys who built it.

Shaped like a mushroom, in honor of the substance taken by the guys who built it.

Microsoft Buys Rare – At the time, this sure seemed like one of the biggest coups in gaming history. Rare was fresh off creating some of the most iconic games for Nintendo 64. They were Nintendo’s single most important partner for the N64, and helped Nintendo cap off the SNES successfully with its Donkey Kong Country series. Ultimately though, it was inconsequential to Nintendo and fairly costly for Microsoft. Rare’s early efforts on Xbox flopped, and Microsoft ended up looking like they were sold a bill of goods. It’s widely believed that executives at Microsoft thought they were also acquiring the rights to Donkey Kong. I’m not sure how even the most dense person could not know it wouldn’t be part of the package, especially after going through the type of due diligence acquisitions like this are subject to, but that’s what people say. The Rare of today is, for all intents and purposes, a new studio completely different from the one Nintendo sold Microsoft. But it didn’t really hurt Microsoft, so it doesn’t belong on the list.

So what did make the list?

#10 – THQ over-manufactures the uDraw tablet, for the wrong platforms.

The History: THQ was a giant among third parties. They owned some of the most lucrative licenses in gaming. Nickelodeon. Pixar. WWE wrestling. All of them resulting in top-selling games. And, unlike Acclaim near the end of their existence, THQ’s games tended to be higher quality. And then they made uDraw.

The Oopsie: Let’s be clear about something: uDraw was a modest success on the Wii. At least the initial hardware bundle was. The software for it was never a big seller, in part because the games were a bit weak. I did have a uDraw and Pictionary for it, and my family enjoyed it quite a bit. However, I think convincing them to give Disney Princesses a try would have been a tough sell.

Having said that, THQ wanted to recoup their investment in the R&D for the project and decided to give it a kick at the can on Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. Even though it just didn’t seem like the demographics would match up at all on those platforms. Although they only manufactured it for a relatively short period of time (four months), they ended up with over $100,000,000 in inventory crush, which might be the largest amount of crush any third-party game company has ever had. What the HELL were they thinking?

What a fiasco. Thankfully, no game company would ever be crazy enough again to release a gimmick tablet as a console controller with a silly "U" stuck in the title for no damn reason ever again.

What a fiasco. Thankfully, no game company would ever be crazy enough to release a gimmick tablet as a console controller with a silly “U” stuck in the title for no damn reason ever again.

The Ramifications: They went bankrupt. Now, I don’t mean to imply that the only thing THQ did wrong was uDraw. When a company the size of THQ goes bankrupt, it is never one thing. They had tons of issues on a managerial level. But there’s no denying that uDraw was the tipping point. It’s like how saying the Titanic sank because it hit an iceberg is grossly oversimplifying things. The ship couldn’t turn fast enough, was going too fast at the wrong time of day to be trying such speeds, at the wrong time of year, in the wrong part of the ocean, with not enough lookouts. Hitting the iceberg was practically inevitable. uDraw was THQ’s iceberg. At a time when the company’s financing was shaky at best, being stuck with over one-million units of relatively expensive dead inventory was simply too much to overcome. The way they were being managed, they were destined to sink anyway, but you sort of have to give credit to the iceberg.

#9 – PlayStation 3 launches at $599 (or $499).

The History: Sony had a very storied legacy of surprising the game industry by modestly pricing their hardware. In 1995, at the first E3, Sony shocked the world (especially Sega – more on them later) by announcing that PlayStation would retail for $299.99. In fact, “$299” was the entire speech given by Sony’s American president Steve Race at the show. It was, and probably still is, the biggest bombshell ever at E3. Analysts predicted that PS1 would retail for at least the same, but likely more, than the Sega Saturn’s $399 tag.

Fast forward to 2000. Everyone knew for sure that PlayStation 2 would have to retail for around $500. After all, it was a DVD player, at a time when those were still relatively new and expensive. Not only that, but it was a fucking super computer! George Lucas claimed it was more powerful than the computers used to create the special effects for Star Wars: Episode 1. When Sony announced they were once again launching at $299, it is said that Sega chairman Isao Okawa turned to his assistant and said “it’s over.” In 2006, at E3, people had come to expect the $299 price tag, no matter what analysts predicted. Or, at the very least, it would be priced to match the $399 Xbox 360.

The Oopsie: At E3 2006, Sony announced that PlayStation 3 would have two SKUs. One would include a 20GB HDD for $499, and one with a 60GB HDD for $600. On the bright side, they managed to shock the crowd at E3 again. But this time, it was for the wrong reasons.

"Wait, did they say $600?" "What? I didn't hear. I was too busy admiring the Spider-Man font. Classy shit that font is."

“Wait, did they say $600?” “What? I didn’t hear. I was too busy admiring the Spider-Man font. Classy shit that font is.”

The Ramifications: I had friends argue that the price ultimately didn’t matter. Sony is still around, and the PS4 is outselling the Xbox One. To which I say, tell Microsoft the PS3 launch price didn’t matter. To them, it was like a presidential pardon. Sony had dominated the previous two console generations, so much so that they knocked Sega out of the manufacturing business altogether. The absurdly high price tag on PS3 opened the door for Xbox 360 to ultimately outsell the PS3 (though it was very close, with just a couple million units separating them worldwide). This just a generation after the PS2 outsold the Xbox by over 130 million units. And let’s not forget Nintendo, who ultimately won the generation in terms of hardware by a comfortable margin (over 20 million units more than Xbox 360 and PS3). In the previous two generations, Sony’s consoles sold a quarter-of-a-billion units combined to Nintendo’s measly 55 million combined for Nintendo 64 and GameCube. Anyone who doesn’t think Sony’s price tag cost them a chance to put one or both of those players out of the market forever is kidding themselves.

#8 – Atari fails to come to terms with Nintendo for the rights to NES, then does it again with Sega years later.

The History: Nintendo had a tough time breaking into the US arcade market. And, when they did with Donkey Kong, they were immediately dragged into a lawsuit by Universal Studios. In 1983, the Nintendo’s Famicom console had taken Japan by storm. They knew it could be successful in the United States, but they had found the experience of handling everything themselves to be bothersome and infuriating. So they decided they would seek a partner. Internally, they briefly discussed going with Coleco, who they had licensed Donkey Kong to for the Colecovision’s launch. However, the lawsuit with Universal had soured them on that, as Coleco spinelessly settled without attempting to put up any fight, and they did so behind Nintendo’s back. So, Nintendo decided to offer the worldwide rights (excluding Japan) of the Famicom to Atari. After haggling for a couple of days in Japan, Atari’s lead attorney Skip Paul got the go-ahead from Ray Kassar (President of Atari) and Manny Gerard (President of Atari parent Warner Bros) to make the deal. The contracts were drawn up and the two companies entered due diligence.

The Oopsie: The deal never finalized. The first problem came at CES in 1983. Nintendo had sold the home computer rights for Donkey Kong to Atari, while Coleco owned the rights to Donkey Kong on cartridges. At that CES, Coleco debuted their pet project, the Adam home computer. And the key piece of software they demonstrated on it? Donkey Kong. Mind you, Coleco never cleared this with Nintendo. Atari felt double-crossed and was furious. Nintendo later strong-armed Coleco into cancelling the game, even though they had no leg to stand on. Games on Coleco Adam used cartridges, not floppy discs, which is all Atari had the rights to. However, other issues arose, especially when Nintendo discovered that Atari had misled them about developing a new system of their own (later released as the Atari 7800). Both sides walked away, the game industry crashed, Ray Kassar was fired, Atari was sold to Jack Tramiel, and Nintendo later released the Famicom in the United States on their own as the NES.

I almost included the Adam Computer on the list, since it pretty much killed Coleco. But really, Coleco was swallowed up by crash with everyone else. Adam could have shit jewel-encrusted geese that laid golden eggs and they still would have folded. Coleco's ultimate demise was due to over-manufacturing Cabbage Patch Kids long after the fad had ended, then overpaying to acquire Trivial Pursuit. But Adam certainly helped.

I almost included the Adam Computer on the list, since it pretty much killed Coleco. But really, Coleco was swallowed up by crash with everyone else. Adam could have shit jewel-encrusted geese that laid golden eggs and they still would have folded. Coleco’s ultimate demise was due to over-manufacturing Cabbage Patch Kids long after the fad had ended, then overpaying to acquire Trivial Pursuit. But Adam certainly helped.

The Ramifications: Nintendo would not exist as it does today if Atari had just stayed the course. Internally, Atari had no intention of ever marketing the Famicom as anything but a last resort. The deal they made with Nintendo included no provision of good faith. In other words, they were under no obligation to actually try to market the Famicom. Instead, they would push their own 7800 out and smother the Famicom globally. However, if the 7800 bombed, they would still have the rights to the Famicom and could use it as a lifeboat. Alas, it was not to be.

Amazingly, history repeated itself in 1988. Atari was a different company by then, owned by Commodore International founder Jack Tramiel. Atari was never as successful as it had previously been, but the Atari 7800 was hugely profitable for them and opened the Tramiels eyes to the video game market. However, they struggled to create a new generation console of their own. Sega, learning of this, offered them the worldwide (excluding Japan) rights to their 16bit Mega Drive console. This time, a deal was close to being completed but never entered due diligence. Every time Sega thought they were ready to draw up the contracts, Tramiel decided to change the terms again (something he was infamous for). The process dragged out so long that Sega started having second thoughts. Sega went out on their own and launched Mega Drive in the United States as the Genesis. The rest is history.

#7: The 3DO launches at $699.

History: The 3DO was developed by the same two people who designed the Atari Lynx. That probably should have been a clue that it wouldn’t turn out so well, but you couldn’t convince EA founder Trip Hawkins of that. He bought into the technology, then came up with a novel (and absurd, but still novel) way of marketing it: he would simply create a hardware standard and license it to other companies. Thus, there would be no “first party” games for 3DO, and multiple different manufactures all offering essentially the same console. Also, Trip’s license agreement stipulated that he would set the price.

The Oopsie: That price was $699, over four-times the price of its two main competitors, the Genesis and SNES. Hawkins was inspired by the Commodore 64’s $599 price tag. He figured, since the 3DO was more powerful than Commodore 64 (top-selling computer of all time), and could do more stuff, it should be priced higher. Why not? I guess he forgot that the Commodore 64 was a computer and the 3DO was a glorified video game machine. Mind you, the 3DO was mostly made out of cheap, off-the-shelf parts. In fact, expensive components (the same ones that would later be used in the PS1 and Nintendo 64 that allowed for higher polygon counts) were dropped from the initial design in order to keep the cost of manufacturing down. The 3DO could have sold at $300 or possibly even $200 and turned a profit. Again, the Commodore 64 (which could have been sold profitably at $100) inspired Hawkins. His inspiration was tragically misguided.

Also worth noting: the controller was just awful. Diagonal movement didn't work properly unless you loosened the screws on the back of it. They also only included three face buttons, and this is after fighting games forced a six-button standard.

Also worth noting: the controller was just awful. Diagonal movement didn’t work properly unless you loosened the screws on the back of it. They also only included three face buttons, and this is after fighting games forced a six-button standard.

The Ramifications: These days, the 3DO is looked back on as somewhat funny, somewhat sad footnote in gaming history. But before it launched? The hype on it was unreal, at least on the same level Xbox had when Microsoft entered the console business. Time Magazine named 3DO “Product of the Year” for God’s sake, the only pure gaming device to ever receive it. And the media had an infatuation with Trip Hawkins. People Magazine even named him to their annual 50 Most Beautiful People list. It was the first, and let’s face it, the only time the mainstream media was actively cheerleading a new game console. Yes, the lack of any first party software hurt, but if the system had been priced at $300, the 3DO almost certainly would have exploded. The landscape of gaming today would be unrecognizable. Greed is not good.

#6 – Atari rushes Pac-Man and E.T. into production, then over-manufactures them.

The History: The Atari 2600 was kind of a bust. And then Nolan Bushnell got beached by Warner Bros for calling a board meeting without Warner representation, Ray Kassar took over, licensed top arcade hit Space Invaders for the console, and sales exploded. By a stroke of luck, Atari already owned the home rights to all of Namco’s arcade games, and when Pac-Man became the new cock of the walk, Atari was elated.

The Oopsie: At the time the Atari 2600 port of Pac-Man went into production, developers hadn’t learned how to fully optimize the console. Tod Frye, a developer who wasn’t considered especially skilled among his colleagues, was selected by Kassar to deliver Pac-Man within the four-month deadline. His selection inspired huge jealousy among his co-workers, who circulated a memo asking “Why Frye?” He was paid a ten-cent royalty on every unit sold, which meant he stood to become a millionaire whether the game sucked or not. And suck it did. Pac-Man enthusiast and Atari marketing manager Frank Ballouz told Kassar that fans would hate Atari’s port and they should postpone it until it was better. Kassar ignored him and ordered twelve million copies to be manufactured. Just under ten million people owned Ataris at this point. Kassar figured that, like Space Invaders before it, people would purchase Ataris just to play Pac-Man. He was wrong.

To Kassar’s credit, he did learn his lesson, and Atari eased up on over-manufacturing games. That is, until E.T. That one wasn’t Kassar’s fault. Manny Gerard, president of Warner Bros, wanted to secure Steven Spielberg to produce movies for their studio, and thus, as an incentive to secure the director, included a deal to make a game based on E.T. For it, Spielberg netted $25,000,000, plus a hefty royalty. Under the terms Gerard secured, there was no way Atari could profit on the game. Kassar really got a shit deal. Gerard wanted Warner’s movies to do well, and screwed Atari over in the process, since they would end up posting a loss for the benefit of the unrelated movie division. Gerald also guaranteed Spielberg the game would be out by Christmas, giving Atari only five weeks to produce the game. Gerald then made Atari manufacture four million copies, without doing any market testing. I mean, it was a game based on the highest grossing movie of all time. What could go wrong?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The Ramifications: Atari sat on some of the largest quantities of inventory crush by volume in consumer electronics history. Both games sold very well, and if they hadn’t been over-manufactured, you would have to include them on any list of the most successful games ever, regardless of quality. In Pac-Man’s case, Atari probably did turn a profit on it despite of the crush. They paid Namco a very, very low royalty on it, and it did sell millions of copies. Its top consequence was it shook consumer confidence in Atari’s ability to have decent home translations. Space Invaders on the 2600 was a very close facsimile of the coin operated version. Pac-Man was like a bad bootleg.

In the case of E.T., Manny Gerard’s deal with Spielberg not only cost Atari millions in revenue due to inventory crush, but they also had to swallow Spielberg’s insane signing bonus. Warner as a whole ultimately made out pretty decent in the deal (which led to the production of the hit films Gremlins, the Color Purple, and The Goonies), while Atari got left holding the bag. These two games alone did not crash the industry, but they contributed to the action that actually did do the job. But that’s going to be covered in the next part.

Click Here Continue to Part 2

Fancy Skulls – Preview

Watch Miko play Fancy Skulls here!

I admit that when I first saw Fancy Skulls, based purely on the art, I thought it was going to be someone’s first attempt at a game. The graphics looked plain and combat rather simple. I think there’s an expression about not counting chicken covers before they’ve hatched into books that fits here. Something like that.

fancyskulls01Fancy Skulls is a first-person shooter which pits the player against a different enemy encounter in each room they enter amongst a series of floors. Enemies are activated by walking over a large button in the center of the room and it’s your job to determine in an instant what you’re fighting, what safe zones you have, if any, and how you’re going to clear the room. Once the room is cleared, you’re free to advance to another. Progress is not entirely linear and is dependent on what the random level generator creates. Sometimes you open a gateway to the next floor immediately, sometimes you need to clear the entire floor before you can move on.

While most enemies tend to fire red and blue balls (heh) at you, some launch “heat-seeking”, floating bombs in your general direction that lock onto you. You can either shoot them back at the attacker or kill the attacker outright if you can get a clear shot. A particularly painful baddie bounces around the room, firing lasers at you and demands quick reflexes to take out.

fancyskulls04The art style I mentioned above is Googie-esque (think The Jetsons or classic Star Trek sets) and is pleasing to look at. Enemies have peculiar shapes that are really cool and fitting. I got a kick out of this.

What Worked: The game isn’t on rails and allows the user to to begin a fight when they are ready. Randomized secondary weapons that spawn create a different experience each playthrough. While I poked fun at the art style right away, once I saw it in action for myself, I really enjoyed it. Then again, I recently discovered that I love Googie design almost as much as I love Art Deco. FINE! Call me biased!

What Didn’t Quite Work: Some of the art assets look very similar to treasure chests. So much to the point I was confused for a bit when a box wouldn’t open for me, no matter how much I spammed the Use key.. While I eventually figured out the difference between black box vs. off-kilter black box, it’s confusing for a new player. The UI had some some sounds and glowy things going on that I’ve yet to figure out.

In a few instances, a locked treasure chest spawned but I wasn’t able to collect a key until the second level and couldn’t go back, leaving me feel like I’m missing something or the random generator isn’t perfectly tuned yet. Finally, some of the non-weapon items are a bit confusing such as a “Happy Eye” that left me no clue what it did until I used it.

About the Game from the Dev: Fancy Skulls is a challenging first person shooter with procedural generation, permadeath and distinct art style. It has intense and tactical combat, unique weapon mods and items that change the way you play.

It has been inspired by games such as Nethack, Binding of Isaac, Spelunky, Bioshock, Quake and Team Fortress 2 as well as abstract impressionism, tribal art, and low-poly 3D modeling.

About the Dev: tequibo has eight games to their name dating back to 2009. Working on Fancy Skulls for a year and a half, the hope is to have it Greenlit on Steam to have it played on Early Access, using the money to support working on it to pay for rent, food, and socks.

fancyskullslogo02Developer: tequibo – tequibo

Game Website: Fancy Skulls

Release Date: When it’s ready.