The 10 Biggest “Oopsies” in Gaming History: Part 2

Continuing from part one.

#5 – Sega’s 1995 E3 surprise launch of the Saturn.

The History: Although Sega’s Genesis (known as Mega Drive pretty much everywhere else) did pretty good in the United States, it was a colossal flop in Japan. Hell, remember the TurboGrafx-16? In Japan, it was called the PC Engine, and it outsold the Mega Drive there when they were both in the prime of their existence. Thus, I’m sure the reaction in Sega’s Japanese offices to Saturn’s launch in their country was pure euphoria. Selling for almost $500 in American dollars, their entire launch inventory was sold in just minutes. It had no bundled software, so you can throw another $85 on top of that for Virtua Fighter, which sold at a nearly 1 to 1 ratio with it. It was the best response consumers ever had to a new console from Sega. When Sony launched PlayStation a couple of weeks later, their best software (Namco’s Ridge Racer) was not exactly as desirable as Virtua Fighter, and the response was far more subdued. To prove their alpha-dog status, Sega held some of their inventory until the day PS1 launched, so that the two would be sold side-by-side. PS1 did not sell out, and Saturn did again. Sony’s board of directors wasn’t exactly confident in this whole gaming bullshit, and Sega looked like they were going to assure their quick exit from the scene when it launched in the United States on September 2, 1995.

The Oopsie: When Sega debuted the Saturn for the American press at the first E3 in 1995, they announced it would cost $399 (probably too expensive, but far less spendy than its Japanese counterpart). Oh, and it was out now. The console had shipped to four retailers that were seemingly chosen out of a hat. Babbages, Electronics Boutique, and Software Etc (now all collectively known as Gamestop) and Toys ‘R Us. Sega came across like the biggest pussies on the planet. It stunk of a desperation move, and they had no reason to be desperate. Sony’s limited track record in gaming was hardly successful. Before making their own console, Sony’s most acclaimed gaming achievement was publishing Mickey Mania, which had been developed by Traveller’s Tales. On the flip side, they also published games using the ESPN license. These were widely recognized as being among the worst sports games on the market. The press was skeptical of Sony’s chances. So were third parties, even with Sony’s ultra-modest $10 flat-royalty. By this point, the ripples from Nintendo’s choice to go with cartridges over CDs were being felt, and Sega had the inside track to land several huge houses exclusively. Saturn was utterly dominating PlayStation in Japan. If anything, it should have been Sony coming across as desperate and grasping at straws. With Nintendo having announced that Nintendo 64 wouldn’t launch in 1995 or even be shown off at the conference, this really should have been Sega’s coronation.

It's worth noting that Sega was handicapped by their Japanese offices in other ways. Like being told to remove the "Sega Scream" from their advertising. Why? Because it was considered undignified. I'm not kidding. Love it or hate it, that was one of the most successful marketing catchphrases of the 90s. But we wouldn't want to offend the corporate suits in Tokyo, would we?

It’s worth noting that Sega was handicapped by their Japanese offices in other ways. Like being told to remove the “Sega Scream” from their advertising. Why? Because it was considered undignified. I’m not kidding. Love it or hate it, that was one of the most successful marketing catchphrases of the 90s. But we wouldn’t want to offend the corporate suits in Tokyo, would we?

Instead, Sega’s showing at E3 in 1995 officially kicked off their downward spiral that ultimately knocked them out of the manufacturing business. And mind you, Sega had no way of knowing that Sony was going to drop their $299 bombshell moments later. For all they knew, they had every single imaginable advantage going into the show. I often asked myself “what were they thinking?” over the course of writing this feature. But for Sega’s early launch of Saturn, I asked it the most. It’s the only folly on the list where you simply can’t spin it in any way where it sounds remotely logical.

The Ramifications: Sega could have hired goons to take the stage and gun down those in attendance and done less damage. The four retailers Sega shipped the Saturn to hadn’t exactly been their most important partners with the Genesis. Kay*bee Toys, a powerhouse of retail during this era, had devoted a lot of their marketing and shelf space to Sega over the previous couple years. They responded to being cut-out of Saturn’s surprise launch by dropping Sega entirely. Walmart and Target wanted to renegotiate their agreement with Sega and put significantly more marketing effort into Nintendo’s products. Hell, Walmart even agreed to carry the Atari Jaguar, well past the point where it was a viable console, and guess whose shelf-space that ate into? Sega only sent out 30,000 units, which really hammers home how last-second and poorly thought-out the decision was. The 30,000 wasn’t enough to fill all the preorders at the locations that accepted them, and some of them didn’t even give what little qualities they received to the people who had reserved them. The press was offended. Retailers were offended. Third parties were offended. Consumers were offended. People credit Sony with making few mistakes in rolling out the PlayStation, but really, Sega made it easy for them. It opened doors for Sony, both to retail outlets and to third parties. Upon launch, Sony immediately took a lead on Saturn in the United States, secured exclusivity of Final Fantasy VII for Japan (which Sega was in contention to have themselves) to take the lead there, and never looked back. Today, Sega makes games for them. And it all started with the most ill-conceived surprise announcement in gaming history.

#4 – Nintendo double-crosses Sony over the Super Nintendo CD-ROM drive known as the Play Station.

The History: Back in 1988, when Nintendo was designing the Super Famicom, they struck up a working relationship with Sony. One of Sony’s lead engineers, a fellow by the name of Ken Kutaragi, had developed a high-performance, low-cost audio processor that was exactly what Nintendo was looking for. Sony wasn’t even aware he was working on the project. They had no interest in joining the highly competitive game industry, and were actually kind of pissed that one of their guys spent so much time and resources putting it together without their approval. If Nintendo hadn’t purchased it, he would have certainly been fired. Not only did Nintendo love it, but they were so impressed by Sony’s initiative that they hired them to develop a CD-ROM add-on for the SNES.

Here’s where it gets sketchy, and also gives me pause to think Nintendo must suck at making contracts for partnership. I mean, remember the fiasco where they almost signed over the rights for the NES to Atari without making sure Atari actually had to, you know, build and sell the damn thing? Well, this one is almost as bad. The deal they made gave Sony full control over all the software licensing and royalties for games on the CD format. So, in other words, Nintendo wouldn’t be able to power-trip over third parties like they had with the NES. No, in this case, it would be Sony doing that. While Nintendo would retain unlimited rights to make games themselves at a significantly smaller royalty rate, Sony would essentially own and control all aspects of the CD-ROM. Nintendo agreed to this because it was the only way Sony would agree to the project. Nintendo, knowing that Sega was working on a CD-ROM of their own, felt that they would give up claims of technological superiority over Sega as their customer base grew older and more sophisticated. They needed a CD-ROM drive, because it was as high-tech as electronics got at this point. The deal was struck and Sony began work on the project. At CES in 1991, at Sony’s lavish press conference, they unveiled the CD-ROM they had spent over two years working on: the Nintendo Play Station.

The Oopsie: The next day, Nintendo announced that they had a partner that would bring a CD add-on to the Super Nintendo: Phillips. Also known as Sony’s chief competitor in almost every facet of their business. Nintendo did not give any prior warning that they were doing this. As far as Sony knew, Nintendo was pleased with what they had done and their partnership would be long and prosperous. Nintendo’s announcement left them shell-shocked. The press was right there with them. Since Sony had focused so much time at their own conference on the Nintendo project and even showed off working hardware, people in attendance at Nintendo’s presser actually thought they had simply spoken the wrong company’s name by mistake. Several times.

No vaporware has ever come at as high a cost.

No vaporware has ever come at as high a cost.

Sony was humiliated. Contrary to popular belief, they didn’t swear a blood-vendetta on the spot. In fact, once they went home and licked their wounds, they called Nintendo and re-entered negotiations. Presumably the call started out with “Yo bro, what the fuck?” In 1992, Nintendo and Sony agreed to new terms that reassigned all software and royalty rights back to Nintendo, but there was too much bitterness and it never completed due diligence. Sony’s board of directors, sick and tired of all this video game nonsense, overwhelmingly was ready to vote to abandon the project. However, Sony’s CEO, Norio Ohga, swayed the board to give this Kutaragi guy a chance to spin-off the Nintendo project as their own console. After deleting the space between “Play” and “Station”, Sony began the process of deleting Nintendo’s dominance over the industry.

The Ramifications: You’re living them right now. Because the world as you know it would not be the same if Sony never made a game machine of its own. Literally every single thing would be different. Despite what people think, the PlayStation wasn’t Sony’s revenge on Nintendo. Although I’m sure they were pleased once they took over the throne, the world just isn’t that black and white. The truth is, Ohga pushed forward on PlayStation because he had taken a shine to Kutaragi. Here was a guy who took it upon himself to do a high risk project that only had one specific customer in mind. A customer that they had never previously spoken to about selling any proprietary hardware to. Hell, Kutaragi didn’t know a single thing about the Super Famicom at the time he started creating what would end up being its audio system. He just assumed that Nintendo would make a next-gen platform at some point,  and if they did, hell, why not buy something from Sony for it? The fucking gall it took quite frankly impressed Ohga. It reminded him of himself at that age. The real irony is, if Nintendo had been aware that the audio processor they had purchased from Sony for the SNES was entirely conceived by Kutaragi, without any of his superiors knowledge or approval, they would have simply hired him themselves. Sony never would have gotten into the game business, and we wouldn’t recognize the world today.

So why didn’t I put this #1, like most of my friends thought it should be? Because I’m not entirely convinced Ohga wouldn’t have just said “you know what, fuck it, let’s just make our own console” with or without Nintendo’s double-cross. You’ll note that Nintendo never came out with a CD-ROM from Phillips either. Let’s say they never sign with Philips and stick it out with Sony. Who is to say the Nintendo Play Station ever sees a retail shelf in this alternate history? PlayStation doesn’t exist because Nintendo fucked them. PlayStation exists because a man named Ken Kutaragi enjoyed playing video games with his daughter so much that he wanted to be a part of them. It makes the Oopsie list because PlayStation could have been Nintendo’s, not because PlayStation exists at all.

#3 – Nintendo chooses cartridges over CDs for Nintendo 64.

The History: This one is a lot more cut and dry than previous blunders I’ve listed. Nintendo had failed to bring out the CD-ROM add-on for the SNES, and by 1994, was the only major game manufacturer without a disc-based game system. In 1993, they announced their next console, known then as “Project Reality”, would be built by the same engineers that designed the super computers that made the special effects in Jurassic Park possible. When Nintendo released the conceptional specs, their new game machine clearly was technologically superior to anything Sony, Sega, or 3DO had built. Third-parties salivated. It looked like Nintendo would continue to dominate the worldwide gaming industry.

The Oopsie: After spending a few months leaking new details of Project Reality every couple of weeks, Nintendo announced on May 5, 1994 that their next console would use cartridges instead of CDs. Third parties, even those close to Nintendo, were dumbstruck. By this point, Sony had circulated their licensing plank around the game industry: a flat royalty rate of $10 per game, with Sony eating the cost of manufacturing themselves. Nintendo, on the other hand, would have a scaled rate and would set manufacturing parameters on game size and minimum orders for each region that would directly eat into their partners profit margins. In other words, developing a 650MB game for Sony would cost a third-party not a single cent in manufacturing. Making an 8MB cartridge on Nintendo 64, on the other hand, would cost a third-party around $20. And mind you, that’s before Nintendo’s licensing royalty came out. If you were not a studio with deep pockets, the choice of which platform to develop for was suddenly a no-brainer.

Cost of goods: $1 worth of plastic. $1.50 worth of silicon. Billions in industrial edge.

Cost of goods: $1 worth of plastic. $1.50 worth of silicon. Billions in industrial edge.

The speculation on why Nintendo chose carts includes many theories. Nintendo primarily said it was an issue of load times. In 1994, when the Nintendo 64 was being designed, load times for CD based games were brutal. Consumers were used to popping in a game, hitting the power button, and playing immediately. Nintendo felt that such load times were to blame for Sega CD’s mediocre sales. Privately, Nintendo president Hiroshi Yamauchi was not thrilled with the idea of Nintendo’s next platform being saturated by gimmicky full-motion-video titles, like what befell Sega CD, and thought going with cartridges would discourage it. The press speculated it was more about preventing piracy. In later years, Nintendo of America Chairman Howard Lincoln crowed that piracy on N64 was almost non-existent, while it was a major problem for Sony.

Most third parties, on the other hand, thought Nintendo had more sinister motivations. They believed Nintendo went with cartridges so that they could control the manufacturing and distribution of all the titles on their platform. Carts allowed Nintendo to hold all the cards. They could tell developers “you have to order X amount of cartridges at $X a pop or you can’t order at all.” This was a way of working around anti-trust issues that had landed Nintendo in court more than once over the previous two generations. Whether their speculation was accurate or not, it was being whispered. And, because the Nintendo 64 was now suddenly expensive to develop for, third parties began to rethink their business plans.

The Ramifications: Nintendo lost key third-party support to Sony, including iconic titles that ultimately gave them industrial leadership. Final Fantasy VII was suddenly a free agent. Square ultimately chose PlayStation after Sony offered to handle all the marketing for it internationally. Capcom abandoned plans to develop its remake of Famicom RPG/horror title Sweet Home for Project Reality, and instead made it for PlayStation and later Saturn as Biohazard in Japan and Resident Evil in the United States. Tekken, Ridge Racer, and Soul Edge, all by Namco, began life as projects for Nintendo’s new console, along with Rayman by Ubisoft and Tomb Raider by Eidos. Needless to say, these titles made a difference.

There were other issues. The extra cost of cartridges were passed on to consumers. Nintendo 64 games were typically more expensive than titles on PS1 or Saturn. Nintendo 64 still included memory cards, which was a little insulting.  One of the major advantages of carts is they can use battery back-up and eliminate the need for external memory. But it caused a slight increase in the manufacturing cost of the game, so Nintendo included memory cards as an option to drive those costs down. Mind you, this mostly benefited Nintendo. Third parties still had to assume the expensive manufacturing costs, and what little they did save was not passed onto consumers. Games that used the memory card, like the highly anticipated Turok: Dinosaur Hunter by Acclaim, didn’t retail for less than games that did use battery back-up.

Ultimately, you can sum up the ramifications just by the game count. There were over 1,300 games released for the PlayStation. There was just under 600 games released for the Sega Saturn. For the Nintendo 64? 387 games worldwide. Three-hundred and eighty-seven. Now, don’t get me wrong, some of those Nintendo 64 games were giants in the annals of gaming. But, the Nintendo 64 had image problems and ultimately was not the “cool” platform, like the PlayStation was. With cutesy titles like Mario 64 and Banjo Kazooie, Nintendo 64 couldn’t shake the image of being a children’s platform. If the N64 had been the exclusive home of games such as Resident Evil, Final Fantasy VII, and Tekken, it not only would have been able to overcome that issue, but Sony (whose board of directors never wanted to be in gaming in the first place) might not have stuck it out for another generation and beyond.

Then again, being on Nintendo platforms seems to have an uncanny ability to uncoolify just about anything. This is an actual screenshot of Final Fantasy VII from its days under Nintendo 64 development. As a friend told me, it looks very........... Nintendo.

Then again, being on Nintendo platforms seems to have an uncanny ability to uncoolify just about anything. This is an actual screenshot of a Final Fantasy concept from its days under Nintendo 64 development. As a friend told me, it looks very……….. Nintendo.

#2 – Atari’s inaccurate sales projections lead to the Great Video Game Crash.

The History: By 1982, Atari had become the most profitable company in the world, netting a $400,000,000 profit (after taxes, mind you). Atari alone accounted for 70% of the total operating profits in Warner Bros’ entire empire. In the weeks leading to Atari’s investor conference call in December, 1982, Warner executives had touted that Atari would post an increase of sales of 50% over the fourth quarter. Warner stock, and the stocks of every publicly traded company associated with video games, soared. Gaming looked unstoppable.

The Oopsie: The boasting of Warner executives was exaggerated. On December 7, 1982, Atari released their official projections for the 1982 holiday season: a 10% to 15% increase in sales. That’s right: games didn’t stop selling. They just didn’t sell at a fast-enough rate to satisfy speculators. Stock analysts were shocked, and they raced to see who could dump their shares the fastest.

The Ramifications: By the end of the day, Warner stock had fallen nearly seventeen points. Activision’s stock also tumbled. Mattel’s did. Coleco’s did. Newcomers to the scene Imagic, who were on the verge of having what was projected to be a very lucrative IPO, instead were cut off by banks and investors who stopped making payments to them (such actions are illegal now). Seed capital for gaming start-ups in the Silicon Valley evaporated overnight. Inventory managers working at major retail chains were told by corporate superiors that the ceiling on gaming had lowered and to reduce their orders for gaming related inventory. This came as a big surprise to them, since games were still generating the majority of their profits, and were one of the few “toy” related items that sold year-round. But they had their orders.

Pictured: something that gets too much credit for the industrial crash.

Pictured: something that gets too much credit for the industrial crash.

In short, the speculative bubble had burst and the video game industry had crashed. Despite what anyone says, poor quality games had little to do with it. The market was still growing. Sales were still increasing at a steady pace. It should be noted that in 1983, the year where the crash was at its most pronounced, video game sales were up over where they were the previous year. Seven-million consoles were sold in the United States in 1983 (not bad considering there were no new ones on the market), and 75 million cartridges were sold. That’s an increase of over 15 million from the year before. And only around 27% of them were sold below manufacturer’s suggest retail price, such as games on clearance sale. That’s only a couple of points higher than the industrial average today. In other words, games themselves didn’t die, just the money in games.

Don’t get me wrong. Crappy games didn’t help. But with only a few exceptions, the quality of the games wasn’t focused on. The media’s attention was squarely on the money. Stock speculators with itchy trigger fingers are what made the money disappear. A few days after Atari’s conference call, a scandal erupted when it was revealed that Atari president Ray Kassar had sold 5,000 shares of Warner stock just 23 minutes before the announcement was made. Kassar said he needed the money for another investment, only conceding that the timing was, quote, “unfortunate.” Yeah, I’ll say. When it came out that Kassar had committed insider trading, not only did Warner’s stock take another hit, but speculators further dumped shares of Mattel, Activision, and Coleco. Again. Kassar was somehow never charged for insider trading (even though what he sold was, adjusted for inflation, more money than what landed Martha Stewart in prison for the same thing), possibly because he returned all the money almost immediately after the report of his antics came out. Kassar claimed that if he was really bailing, he would have sold more shares. Critics accused him of selling the most he thought he could get away with without making waves. Whether his motivations were intentional or happenstance, it had a devastating effect on the entire industry.

Atari never once was profitable again under Warner Bros. Ray Kassar resigned in July, 1983. By then, Warner stock had been so decimated by Atari that they were targeted for a hostile takeover by Rupert Murdoch, owner of 20th Century Fox. To replace Kassar, Warner hired James Morgan, formerly of Phillip Morris, who had been instrumental in creating the Marlboro Man. He would later return to Phillip Morris and become their CEO, then claim that cigarettes were no more addictive than Gummy Bears. As a chain smoker myself, I agree with Mr. Morgan. Quitting is easy. I do it at least 60 times a day. Morgan only lasted ten months at Atari, long enough to slash their workforce by over 70%, consolidate their facilities from fifty buildings spread across the entire Silicon Valley down to four, and dump 20,000,000 units of inventory into the market for $2 a piece. However, when he submitted his budgets to Warner, the board unanimously vetoed them each time. They told Morgan that Atari would have to fund itself through its own profits, which were non-existent. In the second fiscal quarter of 1984, Atari lost $425,000,000 over a span of only three months. Warner finally gave up and sold the company to the recently beached Commodore founder Jack Tramiel for a stack of useless promissory notes that they never collected on. Between January of 1983 and July of 1984, Atari had lost over two billion dollars. All because of stock speculation, not because of Pac-Man or E.T.

This is James Morgan, the guy who led Atari for ten months. Doesn't he just look like the type of suit who would tell people with a straight face that smoking isn't deadly?

This is James Morgan, the guy who led Atari for ten months. Doesn’t he just look like the type of suit who would tell people with a straight face that smoking isn’t deadly?

#1 – Sega does not go with DVDs for Dreamcast.

The History: Sega, having blown the inside track on dominating the Japanese game market with Saturn, licked their wounds and went about creating a new, more powerful, infinitely more easy to develop for game console. The new system, known as Dreamcast, would be based around a custom version of Windows CE and use DirectX drivers. It was higher performance than anything on the market, and Sega adjusted its licensing plank to be more competitive with Sony’s. Everything looked amazing.

The Oopsie: At this time, it was known that Sony was also developing its next generation console, and that it would likely include a DVD drive and probably play movies. This was a very attractive feature. One that Dreamcast would not include. Instead, Sega developed a proprietary media format called GD-ROM. Although GD-ROMs could store much more data than a CD, they held significantly less than DVDs. More importantly, DVDs were an emerging format for movies, and destined to explode worldwide.

Yes, including a DVD drive in Dreamcast would have significantly raised its costs. But not as much as you would think. If Dreamcast had launched with a DVD drive of similar quality to the one included in PlayStation 2, and retailed for $299.99 instead of $199.99, Dreamcast would have lost less money per unit than Sony did a year later with the PS2. That’s because Dreacmast used cheaper, less sophisticated components than PS2. Unlike PS2, the majority of Dreamcast owners over the console’s first year were very enthusiastic software buyers. Sega could have quickly recouped its losses on hardware based on the rate of software sales they had. For PS2, its primary function for most of the world was a DVD player first and a game player second. The most popular piece of software sold with PS2 at the point of sale was the Keanu Reeves film The Matrix on DVD, in both the United States and Japan. For a very large portion of the world, the PlayStation 2 was the first DVD player they ever owned. It could have, no, should have, been Dreamcast.

"I'm a killer app. Whoa."

“I’m a killer app. Whoa.”

It’s also worth mentioning that, although it was less expensive than DVDs, GD-ROMs were hardly cheap. They cost more to mint than CDs. Sega wanted a proprietary format to prevent piracy. The PlayStation 1 had a huge issue with that. Unfortunately for Sega, GD-ROMs were almost immediately cracked. Pirating of Dreamcast games began before the system even made it to America. GD-ROMs offered no advantage over CDs, besides the higher capacity that really didn’t help all that much. Sega didn’t go with DVDs because they were convinced a low retail point would give them the edge over PlayStation 2. PS2 was widely speculated to launch at $400 to $600, based on the costs of materials used in it. Sega thought they had learned their lesson with the Saturn. The problem was, the price tag wasn’t the only advantage Sony had over them. Sega didn’t realize that until it was too late.

The Ramifications: After the Japanese launch of Dreamcast, Sony announced the final specifications for PlayStation 2, including confirming the long-expected DVD drive. Dreamcast was now obsolete before it even launched in America. Sega’s only hope was to sell as many units as possible before PS2 launched, and hope like hell the its price tag would be as high-ticket as top analysts in the industry expected it to be. It wasn’t. When Sony announced the $299 price tag at E3 2000, it was all she wrote for Sega. People who had been saving for a DVD player (at a time when they were relatively expensive) now could save up for a PlayStation 2 instead. Despite Dreamcast having a fairly impressive game lineup, a PlayStation 2 simply got you more for your dollar.

I put this #1 because the other Oopsies on this list don’t necessarily turn out better if the company goes the other way. If THQ doesn’t make the uDraw, they still eventually go bankrupt. If PlayStation 3 launches at $400, Microsoft had enough high-profile games to still sell a LOT of Xbox 360s and probably lives to fight another day. If Atari comes to terms with Nintendo, the Famicom still does good enough in Japan for Nintendo to do follow-up console and presumably not make the same mistake it made before. If 3DO launches at $300, it still lacks a first party to make killer exclusive games that differentiate itself from its competition. If Atari doesn’t sit on millions of unsold Pac-Man and E.T. carts, mouthy Warner Bros. executives would still probably over-inflate sales projections and speculators would still have bailed, crashing the industry. If Sega doesn’t launch the Saturn early, they still have to compete using inferior hardware to Nintendo’s iconic first-party games and Sony’s ultra-aggressive licensing program. If Nintendo doesn’t double-cross Sony, it doesn’t necessarily mean Super Nintendo’s CD-ROM ever sees the light of day, and Sony likely still would have developed their own platform. If Nintendo chooses cartridges over CDs, Sony’s aggressive licensing program (and all the ill-will Nintendo had built up over the years) still makes PlayStation a more attractive platform for third parties. If Warner executives never open their yap, Wall Street analysts had projected Warner would post 30% increases for Atari and speculators would have bailed anyway.

You'll note that Sega tried to distance themselves from the "Sega" name as much as possible, using minimum amount of branding when promoting Dreamcast. Even the jewel cases of the games typically didn't have the name "Sega" anywhere near "Dreamcast." It was so awkward.

You’ll note that Sega tried to distance themselves from the “Sega” name as much as possible, using minimum amount of branding when promoting Dreamcast. Even the jewel cases of the games typically didn’t have the name “Sega” anywhere near “Dreamcast.” It was so awkward.

Dreamcast lacking DVDs is the only “Oopsie” where you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that things would have been better for Sega if they had gone the other way. A Sega Dreamcast with a DVD player survives well beyond year two. A highly acclaimed system with one of the most diverse and fucking awesome lineup of first-party games of all-time? PlayStation 2, GameCube, and Xbox launching against a console with one of the highest software sales penetration rates ever? I weep for the incredible battle we all missed out on. The Dreamcast is probably my favorite game console of all time. And if it could have played Forrest Gump, it doesn’t die an early death. What can they say? Oopsie!

The 10 Biggest “Oopsies” in Gaming History: Part 1

Some of my readers are idiots. I mean, I love you all. I really do. But a lot of you guys have your heads so far up your ass that you could floss your teeth with your small intestines. Especially when you say stupid shit like this:

THE WII U IS THE BIGGEST DISASTER IN GAMING HISTORY!

Holy hyperbole, Batman! Have you ever looked into the history of gaming? Companies have made a lot of really stupid moves. I said I could come up with at least ten things worse than Wii U, and I think I have. And I’ll share them with you. Now, we don’t know what the long-term ramifications of Wii U will be. Maybe it will ultimately be the biggest blunder in gaming history. But it’s too soon to tell. With the ten examples I’ve come up with, we can definitively point to them and say “those mistakes had significant consequences.”

Here’s what DID NOT make the list.

Virtual Boy – Yes, it flopped. But Nintendo certainly did not over-manufacture it. And nobody can say they waited too long to pull the plug. It’s a black-eye on their record, but Nintendo has never come remotely close to giving up their title of most successful portable gaming developer. If Virtual Boy was in any way consequential, they would have.

32X – 32X was bad, but it could have been a lot worse. Originally, it was going to be an entirely new console called “Genesis 2” with the only improvement being a slightly upgraded GPU that was capable of displaying more colors. Sega of America hated the idea and pushed for an add-on instead. It was over-priced ($179.99 at launch) and the games for it were mediocre (one title, Cosmic Carnage, was so bad that Sega’s development team circulated a petition to have it cancelled). Sega was also slightly dishonest, implying that a Genesis with 32X and Sega CD would be compatible with its upcoming Saturn console. When Trip Hawkins of EA and 3DO (more on that later) said it wouldn’t be, they said he didn’t know what he was talking about. But, of Sega’s MANY problems, this wasn’t that high on the list. Even when it was cleared out at $19.95, it wasn’t losing THAT much money (possibly even breaking even). Most of the money lost from 32X was the result of over-manufacturing software for it, and the ensuing inventory crush.

Shaped like a mushroom, in honor of the substance taken by the guys who built it.

Shaped like a mushroom, in honor of the substance taken by the guys who built it.

Microsoft Buys Rare – At the time, this sure seemed like one of the biggest coups in gaming history. Rare was fresh off creating some of the most iconic games for Nintendo 64. They were Nintendo’s single most important partner for the N64, and helped Nintendo cap off the SNES successfully with its Donkey Kong Country series. Ultimately though, it was inconsequential to Nintendo and fairly costly for Microsoft. Rare’s early efforts on Xbox flopped, and Microsoft ended up looking like they were sold a bill of goods. It’s widely believed that executives at Microsoft thought they were also acquiring the rights to Donkey Kong. I’m not sure how even the most dense person could not know it wouldn’t be part of the package, especially after going through the type of due diligence acquisitions like this are subject to, but that’s what people say. The Rare of today is, for all intents and purposes, a new studio completely different from the one Nintendo sold Microsoft. But it didn’t really hurt Microsoft, so it doesn’t belong on the list.

So what did make the list?

#10 – THQ over-manufactures the uDraw tablet, for the wrong platforms.

The History: THQ was a giant among third parties. They owned some of the most lucrative licenses in gaming. Nickelodeon. Pixar. WWE wrestling. All of them resulting in top-selling games. And, unlike Acclaim near the end of their existence, THQ’s games tended to be higher quality. And then they made uDraw.

The Oopsie: Let’s be clear about something: uDraw was a modest success on the Wii. At least the initial hardware bundle was. The software for it was never a big seller, in part because the games were a bit weak. I did have a uDraw and Pictionary for it, and my family enjoyed it quite a bit. However, I think convincing them to give Disney Princesses a try would have been a tough sell.

Having said that, THQ wanted to recoup their investment in the R&D for the project and decided to give it a kick at the can on Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. Even though it just didn’t seem like the demographics would match up at all on those platforms. Although they only manufactured it for a relatively short period of time (four months), they ended up with over $100,000,000 in inventory crush, which might be the largest amount of crush any third-party game company has ever had. What the HELL were they thinking?

What a fiasco. Thankfully, no game company would ever be crazy enough again to release a gimmick tablet as a console controller with a silly "U" stuck in the title for no damn reason ever again.

What a fiasco. Thankfully, no game company would ever be crazy enough to release a gimmick tablet as a console controller with a silly “U” stuck in the title for no damn reason ever again.

The Ramifications: They went bankrupt. Now, I don’t mean to imply that the only thing THQ did wrong was uDraw. When a company the size of THQ goes bankrupt, it is never one thing. They had tons of issues on a managerial level. But there’s no denying that uDraw was the tipping point. It’s like how saying the Titanic sank because it hit an iceberg is grossly oversimplifying things. The ship couldn’t turn fast enough, was going too fast at the wrong time of day to be trying such speeds, at the wrong time of year, in the wrong part of the ocean, with not enough lookouts. Hitting the iceberg was practically inevitable. uDraw was THQ’s iceberg. At a time when the company’s financing was shaky at best, being stuck with over one-million units of relatively expensive dead inventory was simply too much to overcome. The way they were being managed, they were destined to sink anyway, but you sort of have to give credit to the iceberg.

#9 – PlayStation 3 launches at $599 (or $499).

The History: Sony had a very storied legacy of surprising the game industry by modestly pricing their hardware. In 1995, at the first E3, Sony shocked the world (especially Sega – more on them later) by announcing that PlayStation would retail for $299.99. In fact, “$299” was the entire speech given by Sony’s American president Steve Race at the show. It was, and probably still is, the biggest bombshell ever at E3. Analysts predicted that PS1 would retail for at least the same, but likely more, than the Sega Saturn’s $399 tag.

Fast forward to 2000. Everyone knew for sure that PlayStation 2 would have to retail for around $500. After all, it was a DVD player, at a time when those were still relatively new and expensive. Not only that, but it was a fucking super computer! George Lucas claimed it was more powerful than the computers used to create the special effects for Star Wars: Episode 1. When Sony announced they were once again launching at $299, it is said that Sega chairman Isao Okawa turned to his assistant and said “it’s over.” In 2006, at E3, people had come to expect the $299 price tag, no matter what analysts predicted. Or, at the very least, it would be priced to match the $399 Xbox 360.

The Oopsie: At E3 2006, Sony announced that PlayStation 3 would have two SKUs. One would include a 20GB HDD for $499, and one with a 60GB HDD for $600. On the bright side, they managed to shock the crowd at E3 again. But this time, it was for the wrong reasons.

"Wait, did they say $600?" "What? I didn't hear. I was too busy admiring the Spider-Man font. Classy shit that font is."

“Wait, did they say $600?” “What? I didn’t hear. I was too busy admiring the Spider-Man font. Classy shit that font is.”

The Ramifications: I had friends argue that the price ultimately didn’t matter. Sony is still around, and the PS4 is outselling the Xbox One. To which I say, tell Microsoft the PS3 launch price didn’t matter. To them, it was like a presidential pardon. Sony had dominated the previous two console generations, so much so that they knocked Sega out of the manufacturing business altogether. The absurdly high price tag on PS3 opened the door for Xbox 360 to ultimately outsell the PS3 (though it was very close, with just a couple million units separating them worldwide). This just a generation after the PS2 outsold the Xbox by over 130 million units. And let’s not forget Nintendo, who ultimately won the generation in terms of hardware by a comfortable margin (over 20 million units more than Xbox 360 and PS3). In the previous two generations, Sony’s consoles sold a quarter-of-a-billion units combined to Nintendo’s measly 55 million combined for Nintendo 64 and GameCube. Anyone who doesn’t think Sony’s price tag cost them a chance to put one or both of those players out of the market forever is kidding themselves.

#8 – Atari fails to come to terms with Nintendo for the rights to NES, then does it again with Sega years later.

The History: Nintendo had a tough time breaking into the US arcade market. And, when they did with Donkey Kong, they were immediately dragged into a lawsuit by Universal Studios. In 1983, the Nintendo’s Famicom console had taken Japan by storm. They knew it could be successful in the United States, but they had found the experience of handling everything themselves to be bothersome and infuriating. So they decided they would seek a partner. Internally, they briefly discussed going with Coleco, who they had licensed Donkey Kong to for the Colecovision’s launch. However, the lawsuit with Universal had soured them on that, as Coleco spinelessly settled without attempting to put up any fight, and they did so behind Nintendo’s back. So, Nintendo decided to offer the worldwide rights (excluding Japan) of the Famicom to Atari. After haggling for a couple of days in Japan, Atari’s lead attorney Skip Paul got the go-ahead from Ray Kassar (President of Atari) and Manny Gerard (President of Atari parent Warner Bros) to make the deal. The contracts were drawn up and the two companies entered due diligence.

The Oopsie: The deal never finalized. The first problem came at CES in 1983. Nintendo had sold the home computer rights for Donkey Kong to Atari, while Coleco owned the rights to Donkey Kong on cartridges. At that CES, Coleco debuted their pet project, the Adam home computer. And the key piece of software they demonstrated on it? Donkey Kong. Mind you, Coleco never cleared this with Nintendo. Atari felt double-crossed and was furious. Nintendo later strong-armed Coleco into cancelling the game, even though they had no leg to stand on. Games on Coleco Adam used cartridges, not floppy discs, which is all Atari had the rights to. However, other issues arose, especially when Nintendo discovered that Atari had misled them about developing a new system of their own (later released as the Atari 7800). Both sides walked away, the game industry crashed, Ray Kassar was fired, Atari was sold to Jack Tramiel, and Nintendo later released the Famicom in the United States on their own as the NES.

I almost included the Adam Computer on the list, since it pretty much killed Coleco. But really, Coleco was swallowed up by crash with everyone else. Adam could have shit jewel-encrusted geese that laid golden eggs and they still would have folded. Coleco's ultimate demise was due to over-manufacturing Cabbage Patch Kids long after the fad had ended, then overpaying to acquire Trivial Pursuit. But Adam certainly helped.

I almost included the Adam Computer on the list, since it pretty much killed Coleco. But really, Coleco was swallowed up by crash with everyone else. Adam could have shit jewel-encrusted geese that laid golden eggs and they still would have folded. Coleco’s ultimate demise was due to over-manufacturing Cabbage Patch Kids long after the fad had ended, then overpaying to acquire Trivial Pursuit. But Adam certainly helped.

The Ramifications: Nintendo would not exist as it does today if Atari had just stayed the course. Internally, Atari had no intention of ever marketing the Famicom as anything but a last resort. The deal they made with Nintendo included no provision of good faith. In other words, they were under no obligation to actually try to market the Famicom. Instead, they would push their own 7800 out and smother the Famicom globally. However, if the 7800 bombed, they would still have the rights to the Famicom and could use it as a lifeboat. Alas, it was not to be.

Amazingly, history repeated itself in 1988. Atari was a different company by then, owned by Commodore International founder Jack Tramiel. Atari was never as successful as it had previously been, but the Atari 7800 was hugely profitable for them and opened the Tramiels eyes to the video game market. However, they struggled to create a new generation console of their own. Sega, learning of this, offered them the worldwide (excluding Japan) rights to their 16bit Mega Drive console. This time, a deal was close to being completed but never entered due diligence. Every time Sega thought they were ready to draw up the contracts, Tramiel decided to change the terms again (something he was infamous for). The process dragged out so long that Sega started having second thoughts. Sega went out on their own and launched Mega Drive in the United States as the Genesis. The rest is history.

#7: The 3DO launches at $699.

History: The 3DO was developed by the same two people who designed the Atari Lynx. That probably should have been a clue that it wouldn’t turn out so well, but you couldn’t convince EA founder Trip Hawkins of that. He bought into the technology, then came up with a novel (and absurd, but still novel) way of marketing it: he would simply create a hardware standard and license it to other companies. Thus, there would be no “first party” games for 3DO, and multiple different manufactures all offering essentially the same console. Also, Trip’s license agreement stipulated that he would set the price.

The Oopsie: That price was $699, over four-times the price of its two main competitors, the Genesis and SNES. Hawkins was inspired by the Commodore 64’s $599 price tag. He figured, since the 3DO was more powerful than Commodore 64 (top-selling computer of all time), and could do more stuff, it should be priced higher. Why not? I guess he forgot that the Commodore 64 was a computer and the 3DO was a glorified video game machine. Mind you, the 3DO was mostly made out of cheap, off-the-shelf parts. In fact, expensive components (the same ones that would later be used in the PS1 and Nintendo 64 that allowed for higher polygon counts) were dropped from the initial design in order to keep the cost of manufacturing down. The 3DO could have sold at $300 or possibly even $200 and turned a profit. Again, the Commodore 64 (which could have been sold profitably at $100) inspired Hawkins. His inspiration was tragically misguided.

Also worth noting: the controller was just awful. Diagonal movement didn't work properly unless you loosened the screws on the back of it. They also only included three face buttons, and this is after fighting games forced a six-button standard.

Also worth noting: the controller was just awful. Diagonal movement didn’t work properly unless you loosened the screws on the back of it. They also only included three face buttons, and this is after fighting games forced a six-button standard.

The Ramifications: These days, the 3DO is looked back on as somewhat funny, somewhat sad footnote in gaming history. But before it launched? The hype on it was unreal, at least on the same level Xbox had when Microsoft entered the console business. Time Magazine named 3DO “Product of the Year” for God’s sake, the only pure gaming device to ever receive it. And the media had an infatuation with Trip Hawkins. People Magazine even named him to their annual 50 Most Beautiful People list. It was the first, and let’s face it, the only time the mainstream media was actively cheerleading a new game console. Yes, the lack of any first party software hurt, but if the system had been priced at $300, the 3DO almost certainly would have exploded. The landscape of gaming today would be unrecognizable. Greed is not good.

#6 – Atari rushes Pac-Man and E.T. into production, then over-manufactures them.

The History: The Atari 2600 was kind of a bust. And then Nolan Bushnell got beached by Warner Bros for calling a board meeting without Warner representation, Ray Kassar took over, licensed top arcade hit Space Invaders for the console, and sales exploded. By a stroke of luck, Atari already owned the home rights to all of Namco’s arcade games, and when Pac-Man became the new cock of the walk, Atari was elated.

The Oopsie: At the time the Atari 2600 port of Pac-Man went into production, developers hadn’t learned how to fully optimize the console. Tod Frye, a developer who wasn’t considered especially skilled among his colleagues, was selected by Kassar to deliver Pac-Man within the four-month deadline. His selection inspired huge jealousy among his co-workers, who circulated a memo asking “Why Frye?” He was paid a ten-cent royalty on every unit sold, which meant he stood to become a millionaire whether the game sucked or not. And suck it did. Pac-Man enthusiast and Atari marketing manager Frank Ballouz told Kassar that fans would hate Atari’s port and they should postpone it until it was better. Kassar ignored him and ordered twelve million copies to be manufactured. Just under ten million people owned Ataris at this point. Kassar figured that, like Space Invaders before it, people would purchase Ataris just to play Pac-Man. He was wrong.

To Kassar’s credit, he did learn his lesson, and Atari eased up on over-manufacturing games. That is, until E.T. That one wasn’t Kassar’s fault. Manny Gerard, president of Warner Bros, wanted to secure Steven Spielberg to produce movies for their studio, and thus, as an incentive to secure the director, included a deal to make a game based on E.T. For it, Spielberg netted $25,000,000, plus a hefty royalty. Under the terms Gerard secured, there was no way Atari could profit on the game. Kassar really got a shit deal. Gerard wanted Warner’s movies to do well, and screwed Atari over in the process, since they would end up posting a loss for the benefit of the unrelated movie division. Gerald also guaranteed Spielberg the game would be out by Christmas, giving Atari only five weeks to produce the game. Gerald then made Atari manufacture four million copies, without doing any market testing. I mean, it was a game based on the highest grossing movie of all time. What could go wrong?

Yeah.

Yeah.

The Ramifications: Atari sat on some of the largest quantities of inventory crush by volume in consumer electronics history. Both games sold very well, and if they hadn’t been over-manufactured, you would have to include them on any list of the most successful games ever, regardless of quality. In Pac-Man’s case, Atari probably did turn a profit on it despite of the crush. They paid Namco a very, very low royalty on it, and it did sell millions of copies. Its top consequence was it shook consumer confidence in Atari’s ability to have decent home translations. Space Invaders on the 2600 was a very close facsimile of the coin operated version. Pac-Man was like a bad bootleg.

In the case of E.T., Manny Gerard’s deal with Spielberg not only cost Atari millions in revenue due to inventory crush, but they also had to swallow Spielberg’s insane signing bonus. Warner as a whole ultimately made out pretty decent in the deal (which led to the production of the hit films Gremlins, the Color Purple, and The Goonies), while Atari got left holding the bag. These two games alone did not crash the industry, but they contributed to the action that actually did do the job. But that’s going to be covered in the next part.

Click Here Continue to Part 2

Fancy Skulls – Preview

Watch Miko play Fancy Skulls here!

I admit that when I first saw Fancy Skulls, based purely on the art, I thought it was going to be someone’s first attempt at a game. The graphics looked plain and combat rather simple. I think there’s an expression about not counting chicken covers before they’ve hatched into books that fits here. Something like that.

fancyskulls01Fancy Skulls is a first-person shooter which pits the player against a different enemy encounter in each room they enter amongst a series of floors. Enemies are activated by walking over a large button in the center of the room and it’s your job to determine in an instant what you’re fighting, what safe zones you have, if any, and how you’re going to clear the room. Once the room is cleared, you’re free to advance to another. Progress is not entirely linear and is dependent on what the random level generator creates. Sometimes you open a gateway to the next floor immediately, sometimes you need to clear the entire floor before you can move on.

While most enemies tend to fire red and blue balls (heh) at you, some launch “heat-seeking”, floating bombs in your general direction that lock onto you. You can either shoot them back at the attacker or kill the attacker outright if you can get a clear shot. A particularly painful baddie bounces around the room, firing lasers at you and demands quick reflexes to take out.

fancyskulls04The art style I mentioned above is Googie-esque (think The Jetsons or classic Star Trek sets) and is pleasing to look at. Enemies have peculiar shapes that are really cool and fitting. I got a kick out of this.

What Worked: The game isn’t on rails and allows the user to to begin a fight when they are ready. Randomized secondary weapons that spawn create a different experience each playthrough. While I poked fun at the art style right away, once I saw it in action for myself, I really enjoyed it. Then again, I recently discovered that I love Googie design almost as much as I love Art Deco. FINE! Call me biased!

What Didn’t Quite Work: Some of the art assets look very similar to treasure chests. So much to the point I was confused for a bit when a box wouldn’t open for me, no matter how much I spammed the Use key.. While I eventually figured out the difference between black box vs. off-kilter black box, it’s confusing for a new player. The UI had some some sounds and glowy things going on that I’ve yet to figure out.

In a few instances, a locked treasure chest spawned but I wasn’t able to collect a key until the second level and couldn’t go back, leaving me feel like I’m missing something or the random generator isn’t perfectly tuned yet. Finally, some of the non-weapon items are a bit confusing such as a “Happy Eye” that left me no clue what it did until I used it.

About the Game from the Dev: Fancy Skulls is a challenging first person shooter with procedural generation, permadeath and distinct art style. It has intense and tactical combat, unique weapon mods and items that change the way you play.

It has been inspired by games such as Nethack, Binding of Isaac, Spelunky, Bioshock, Quake and Team Fortress 2 as well as abstract impressionism, tribal art, and low-poly 3D modeling.

About the Dev: tequibo has eight games to their name dating back to 2009. Working on Fancy Skulls for a year and a half, the hope is to have it Greenlit on Steam to have it played on Early Access, using the money to support working on it to pay for rent, food, and socks.

fancyskullslogo02Developer: tequibo – tequibo

Game Website: Fancy Skulls

Release Date: When it’s ready.

Final Flight of the Perseus

Sigh. Another game by a really, really close friend. In this case, the developer is Jesse Chounard. I was originally reluctant to review his new title, Final Flight of the Perseus, because I just reviewed not one but TWO games by my good buddy Edward D. Geronimo. By the way, it must really suck to be Ed. People are constantly screaming his name when they jump off high places. Sorry. I forgot to use that joke in both the Sportsfriends and Turtle Tale review, and who knows when I’ll get another chance to. Anyway, I hated Turtle Tale and said as much, and thus I feel comfortable talking about Jesse’s game.

It’s a wave shooter set in space, and a fairly basic one. On consoles, this isn’t exactly my favorite genre. On phones? I actually enjoy them quite a bit. Especially the way shooting is handled in both this and Hypership: Out of Control (which Jesse handled the porting of to iOS). There’s no fire button. Your ship shoots automatically. It makes playing such an joy, because you can devote your attention entirely to dodging enemies and maneuvering into position. It’s an awesome system, one that I wish more games would adapt. A lot of mobile shooters would have benefited from not having to tap the screen to fire.

Gameplay is fairly minimalistic. There’s no items at all to collect. Instead,  you earn money from each enemy you kill, which you spend on upgrades between each wave. Unfortunately, there’s only three: gun power, gun speed, and shields. You can replace the shields as you go along (well, most of the time. I actually stumbled upon a glitch that prevented me from buying them during my best run, which Jesse is going to patch out), but they get progressively more expensive. There’s a handful of bosses, and then levels start to loop after you clear the 28th. And that’s basically it.

Is it fun? Yes. As safe and shallow as it is, I was really surprised by how much it sucked me in. This is especially surprising given that the last game I played was also a safe and shallow game by a friend. And it was a platformer, a genre I typically like a lot more than space shooters. Some things are inexplicable I guess. It probably helps that there’s online leaderboards, and that the game is free. If you have no money on your iAccount, you could do a lot worse than wasting your time with Final Flight of the Perseus. You could be wasting your time with the Perseus’ other final flight, Wrath of the Titans. That movie fucking sucked.

IGC_ApprovedFinal Flight of the Perseus was developed by Third Party Ninjas.

It’s Chick Approved and ranked on the Indie Gamer Chick Leaderboard.

Policy Update: Review Copies for Multi-Platform Releases.

At Indie Gamer Chick, we pay for every game we review. Even when we take a review copy because the game is not on the market yet and the only way to access it is by accepting a token, we still pay for the game when it is released. This feature has been extremely well received by both indie developers and gamers. I truly feel it’s one of the main reasons why this blog is so popular. It makes us stand out in a crowded field. When I offered to wave the policy for Miko and Indie Family Man, they turned it down. Why? Because it’s what makes this site unique.

However, now that so many indies are being released on multiple platforms, it’s becoming expensive to cover some games. The policy needs to be updated in a more reasonable way. So, if developers wants a review to include details on every platform a game is on, we’re going to start accepting review copies. We will still purchase the game on the platform the game costs the most on, or whatever platform we intend to primarily use for our play-through. For all other platforms, we’ll ask for review copies.

In the past, we only accepted review copies if it was the only way to access a game before it’s release, or if the game had online multiplayer. For online games, the review copy was given to a friend so that we would have someone to play against. That person had little to no feedback in the review. Under our new policy, we might need more than one code for some platforms.

Because of this new policy, we can introduce two new features to Indie Gamer Chick.

Multi-Platform Comparison: If we strongly prefer one version over another, a sidebar will be placed in the review that will explain why. It might be because one version runs smoother, or because we thought a particular system’s controller made a game play better. We’ll also compare the different online experiences. If there’s not a significant difference between the platforms, it will be noted during the wrap-up, under the game’s price-line.

Review Updates: As of this writing, IndieGamerChick.com has reviews for 524 games. 488 from me and 36 from members of Indie Gamer Team. Most of those games are now available on multiple platforms. If developers would like, we can update those reviews to include thoughts on the game on other platforms. We will need review copies for this. If you want us to update the old review, hit us up on Twitter: Indie Gamer Chick, Miko (we really need a name for her), and Indie Family Man. We won’t turn away any requests for a multi-platform update, and this will not count as a game’s Second Chance.

We’re coming up on the third anniversary of Indie Gamer Chick. We’ll be celebrating in multiple ways. We’ll be introducing Miko’s Leaderboard. I’ll be updating my Top 25 Xbox Live Indie Games of All-Time feature. I’ll be bringing in more writers. And finally, there will be another Indie Gamer Chick Bundle at Indie Royale. It’s been our pleasure to serve indie game developers and indie game fans with our no-holds-barred approached to reviewing, and we look forward to many more. Much love to the entire community, and thank you for your continued support. Game on!

Turtle Tale

Turtle Tales comes to us from Saturnine Games, the developers of Antipole. I loved Antipole. I put it in the Indie Gamer Chick Bundle (the second bundle coming in July). And, in the interest of full disclosure, I was pretty good friends with lead programmer Ed Geronimo. Was. Ed tragically died this morning. Someone seems to have bludgeoned him to death with a 3DS XL. Cops have no leads, except that he wrote “Cat..” in blood. So clearly the perp is a giant feline. Probably a Vita fan.

Don’t look at me like that. I’m totally innocent.

Well, before I kil…….. I mean before his accident (you know those 3DSs, they’re death traps), I had a chance to play his latest last game, Turtle Tale. It’s a decidedly old-school platformer/shooter where you play as a turtle with a squirt gun. Does it do any turtle-like things? Not at all. It doesn’t use it’s shell, act timid, eat pizza, or anything. Ed pointed out to me that Sonic doesn’t do anything resembling a hedgehog either. To which I say “hedgehogs are not turtles.” Anyway, using the squirt gun, you have to traverse a variety of levels fighting off a small handful of enemies. It looks like a kiddie game, and at first, that’s pretty much what it is.

And then it gets teeth.

You can’t game over in Turtle Tale, but the sheer douchery of enemy placement and level design will have you screaming in agony. When you take damage, the hero has a Castlevania-esque recoil that often will send you off the edge of a cliff. The recoil is a bit too dramatic, but in addition, you don’t “blink” from damage for very long. Not even long enough to jump out-of-the-way. You’ll often encounter two enemies that criss-cross in their walking patterns. You’ll hit one, bounce into the other, hit it, and continue bouncing until your life is drained or you get knocked off a platform and plunge to your death. This doesn’t just happen once or twice. Hell, the last few stages of the game are designed specifically with narrow ledges so that nearly every hit against you will drop you to your doom.

Turtle Tale

The little witch doctor guys are too damn spongy. Which I guess is fitting, considering that you’re shooting them with water.

And then there’s the birds. The god damned fucking birds. They typically start out of reach from your gun (which can only shoot straight in front of you. Apparently the turtle suffers from Mega Man Arthritis), and swoop down. The seagulls won’t wait for you to do the swooping, meaning if you stand around long enough, you’ll eventually get a clear shot. There’s also toucans, which seem to always appear in pairs and won’t start to drop down until you pass by. Those people listening to me as I played assumed the names of them were “mother” and “fucker” since that’s typically what I screamed out when encountering them. And finally, there’s parrots, which are basically clones of Cheap-Cheaps from Super Mario Bros. All of these enemies are hugely annoying, especially on the final stages where all the platforms are narrow, leading to insta-kills. I don’t know what Ed was thinking when he over did these. Seriously, Ed? Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near……….. a ledge?

I went back and forth on Turtle Tale. I didn’t like it at all at first. It’s bland, too easy, unambitious, and overly-simple. Most of those problems never resolve themselves. There’s no upgrades for your gun. There’s not a large variety of enemies. The level themes don’t really mean anything, besides a stage or two where you have deal with rising and sinking lava. There are no power-ups to collect. There’s only one boss fight and it’s unoriginal. There are 100 fruit in each stage, and collecting all of them opens a second quest, but if you’re like me, you’ll be anxious for the game to be over with by that point and a second quest won’t be in the cards. But really, Turtle Tale is so bare-bones that I honestly thought it was a game designed for very young children. So, before I made it far enough to realize the difficulty ramps up, I secured a copy for Indie Family Man to let his kids play. I also cashed in my pre-release copy on my neighbor’s 3DS. He’s seven years old, so I figured he was the right age for it. And he liked it! So did Paolo’s kids, though they chose to ignore the fruit as well.

The 3D effects impressed everyone else I showed them to. In all seriousness, while it doesn't directly affect my epilepsy, it does give me headaches and motion sickness.

The 3D effects impressed everyone else I showed them to. In all seriousness, while it doesn’t directly affect my epilepsy, it does give me headaches and motion sickness.

After one of the slowest starts for an indie I’ve encountered here, Turtle Tale does ramp up, and becomes more interesting as a result. But, it’s kind of too late by that point. Probably because Turtle Tale never strives to be unique. The levels are all so basic in design. The kind of levels you would see from a first-year game design student, and not one expected to make the honor roll. Probably the best part of Turtle Tale is the graphics. Although the characters are all fairly generic, it does make pretty good use of the 3D screen, at least from what little I could play with the feature turned on before my brain threatened to have a re-release party in my mouth with this morning’s breakfast as the guest of honor.

But seriously, what happened Ed? I mean, not that you can answer, what with your skull caved in and everything, but seriously. How do you go from making Antipole to this? Well, I guess the answer is he was also busy helping with the sublime Sportsfriends and various other projects. It didn’t leave a lot of room for creativity. The only way its memorable is how it lulls you in with its kiddie coat of paint and then utterly pulverizes you with some of the most unfair (yet still incredibly plain) level design on the 3DS. Maybe I placed too much faith on Ed because of his past accomplishments. I’ll admit, the whole losing my shit and embedding the neighbor kid’s 3DS in his skull was perhaps over-reacting a bit. I mean um………. crap, I guess that counts as a confession. Oh well, I’ll just pay the $50 fine and move along. My condolences to his family. Though really, this is kind of their fault. They should have told him the toucans were a dick move.

Turtle Tale LogoTurtle Tale was developed by Saturnine Games

$2.99 said “see, I can review games by my best buddies and still be objective” in the making of this review. Ed’s corpse totally agrees.

A pre-release code for Turtle Tales was provided to Indie Gamer Chick earlier this week. At Indie Gamer Chick, all reviews are paid for in full by the writer. Turtle Tale was released today on the 3DS eShop and a full copy was purchased by Cathy. For more on this policy, consult our FAQ.

 

Blok Drop U and Color Zen

Today, I played a couple minimalist Wii U puzzlers that are sort of tough to review. There’s just not a whole lot to them. In Blok Drop U, you must eliminate blocks until you can drop the red target block onto a stable, not-deletable platform. Unlike most puzzlers, Blok Drop U makes no attempt to ease you into the mechanics. There’s no tutorial stages that the recently lobotomized would be embarrassed to play. The very first puzzle is an actual puzzle, and you’re left on your own to get the hang of the physics and objectives. In a way, it’s kind of refreshing. But, once you get a feel for the physics, the game loses its teeth quickly. After a few stages, Blok introduces things like saw blades and bouncy blocks. The curve to get the hang of these was relatively small and I finished all 30 puzzles offered here in about 90 minutes. More puzzles will arrive via free DLC, but for now, the pickings are Calista Flockhart slim.

The developers really should have come up with some kind of theme, ANY THEME, for Blok Drop U. Further proof that Portal, for all the good it did, was a destructive force for gaming.

The developers really should have come up with some kind of theme, ANY THEME, for Blok Drop U. Guide a toe fungus onto a nail. Drop the Pope into the Popemobile. Land Hitler’s brain into a Jar. Anything would have been better than nothing. Sadly, everyone wants a sweet, sweet taste of that Portal-style minimalism pie. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Portal has creatively bankrupted an entire generation.

I guess I enjoyed Blok Drop U, but I have a few nits to pick. At Indie Gamer Chick, I almost never talk about graphics. I’m very much a “gameplay is King” type of chick. But, I kind of have to talk about it here. Blok Drop U’s visuals are so dull that it becomes almost tiring. I certainly wasn’t bored by it, but I’m wired to enjoy puzzle games. I think the developers failed themselves as commercial artists here. These visuals almost feel like they’re giving up on attracting non-puzzle fans. Maybe that wasn’t their actual intent, but it feels that way. I know that minimalism is an established style, especially on the indie scene, but games are a visual medium and gamers are looking for stimuli. With the possible exception of the saw levels, Blok Drop U is about as stimulating as a warehouse full of straw.

Blok Drop U was developed by RCMADIAX ($1.99 said the developer is paying for the word "Block" in monthly installments and will finally pay off the letter "C" sometime in 2015 in the making of this review)

Blok Drop U was developed by RCMADIAX ($1.99 said the developer is paying for the word “Block” in monthly installments in the making of this review)

My only other complaint is sometimes the physics seem to screw you over. Like having the target block fall straight down, without sloping, landing flush on a platform, and then rolling. I don’t know how it built the inertia to roll, but that screwed me over once or twice. But again, those are just pickled nits. Besides the short length and the lack of curve, Blok Drop U is a perfectly fine game. It’s also the cheapest game in the entire Wii U eShop at $1.99, and I do recommend it.

Oh, and to address the elephant in the room, YES, it’s on the wrong platform. It should be on 3DS. It just makes more sense as a portable game.

Speaking of which, Color Zen released this week on Wii U. It is coming to 3DS as well in June, which is really the only Nintendo platform it should be on. But hey, they don’t want to let all 47 Wii U owners down, and props to the guys at Cypronia for their consideration.

Like Blok Drop U, you’ve probably played games like this. There’s a colored frame around the playfield, and various colored shapes. Pushing matching shapes causes the entire screen (except whatever shapes are different colors) to become just that color. Keep doing this until there’s no more shapes left to match, at which point you win the round if the whole screen matches the color of the frame. Along the way, they throw in colors like white (which acts as a sort of wildcard) and black (which will eliminate an object instead of painting the screen with it). It’s a fairly simple game, and again, stuff like it has been done before. By the way, I hate it when I struggle to explain a relatively easy concept. Here, just look at the gameplay trailer.

Get it? Okay. You certainly get a lot of content for $4. There’s over 450 puzzles here, and there are different variations, like levels where some objects are mirrored and you move two at once. Overall, it’s a good package and worth the money.

But..

First off, and I know I say this almost every time I bring up the fucking thing, but the Wii U is the completely wrong platform for this game. Levels in Color Zen can be knocked out in a minute or two, making it perfect for portable gaming. In fact, there’s no point in having the television on at all since all the gameplay and action is done with the touch screen.

Side note: I've seen abstract art like this fetch thousands in the Bay Area. Perhaps the developers wasted their time with this silly indie game crap.

Side note: I’ve seen abstract art like this fetch thousands in the Bay Area. Perhaps the developers wasted their time with this silly indie game crap.

As far as the puzzles go, maybe it was just me, but I kind of found them to be easy. It’s simple process of elimination. Since the game tells you the final color you must activate, you just have to identify which object will get you that color and work backwards from there. It’s usually self-evident, and thus I bulldozed the majority of the puzzles, with only a small handful giving me pause. Then again, the game is called “Color Zen” so I’m not sure it was meant to be all that challenging. It’s also worth noting that a friend questioned how I could plow through it so easily when many stages left him positively stumped. As demonstrated by Gateways, Spy Leaks, Aesop’s Garden, and several other titles where I was the only critic that actually finished them, I’m just wired to be good at this genre. Your mileage may vary.

Color Zen was developed by Large Animal Games ($3.99 noted the game is free on iOS and Android but getting all the puzzles found in the Wii U version will still run you $3.99 in the making of this review)

Color Zen was developed by Large Animal Games ($3.99 noted the game is free on iOS and Android but getting all the puzzles found in the Wii U version will still run you $3.99 in the making of this review)

I guess it’s nice that the Wii U is finally getting a decent assortment of games of different genres and prices. However, I’m still waiting for that defining game that can only be done using the Wii U’s unique hardware and controller. We were told that the Wii U was a unique experience that would contain all kinds of games that couldn’t be done anywhere else and it just plain hasn’t happened. I’m issuing a challenge to all indie developers with eyes on Wii U: you do it. Nintendo isn’t. Major third parties aren’t. Someone out there has to have an idea of how to justify this machine’s existence as something other than a cautionary tale for would be console manufactures.

“You better be a good game maker, or else your next console will be a Wii U!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

IGC_ApprovedBlok Drop U and Color Zen are Chick-Approved and ranked on the Indie Gamer Chick Leaderboard.

 

 

Luna’s Wandering Stars

Lunas Wandering Stars - PlanetsMy nine-year-old crashed through the door one day excitedly demanding a piece of paper and pencil.

“Why do you need them?” asked my wife as she handed them over.

“SCIENCE!” And, off he went back outside writing down his observations.

I guess it doesn’t help that both my sons have been on a MythBuster’s binge on Netflix and have grown an incredible fascination with science. My eldest has been very interested in studying airplanes and flight, so when I heard about “Luna’s Wandering Stars”, it was the perfect opportunity to see what he thought of this educational game.

“Luna’s Wandering Stars” is a series of challenging physics puzzles staring our moon, “Luna.” Luna visits the nine planets* of the Solar System solving various physics puzzles. Each planet presents a unique set of challenges centered around a playable theme using Newtonian Physics. In the early levels, you launch Luna on various trajectories, much like “Angry Birds: Space.” In later levels, you are only given the ability to use thrusters to change your trajectory. And in another set of levels you can “change the gravitational constant of the universe”, with a flick of the mouse. And that is just for the starting planets! There are six more fun and interesting themes to discover.

To complete a level, you have to guide, launch, or boost Luna to collect asteroids. Once you collect enough asteroid mass, you pass the level. This can be easily accomplished, but the real challenge is collecting gold asteroids which unlock the other planets in the Solar System. To complicate matters, for every asteroid that is collected, Luna gains mass. This can affect the momentum and velocity of Luna in mid-flight, making it much more challenging than merely flinging birds in zero gravity.

*Kid's today aren't told the true story of Pluto, the missing planet

*Kid’s today aren’t told the true story of Pluto, the missing planet

The presentation is top-quality with beautiful space backgrounds and epic music encouraging you to step up to the challenge. To counter the almost overblown feeling of awesomeness is an ironic self-awareness: the game’s instructions and narration is loaded with dripping sarcastic humor. There are also a lot of quotes from all over geek-culture. I have to admit that I had to research the Shakespeare quote, but I laughed out loud when I saw a “Community” reference. It was hard explaining to my nine-year-old what was so funny with the commentary at the completion of each level and even with the narrator’s jabs for making epic failures.

Some of the levels are pretty challenging, and after about 30 minutes of deep concentrated play, my nine-year-old had to take a break. I continued to play, and there were even a few levels I had to skip or had to accept a less than perfect solution just to move onto the next challenge. Mileage may vary, but I thought that this game was perfect for teens to adults in terms of challenge.  However, one of the things I found missing was some sort of indicator that I had unlocked the next planet. An indicator for when the next planet unlocks is not only just for a good reference point, but for me it serves as a motivator to keep trying for more gold asteroids.

Even failing still looks spectacular.

Even failing still looks spectacular.

Just when I had thought that I had discovered everything the game had to offer, I noticed another button on the Start Menu that I hadn’t clicked before. I clicked the “Custom” button. I was entirely oblivious to what that meant. I thought it was just an “options” screen, but it turned out to be a full-fledged level editor! Here, I could recreate and expand on levels that I liked in the original game itself. And then my jaw dropped even further when I learned that I could also upload my levels and download levels created by other people to try. In fact, someone had already made and uploaded a “shooting” arcade-style survival game starring Luna.

Space FoundationIt made me wonder what else would be created if this game was given to a much larger audience, and I was very pleased to find out that “Luna’s Wandering Stars” is being featured at the Space Foundation Symposium later this week. I am certainly looking forward to seeing even more levels once more people start trying it out.

A week after our initial test run, my son was asking how gravity works. To help my son understand, I showed him a YouTube video of a professor using a spandex sheet to demonstrate what gravity fields look like. He watched as ball bearings made their little orbits on a warped surface representing “space-time.” Almost immediately, the lightbulbs in his head went off and he yelled, “That’s exactly like ‘Luna’s Wandering Stars’!” Suddenly, my nine-year-old son understood what the game was really all about: learning truths about science.

That’s what makes “Luna’s Wandering Stars” not just an excellent game with fun mechanics, a wicked sense of humor and a wide variety of levels and designs, but also a great educational experience.

Luna's IconLuna’s Wandering Stars was developed by Serenity Forge

IGTlogo-01$9.95 for not just a fun game, but for the lights going off in a curious child’s mind while learning about space and physics. It was worth infinitely more than the single CFL lightbulb I could get at the same price. (And less toxic for the environment!)

Luna’s Wandering Stars is Indie Gamer Team Approved.

That Trivia Game

Some people feel I review too many trivia games at Indie Gamer Chick. I don’t know how to respond to that. I guess I’m such a fan of You Don’t Know Jack that I keep looking for the next evolution in video game trivia. And you would think that would come from the indie scene, where irreverence and quirkiness are a way of life. But it hasn’t happened yet. Or at least I haven’t found it. Probably the most inspired entry in the genre I’ve found is Triviador on Facebook of all things, which mixes Trivial Pursuit with Risk. Not a wild idea or anything, but it’s a step in the right direction. Otherwise, your only options for stuff that tries to be a little more than a glorified pop-quiz are the Scene It series, and those aren’t exactly magnificent or anything. I’m more than a little surprised that indies seem to phone in the trivia genre. Maybe it’s good for getting your feet wet in game development, which is why nobody really takes risks with it.

Wait, there a tube other than YouTube?

Wait, there a tube other than YouTube?

By far the most unambitious title in the genre I’ve run across so far is That Trivia Game, which recently hit the PlayStation 4. I literally only have two positive things to say about it. First, I never stumbled upon a question where the correct answer was in fact not accurate. More than half the trivia games I’ve played on IGC have had that issue. Second, there’s full voice acting for all the questions, although the puns and barbs the host throws at you sound half-hearted and are never funny.

As for the actual game, there’s four rounds in That Trivia Game. In the first, you answer five questions from a subject of your (or one of the other players) choosing. Correct answers net you 250 points. You then are given one final question in that round, where you can wager as much as 750 points. In the second round, incorrect answers in the multiple choice disappear, and you get more points for answering before they do. In the third round, you simply get more points for answering quickly. The final round is almost identical to the Jack Attack round in any You Don’t Know Jack game. Answers to a question appear one at a time and you must buzz in when the correct one is on-screen. The first person to get it gets 1,000 points, while every incorrect answer costs you 1,500.

I guess for a $10 indie trivia game, I expect more. The play style is as basic as possible. There’s no online play, so unless you have extra controllers and people up for playing with you, you’re stuck with an utterly brain-dead AI opponent. Besides the occasional question based around a photograph or drawing, there’s nothing resembling personality or edginess to the trivia presented. And, the gameplay isn’t always right. Take the third round, where the points decrease at a steady rate. There’s nothing wrong with this style, except the countdown should ideally wait at least a second or so, long enough for you to read the question. It doesn’t, and thus unless you blindly stab at one of the answer buttons, it’s impossible to get the maximum point value out of it.

This is the only time you wager points. It's at the end of the first round, and you can't even bet the maximum amount of points (which at most can be 1,250). So very lame.

This is the only time you wager points. It’s at the end of the first round, and you can’t even bet the maximum amount of points (which at most can be 1,250). So very lame.

Most of all, the value sucks. $10 nets you the much more entertaining Scene It! on PlayStation 3, and you can nab You Don’t Know Jack on PS3 or Xbox almost anywhere for $15 or less. Or you can pay nothing and find hundreds of free trivia apps all over mobile phones, online, or on Facebook. This is one of those rare games where I have no choice but to factor in the price. Anything but free is too much for a game like this. And even if it were free, I’m not sure it’s worth the space. It’s just plain boring. You could dig up a corpse that was buried ten years ago and find bones less bare than those of That Trivia Game.

That Trivia Game logoThat Trivia Game was developed by The Game Room

$9.99 is drooling at the prospect of 1 vs 100 returning to Xbox in the making of this review.

 

Always Sometimes Monsters – Preview

Always Sometimes Monsters (“ASM”) is a game about the choices we make in our everyday lives that have a profound impact on us in ways we don’t notice. Here, you’re chasing after the one who got away, and you have one month to raise funds by helping people around town, picking up odd jobs, and networking to get across the country to stop their wedding.

ASM01ASM offers the player an experience that will be almost entirely distinct to them. Depending on whom you talk to, when you talk to them, and what you ultimately decide to do about them, the game plays out differently. Almost every action has a consequence (good, bad, or something in-between) that affects the outcome of your journey. Will you help a little old lady clean her apartment or help a friend set up for his concert? Will you blackmail a doctor to save your friend’s girlfriend, who you hate with a passion?

In my playthrough, I worked at a tofu factory, wrote some articles, walked in on a couple having sex, and met the devs of the game as they sat in a cafe. Something nailed here is that I felt bad whenever I discovered that I could no longer help someone out, like I let them down (sorry people who lost their homes to a development project).

With a storyline that molds to whatever you make of it, Always Sometimes Monsters toys with your morality along your journey to the end in ways that make you go happy or wretch with disappointment at yourself. It’s fun! (Oh, and you can finish the game in three minutes if you want. You’ll see!)ASM02

What Worked: I have never experienced a game quite like this before, and it was very memorable. ASM pulls at the heartstrings and allows you an enormous amount of freedom while still keeping you within the confines of the story it tells. Oh, and thank you to the devs from the bottom of my heart for not giving us an incredibly small inventory.

What Didn’t Quite Work: The in-game time flow of time can be confusing. You don’t know exactly how long each event you’re doing is going to last, so you don’t know if you have time for things you want to do that day. The clock, which resides inside your inventory, can also be difficult to read as it has a meter that fills once you do something story-related. It wasn’t until I understood that I’m not going to be able to go back and help both Friend A and Friend B that I finally felt better about advancing. Unlike Harvest Moon, you can’t squeeze out a bit more time to both harvest and talk to townspeople. You only get to do one or the other, and then it’s the next day.

About the Game From the Devs: The game was largely inspired by a cross-country backpacking trek called Gamer Unplugged where ASM’s writer and co-creator, Justin Amirkhani, traveled around America meeting game developers in an effort to figure out what made them satisfied and happy with their craft.

I did some digging and found this in-depth article on Polygon about the trek here: http://www.polygon.com/gaming/2012/7/23/3177525/a-unplugged-gamers-cross-country-journey-of-introspection. It’s a fascinating read.

ASMlogo

Developer: Vagabond Dog – http://www.vagabonddog.com/

Game Website: http://www.alwayssometimesmonsters.com/

Release Date: May 21, 2014