Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse (Sega Master System/Sega Game Gear Review)

September 11, 2023 by 16 Comments

Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse
Platform: Sega Master System & Sega Game Gear
Developed by Sega
First Released February, 1991
NEVER BEEN RE-RELEASED

I figured it was just going to be a journey through 8-bit versions of the Genesis game’s set pieces. Hah. Yea, some of the themes repeat, but this is a whole different mouse, folks.

Take a look at pretty much any “best of the Sega Master System” list and Castle of Illusion is bound to show up. I’m always a bit of a skeptic when it comes to such lists, and..

Wait, hold on.. I’m having a case of déjà vu over here.

Okay, it’s gone now, because thankfully, Castle of Illusion’s 8-Bit version is actually a completely different game. I don’t mean just in the level design sense, like the difference between, say, Crazy Castle on the GameBoy and the NES. No, this is not a “re-imagining” or a “demake” or anything like that. Think of it as the little brother to the Genesis game that bears only a passing “clearly they’re siblings but not twins” type of resemblance. In fact, this feels like an amalgamation of three elite Disney games: the Genesis Castle of Illusion, along with the NES classics DuckTales and Rescue Rangers. Mickey doesn’t really do anything from a mechanical point of view to stand apart from those. I figured, as great as those games are, 8-bit Castle of Illusion ran the risk of not having an identity of its own. Yet, a startling amount of my readers insisted this was the superior Castle of Illusion game. Friends I trusted seemed to agree. I thought there was no way it could be true.

It is.

I’m going to just come out and say it: sentient chocolate bars as bosses are a crime against nature. It’s just.. wrong. And this one was only slightly more tolerable than the one from Cuphead. Which I remembered after this was really supposed to be a waffle. For God’s sake, Cathy, its name is Sir Waffington III.

I think a big part of that is Castle of Illusion SMS isn’t a game you can sleepwalk through. This one has teeth, folks. I died a lot, and while the game is thankfully plentiful with extra lives, I admit, I was sweating a few sections. Whereas Castle of Illusion Genesis has its platforms fine-tuned for thrilling jumps, the 8-bit version instead focuses on fine-tuned enemy placement. While the collision detection is a little bit on the iffy side, the challenge is more about timing. Knowing when to make your moves. When to attack, and when to back off. Combat is done two ways. The butt-stomp from the Genny game makes its triumphant return here, only this time, you don’t spring-up the entire height of the screen off enemies. I think this makes it more satisfying, as it gives the world a more nuanced sense of weight and gravity that the more “advanced” Genesis version was lacking.

This has a lot more restraint than Rescue Rangers does.

Then there’s the Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers style pick-up-and-throw mechanics, only it’s done in a more methodical “lift with your knees” type of way. You can pick-up rocks, barrels, balls, occasionally keys, and various other assorted blocks to use as throwing weapons. Unlike Rescue Rangers, they don’t just fly across the screen. Perhaps the most fine-tuned aspect of the game is the range you get with them. No cowardly “one-shotting an enemy from across the screen” malarkey here. You actually have to get close enough to be at-risk. I’d say Castle of Illusion is more conservative with the ammo, but everything respawns nearly the moment you leave that part of the map. This includes all the blocks. Otherwise, I’d say conservation of ammo factors in. It still sort of does.

Sometimes they do other things. Like this “block” is a lantern that allows you to, you know, see where you’re going.

Where an enemy lurks, there’s usually only a single block, maybe two, to deal with it. That’s assuming there’s any at all and you’re instead expected to use Mickey’s legendary rear-end. You can’t just “deal” with enemies with the projectiles. The way these baddies are designed is precision-engineered to require you to actually take your time and aim. They’re a jittery bunch, but in a good way. Original too. There’s a section with R.C. cars and planes where trying to attack them is pointless. Instead, you have to get rid of their remote control. I mean, come on! That’s charming! I was so certain I would prefer the frantic, fast-paced throwing action of Rescue Rangers, and boy, was I wrong. And I didn’t even mention that the blocks aren’t just throwing weapons. While rocks and balls vanish after a single use, the barrels can be used both as weapons and as stepping stones to reach higher platforms.

Even without the dazzling visuals, there’s several memorable set pieces.

Another big change is this Castle of Illusion heavily rewards exploration. Levels 1 – 3 can be played in any order, then levels 4 and 5 as well. Seemingly taking most of its inspiration from Capcom’s DuckTales, levels are laid out in a semi-labyrinthine style. There’s two extra hit points hidden in the game. I didn’t even find one of them in my first play-through, because I didn’t take the path to it on the stage it was on. Later, the game repeated the Genesis “there’s seven gems but only five levels” thing that made me roll my eyes. “Why not just have five gems?” Except, I missed a gem on the fifth stage. Again, I just didn’t take the right path and ended up in the boss chamber without it. After winning the fight, I had to replay the level to go get it. Upon picking it up, the game tallied up my points for the stage instead of making me refight the boss. I was a very happy person at that point.

This is an auto-scrolling section, and I normally hate those. This is different. Here, you have to allow the scrolling to push you under this gap. Clever. SMS Castle of Illusion doesn’t overuse the auto-scrolling, but when it’s there, it’s some of the best usage of this style of platforming design in gaming history.

And by the way, there’s six levels this time. After gathering the seven gems, instead of just cutting straight to the last boss, you play a sixth level. So, seven gems, six levels, seven boss fights. And not a stinker in the bunch. Each of the six levels is a joy to explore. Often tough, but never unfair. When I died via timing out, it felt like I deserved it. When I missed my jumps, I knew it was on me. When an enemy got me, I knew it was my fault for not attacking it right. And those bosses? Each one killed me at least once because I tried to cheese them and paid the price for it. In fact, 8-Bit Castle of Illusion has the best boss fights of any of the Disney games I’ve reviewed so far. I’ll take it a step further and say this is easily the best game in the whole marathon. As a reminder, this is the twelfth Disney release I’ve played. Better than Rescue Rangers. Better than the other Castle of Illusion. This is the current leader. And, while I’ve got over six-dozen left to go, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if this Castle of Illusion ran the table from here.

Hey Capcom! Pay attention! I died on every single boss EXCEPT the last one, and that was sheer luck on my part. I died TWICE on this dragon. You don’t have to phone-in the finale of every level and have your bosses be total push-overs just because it’s a Disney property. Castle of Illusion has the best boss fights of any platform game on any third generation console. Yep, I went there. Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse on the Master System checks off a LOT of “best-of” boxes.

A reader on Twitter had a line that I just adored. He said the 8-bit Castle of Illusion “is a better game, but the Genesis one was a better experience.” With twelve words, he summed up the difference between the two games better than this whole review did. While Castle of Illusion on Genesis holds its own as one of the all-time greats, it also existed to provide an enchanting experience. It didn’t have time to experiment. It didn’t have time to get too creative. It had to look spectacular in those iconic GENESIS DOES WHAT NINTENDON’T ads. Remember, Sega had no Sonic The Hedgehog yet, and they had no idea if that game would turn out good. Or, even if it turned out amazing, they had no certainty people would embrace it. Great games get ignored by the public all the time, and Sonic would need a unique marketing strategy. Mickey Mouse, though? Everyone knows Mickey Mouse. Just make sure it looks great in commercials (check) and the game is really good (check) while also getting compared to Super Mario (check) and you have yourself a killer app. That’s the difference. The Genesis version needed to be great in gameplay and amazing visually. The Master System version? It needed to flip that, or it would serve as little more than a cruel tease for those kids without the upgraded system.

The Master System version of Castle of Illusion is on the left. The Game Gear version is on the right. While there WERE some changes, it’s almost entirely superficial stuff. That won’t be true of EVERY Master System/Game Gear combo. I have to review The Lucky Dime Caper Starring Donald Duck twice because the two versions feature different level design, among other things.

Well, the end result was the best Sega Master System game I’ve ever played. Yea, more than even Wonder Boy III: The Dragon’s Trap. In fact, I don’t even think it’s close between the two. This is head and shoulders above that, and far above the SMS versions of Sonic. It’s one of the best 8-bit games ever. One of the best 2D platformers ever. I’d throw it on the “most underrated game ever” list too, but given how many people bring up the fact that it’s better than the Genesis game, I don’t think it counts as underrated. Y’all got it right this time. Easily the superior game. It’s a shame Sega had to wait four years for it. If Sega had Castle of Illusion in 1987, Nintendo v Sega might have been an actual fight much sooner. Off the top of my head, I can only think of maybe four or five NES games I like more than Castle of Illusion. The real crime is that only the Genesis game is getting celebrated with remakes and re-releases when a case could be made that Castle of Illusion on the Sega Master System was Sega’s finest hour.
Verdict: YES!

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Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse (Sega Genesis Review)

September 10, 2023 by 13 Comments

Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse
Platform: Sega Genesis
Developed by Sega
First Released: November 21, 1990
Remade in 2013
Included in the Sega Genesis Mini

As far as I can tell, Castle of Illusion is the innovator of that most graceful of gaming staples: the butt stomp. To count as a “butt stomp” it can’t just be gravity doing the work for you. It requires you to manually call for the butt stomp to occur. I’ve put way too much thought into buttocks-based gaming attacks.

Take a look at pretty much any “best of the Sega Genesis” list and Castle of Illusion is bound to show up. I’m always a bit of a skeptic when it comes to such lists, and halfway through the first level, my skepticism was blasting my senses with sirens. It’s one of the slower-paced platformers I’ve ever encountered. There’s no run button, and Mickey’s walking speed.. on a quest to rescue his main squeeze, mind you.. could best be described as “lacking in urgency.” Come on, Mickster! Put a little pep in your step, buddy! Do you want Minnie to die? I get that being with the same partner for 95 years now is probably exhausting, but can you at least pretend to care?

Yes, yes, the visuals are fantastic. I imagine this game convinced many children of the early 90s that maybe it was time to move on from their NES. Was that you? Leave a comment! I’d love to hear your story!

I remember specifically thinking “well, kudos to Sega for figuring out how to differentiate themselves from Mario, I guess.” This was the first tent-pole platformer on the Genesis, and it feels NOTHING like Mario. Realistically, every first party Sega platformer was going to be compared, fairly or not, to Nintendo’s mascot. A year later, Sonic went the other direction with speed and managed to pull off the same “nothing like Mario” feat based largely around the game’s movement and physics. It’s kind of funny that Sega’s two best and brightest “Mario Killers” feel nothing alike each-other. But, while Sonic gets all the credit these days, Mickey was first. And I wasn’t sure that charmingly deliberate pace would work.

By the time I finished that first level, I was whistling a different tune, because Castle of Illusion is pretty dang good. Not by the standards of 1990. By today’s standards. Oh yea, this passes the test of time.

Having memorable set pieces right off the bat helps. Mario games always take their time getting to the exotic stuff. Castle of Illusion starts with a forest, so you think “well, that’s mundane” but, before that level is up, you’re hopping across leaves with gigantic spiderwebs behind you, which somehow still feels fresh over thirty years later. Nice!

I quickly came to realize the slower pace was actually the product of genius game design. Let me use the worst level in the game as an example. In it, you enter a room where the exit is right there, but the door is locked. The key is several stories above you, and to reach it, you must climb a seemingly endless and somewhat repetitive series of stairs. I would normally find this type of design to be mind-numbing. But, the action kept-up the entire time. The enemies were spaced just right so that I couldn’t coast, and the path would occasionally have pathways that led to items or health refills. Then, just when it felt like I was about to run out of patience, I grab the key and.. the stairs become a giant, multi-storied slide that you run down, grabbing points along the way. It wasn’t enough to just end this sequence. Castle of Illusion, at its most risky of venturing into blandness, instead paid off the worst part of the game (which isn’t awful by any stretch) with an exhilarating reward. And it was awesome! That’s how you cross over from quality title to unforgettable legend.

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I’m a hyperactive kind of chick, and I like my platformers fast-paced. So, imagine my surprise when I discovered Castle of Illusion is basically non-stop action. Huh? Wha? How? It’s the level design. The layouts are so fine-tuned to perfection that it almost feels scientific. From leaps that have you holding your breath to enemies swooping in at the exact right moment to spring off them to a just-out-of-reach platform, Mickey’s first of several adventures with Sega never lets up. While the movement is slow, the gameplay’s tempo is as energetic as any of Mario or Sonic’s best 2D games. Just replace surreal visuals with jaw-dropping backdrops that look like pixelated oil paintings. I can’t stress enough: the set pieces carry the day here. You want to keep going in Castle of Illusion just to see what the next stage’s theme will be.

The jumping is bizarre because it SEEMS like it’s going to be floaty and annoying at first. But once again, it’s precision-engineered to be exciting and satisfying. Each platform is measured so that you brace yourself when you take-off. Yet, it does this without the dreaded “edge of the ledge” design that I always despise.

Make no mistake: this is a hop and plop type of game. While you can pick-up projectiles, I mostly used them to take out enemies that I didn’t trust my butt-crushing skills with. While the sprite for the weapon changes from stage to stage, weapons all behave the same way. You can only throw them straight ahead of you, and they’re a limited resource. I figured this would be one of those games where they’re littered all over the playfield, but actually, the later stages are pretty stingy with them. They become candles in the final stage, which set off some déjà vu, and by time I had accumulated a few, the places I would have used them were well into my rear view mirror. Thankfully, the act of using Mickey’s rear end to slay baddies never stops being satisfying.

Rotating rooms always tickle my fancy.

Castle of Illusion is a short game at only five levels long, but it also never gets a chance to become boring. However, I do wish it did more than it does. While the levels are beautiful and well laid-out, it’s a one-and-done experience. Despite the fact that there’s no timer, there’s really not a whole lot of reasons to explore the stages. I played through the game twice and only discovered two hidden rooms, and all they had was a couple diamonds (points) or maybe some health and ammo. There’s no DuckTales-like hidden treasures. There’s no alternate ending, regardless of whether or not you finish the game on hard mode or not. I can’t stress enough: I enjoyed my time with Castle of Illusion. Very much. But, I’m also not exactly running out to play the 2013 remake either. I’m much more excited to play the Genesis and Master System/Game Gear sequels.

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My only major knock against Castle of Illusion is the whole “easy mode” fiasco. If you select this, not only does the game end after three levels, but all the bosses are removed. Okay, so.. what is the point of it? I played Castle of Illusion on Normal difficulty. It wasn’t “hard” at all. It was a cinch for me, but I’ve got over a quarter century of gaming experience wired into me. Thankfully, my Disney-loving niece Sasha doesn’t. I had her play Castle of Illusion on the normal, and she died twice. That’s PERFECT for a child learning how to play video games, right? This is how you get better. You don’t get better by punishing them for selecting an option you provided. I hate it when games do that, but the fact that a MICKEY MOUSE game does that really irked me. Remember: difficulty options are an accessibility feature. Don’t use them to gatekeep. Ever.

The last boss reminded me of Dracula’s sprite from Simon’s Quest, which is VERY fitting because the fifth level feels like it’s straight out of Castlevania.

While that whole “easy mode” thing frustrates me, I’m not remotely annoyed by a game with limited replay value. I have literally thousands of other titles I can play once I finish Castle of Illusion. Few retro games are made better by modern gaming, but this is one of them, since it’s no longer an expensive investment that’s expected to hold your attention, let alone a child’s attention, for weeks. Castle of Illusion is a nearly perfect game for two hours, and when it’s done, this is one of those rare amazing games where that’s totally fine. You’ll sink an hour or two into your play session with it, and have a good time crushing enemies with Mickey’s buns of steel. You’ll shake your head at how visuals that were state of the art in 1990 could somehow still look so gorgeous so many years later. You’ll have boss fights that are surprisingly deeper than you would expect, if a bit too spongy (except the last boss, who oddly died faster than I expected). You’ll marvel at fine-tuned level design. And, when it’s over, you’ll walk away happy and content. Worth checking out in 2023? Hell, I think Castle of Illusion will hold up for centuries.
Verdict: YES!

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DuckTales (Game Boy Review)

September 9, 2023 by 2 Comments

DuckTales
Platform: Game Boy
Developed by Capcom
First Released September 21, 1990
NEVER BEEN RE-RELEASED

It’s DuckTales from the NES, only with reworked levels, no color, arthritis, and jank. So much jank.

In researching this Disney marathon I’m on, I became somewhat confused as to whether or not the Game Boy builds of Capcom’s legendary Disney-based games are straight NES ports or not. They’re not. Even if they attempt to retain the core mechanics and basic structure, they’ll still feel different and the levels won’t be designed the same as their NES counterparts. It makes more sense to drop the term “port” and call DuckTales on the Game Boy an interpretation of the NES game I just reviewed. And hey, I enjoyed the level design of one of the stages better, so it has that going for it. It’s also an unwieldy nightmare with major control issues and some spotty collision detection. And it’s slow, too. I’d never play this again without having a gun held to my head. I know DuckTales on the Game Boy is the source of warm memories for many of my older readers, but folks, this is neither a good port nor a good game.

The big moments feel less big. There’s nothing guarding Gizmo Duck’s remote control. Well, except two spikes. Hey, in this version of DuckTales, that’s a lot scarier than enemies because you have to use the pogo stick, and it gets pissy when you need it to work.

I’d never played the Game Boy version of DuckTales before. I decided to play it straight. No cheating. No maps. Come what may. Had my emulator not crashed on the fourth stage, there is a good chance I would have Game Overed at some point in either the fourth or fifth stages. So, technically I’ve played this 1.5 times. This is trying to be the NES game to a certain extent. Everything you can do on the NES you can do on the Game Boy. The iconic pogo sticking? It’s there.. or trying to be. It’s really badly done on the Game Boy and incredibly unresponsive. I brought two controllers with me on my trip. Tested both of them on this. Tested it on different emulators. Every time, the act of pogoing was much less responsive than on the NES. Unlike that version, I never was able to adapt to the Game Boy’s pogo issues. Plus, because the playfield is more cramped, you often don’t have the clearance to use it on baddies without taking damage. That would be fine if the whole point was to avoid the enemy entirely, but based on the level layout and enemy behavior, it often seems like it’s just not possible.

You will come to hate the ropes.

It’s not just the pogo stick. Movement in general is sluggish as hell. The ropes are noticeably harder to grab, as if the collision box with them is smaller. This chest here? I tried for quite a while to figure out how to fall off the rope and get to it, even trying to fall from the previous screen. I never got it. DuckTales GB is FULL of moments like that. It’s so bizarre, because they specifically altered the level layouts to accommodate the limitations of the Game Boy, so moments like this shouldn’t happen. But even with brand spanking new levels, it feels like the levels are laid out for the NES physics and responsiveness that isn’t present anymore. And by the way, they kept all the baffling quirks from the NES game. The two hidden treasures and the two extra hit-points are in the same levels they were before. Having to play the Transylvania level three times? The weak bosses? The race after being Dracula Duck? They’re all here, only they’re (mostly) worse. Bubba Duck was improved. They added a tiny little challenge to activating him and it took me a couple of attempts to get it right. So, hey, that’s not nothing.

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I don’t want to exactly say that the level layouts are “stripped down.” They’re just different, really. In fact, I think the level layout for Transylvania is superior on the Game Boy. It’s a better maze, period. Everything IN that maze is worse, but the structure of it feels much more labyrinthine. And.. yea, that’s the only real positive thing I have to say about DuckTales on the Game Boy, because everything else is like a ruined version of the original game. Name an aspect of DuckTales on the NES and it’s here and worse and really only serves to make you long for the TV version. The mine carts are back, and they killed me twice because trying to jump out of them onto the next platform just plain didn’t happen. The controls were like “we’ve received your request to hop out of the cart, and we’re taking it under advisement.”

Remember the “go to Transylvania to get the mine key?” bit from the NES game? Remember how it takes maybe 20 seconds to reach it, rendering the whole thing pointless? Yea, it takes under 10 seconds on the Game Boy. It’s in literally the first mirror one screen over from where you start on the Game Boy.

The bosses were even easier than before. They blink longer and you don’t take damage while they blink, UNTIL Dracula Duck, where I was stunned by how sloppy the whole battle was. I won, but I had to take a lot of damage myself just to score normal hits on him. It was baffling. Curiosity got the better of me and decided to rematch with him after I beat the game, and even after fifteen minutes of trying, I couldn’t damage him without taking damage myself most of the time. It’s the same boss, where you have to pogo off the bats to hit him, only you have A LOT less time because he teleports away so fast. You also have A LOT less space between you, the ceiling, and his head to hit him Also, he starts blinking to teleport away, but you can still hit him while he’s blinking, which is kind of confusing. Then, the final race between me and Glomgold wasn’t even close. He goes so slow they might as well not have bothered.

The “spring off the bad guy to not pay the toll” trick on the Amazon stage no longer works. However, there’s a hidden passage leading to a shortcut where you drop down into the boss’s chamber.

I could go on and on about little annoyances.. and I think I will. The man-eating plants at times seem like they’re impossible to leap over. There’s also too many instances of playing a treasure chest with only a single character length of clearance between it and a platform, only the golf club move can’t be activated, either. The Moon level is completely ruined, with a layout that isn’t fun to explore at all. Hell, even the base logic of hidden areas and what’s inside them are often just plain dumb. For example, the mines have an invisible passage that leads to a hidden room that contains a gem and a cake. The cake restores your full health. Oh, and where is this hidden wall at? Right behind Mrs. Beakley, the character who drops food that restores your health. Why have that cake in the hidden room instead of a second gem? It was at that point where I wondered if the words “does any of this make sense?” were even once uttered during the development of DuckTales on the Game Boy.

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I get that the Game Boy had limitations to it, so some jank should always be expected. Like, I enjoyed Link’s Awakening and Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins just fine, but they’re pretty rough games. But, they also don’t try to be copies of console games. I’ve now played probably in the ballpark of two hundred Game Boy games, and I’ve never really enjoyed any that attempt to be “the Game Boy version.” They’re never as good. I’ll never understand why developers stubbornly kept trying to do it, either. It makes more sense to do an entirely new game that plays to the strengths of the Game Boy hardware instead of trying (and usually failing) to make the same game while working around its weaknesses. This was an early Game Boy release, so I’d normally chalk this up to the development learning curve. Except this kept happening again and again for the entire record-breaking lifecycle of the handheld. And do you know who I blame? YOU, the children of the 1980s! For buying them despite them being awful. Were you THAT desperate to play a terrible version of a great game at school? Couldn’t you just go into the bathroom and smoke like any self-respecting delinquent?
Verdict: NO!

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Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers (NES Review)

September 9, 2023 by 12 Comments

Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers
Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developed by Capcom
First Released June 8, 1990
Included in The Disney Afternoon Collection

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Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers is one of the four best platformers on the NES. Yep, I went there. I rank it up there with Super Mario 2 & 3 and Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse as the holy quadrilogy of NES platforming. It’s astonishing to me that DuckTales is held in this incredible prestige when Chip & Dale is the superior game. Not a perfect game, mind you, but it’s so close that I think a ROM hacker could make the necessary changes to create what would be a genuinely flawless 2D platformer. So, what does Rescue Rangers do that puts it so far above the insanely crowded mascot platforming field on the NES?

One major thing the game gets wrong is allowing you to circumvent as many as three levels. Rescue Rangers has one of the most nonsensical maps in video game history. Hell, look at where Level E is situated. It’s so weird. Really, the reason to play it is to bank more extra lives. That would be fine if Rescue Rangers were a hard game, but it’s actually pretty easy. I could get it if Capcom had a meeting and were like “man, some of these levels suck.” But, folks, all eleven stages in Rescue Rangers are fantastic. Don’t skip any of them. All-in, you’re looking at a little over an hour to beat the whole shebang even if you play every stage, and it’s worth it.

First off, that object-throwing combat is just delightful. Like a hyperactive version of Mario 2’s vegetable-yanking-carrying-throwing mechanic, and it’s so fun. Most of the enemies take only one shot to kill with normal-sized boxes. The act of picking them up and throwing them never gets boring. Then, there’s the non-throwing boxes that never get used up, and the gigantic fruits that weigh-down your jumping but fly through every enemy. When you defeat an enemy, it makes one of the most satisfying death noises on the NES. It sounds almost like a sloppy-wet death fart. And yet, the turd in Rescue Rangers’ punch bowl is tied to these boxes. It’s this:

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Yea, this is a head-scratching game design decision. I can’t justify it. I’ve tried to figure out the logic, and the best I could come up with was they had other plans for how this whole “ducking in the boxes” thing would work and what’s left in Rescue Rangers is a game-wrecking relic of those initial plans. So, in case you didn’t know, in Rescue Rangers, Chip & Dale can duck inside every box they pick up, including the multi-use steel boxes. Your eyes poke out comically, and it’s adorable. So, it’s a stealth thing, right? Actually, no. If an enemy walks into you while you’re hiding in a box like this, it dies. Instantly. Well, assuming it’s a one-hit-point enemy, which most of the baddies are. If you’re holding a wooden box, all you lose is the box. If it’s a steel box, you can reuse it again and again as a no-effort-needed shield of death. It nerfs Rescue Rangers to such an absurd degree that I ended up having an extended discussion with my friends trying to justify it. It’s “wacky” and “cartoonish” but it also absolutely murders the tension in the game. It makes you wonder if Rescue Rangers originally had a stealth element that was removed early in development. Why would you ever have something like this in a combat-focused side scroller?

Most of the set pieces are fun. The hammer, found in one of the optional levels, is a bit janky. It feeds into my theory that Capcom wasn’t proud of ALL the levels, and thus was born the map. For the record, the rest of this level slaps.

That’s literally my only major complaint about Rescue Rangers. Oh, plenty of little ones. Ones so nit-picky that I feel bad for even bringing them up, but screw it, here we go. Enemies flying off the screen when you kill them is nice, but I wish they had “damage sprites” so that I knew they suffered. Also I might be unhinged. The bosses are even worse about this. The bosses that utilize NES trickery to look massive just vanish from the screen, and not in a satisfying “Thanos snapped them into ash” type of way but rather in a “poof, existence ended” type of way. Since the bosses only blink when you damage them, it leaves what should be historically amazing combat a little lacking in impact. And yea, the co-op isn’t all that, but since both myself and my sister’s first instinct was to murder each-other, we might not be the best judges of it.

I appreciate how out of f*cks to give Capcom was about symmetry with some of the levels. In the first battle with Fat Cat, they said “screw it: TWO spikes on the ground in a spot that’s designed to create maximum annoyance. Does it look pretty? Does it look sophisticated? No? WHO CARES because it adds challenge.”

Admittedly, all of my annoyances with Rescue Rangers are exceptionally petty. Hell, I’m expecting a lot of push-back on my “hiding in the crates could have ruined the game” argument. But, I’m also calling Rescue Rangers a top four platform game on a console defined by platforming games. Clearly I love it, so those complaints are out of a desire to see it rise above Mario and claim the throne. The roughly one hour of gameplay Rescue Rangers gives you is breathtaking. Each of the eleven levels feels completely different from each-other. They each throw in at least one novel set piece as well, so as to not simply feel like it’s the same gameplay over and over and it’s just the background facade changing. That’s harder to pull off than you think, especially with the limitations of the NES.

It goes without saying that the sprite work is gorgeous. While I think Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse is the best looking overall NES game, Capcom wins the “consistently great looking” contest, hands-down.

Modern games have it a lot easier making levels feel different. File sizes are basically unlimited, so you can easily create a new setting. Retro games? They struggle with making stages feel distinguishable from one-another. Not only are you limited by fewer buttons and actions, but there’s only so much you can do with an engine that takes up less memory than any title screen from a game today. Rescue Rangers is the rare NES game that has over ten levels that all feel completely different while retaining the core gameplay. Part of the reason for this is there’s gags unique to each stage. Exposed live wires. Faucets you turn off. Machines dropping steel balls on you. A hammer that only appears once in the entire game. Rabbits who whip a carpet at you. It’s not enough they changed the backgrounds or the enemies. They gave each stage’s design logic its own personality. That’s what sets this apart from so many other quality games.

Huge variety of enemies too. I hated these ones. There’s a spot at the end of Fat Cat’s factory (the final stage) where you’re on a conveyor and I’m absolutely convinced it’s impossible to squeeze past one of these guys without taking damage.

There’s eight bosses, because three of the stages end without one. That’s disappointing, because the bosses feel like events. They have a unique combat mechanic: there’s a red rubber ball in the boss chamber that, when thrown, ricochets back and forth in a straight line off the wall, damaging the boss if it passes through it. Sometimes, you can even score two hits in a single throw. Just think: if Fat Cat hadn’t left a ball in the room with them, he would have taken over the world. Admittedly, the bosses all feel samey. This is the one area of the game where you sort of see the sausage get made and realize that it’s just the same boss with the same collision boxes, only with tiny changes to how their projectiles behave or how the collision box moves around. However, the settings and sprites do a pretty dang good job of hiding the fact that you’re fighting slight variations of the same thing over and over. The rubber ball being unique to their chambers helps with this too. If you want an example of how many alterations you can do to one style of 8-bit platformer boss, Rescue Rangers ranks right up there with Mega Man games.

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I get why DuckTales is more revered. It’s based on a more popular, more endearing cartoon (with a much catchier theme song) and the pogo stick mechanic is probably slightly more satisfying than throwing the boxes. But, in terms of gameplay, Rescue Rangers slays DuckTales. It’s got a lot more content and never makes you replay one level three times. It’s a bigger game. It’s got better boss fights. It’s got more gags and gimmicks than DuckTales. It’s even got co-op, if you’re into that sort of thing. I wish WayForward had also remade this one. Given how they took the six ultra bland bosses of DuckTales and made them delightfully wonderful, I can’t imagine what they could do with the eight boss fights in Rescue Rangers. The fact that Rescue Rangers sits in DuckTales’ shadow leaves it feeling a bit underrated. THIS is Capcom’s one true NES masterpiece. Not Mega Man 2. Not Bionic Commando. Certainly not DuckTales. Rescue Rangers, flawed as it is, is the best 8-Bit Capcom release I’ve played. Even if they kinda hosed Monterey Jack.
Verdict: YES!

OH! OH! I have another valid complaint! The bonus round that ends every stage SUCKS! There’s eight boxes on the screen, and you have roughly enough time to pick up four or five of them. One of them has an extra life. That sounds great! Exciting! Except, the order of the items is the same all ten times you can play it. The 1up is always in the top center box. Would it REALLY have been that hard to create a randomized pattern? Oh well. YES! Next!

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Adventures in the Magic Kingdom (NES Review)

September 8, 2023 by 5 Comments

Adventures in the Magic Kingdom
Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developed by Capcom
First Released June, 1990
NEVER BEEN RE-RELEASED

The generic cowboy character was a mistake. It probably looked confusing from a marketing perspective. “Wait, which Disney character is this?” “Well, it’s not a Disney character at all. It’s YOU, a park visitor.” “What is this? The 1950s? Kids don’t walk around dressed like cowboys anymore. It’s 1990!” “I thought it was 2023?” “Don’t be a smart ass, hypothetical 1990 game consumer.” Ah crap, people, Cathy is having a running dialog with herself. Call the white coats.

Adventures in the Magic Kingdom is one of the most bizarre and creatively frustrating games I’ve ever played in my entire life. It’s based on a cross between Tokyo Disneyland and the Magic Kingdom park at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. I first played it in June of 2020, and I came to the conclusion that it was unfinished. There’s clues that more had been planned and dropped, although known prototypes of the ROM don’t seem to show it. The object of the game is to play through five Magic Kingdom attractions and collect six silver keys. Yea, I said six keys. Yes, I also said five attractions. One of the keys you get by walking around the park and answering trivia questions, which will eventually lead to you finding Pluto and having to answer TWO questions to earn one of the keys. I don’t think this was the original plan. I think there had originally been NINE attractions.

First, look at It’s a Small World.

You actually don’t physically line up with the door. You’ll always be half-a-character-length on the door and half on the bricks, so it’s impossible to physically walk through it. But, maybe it wasn’t always so.

Now look at Tom Sawyer Island.

And they could have probably reused sprites from Pirates of the Caribbean for this level.

And here’s the Jungle Cruise, which you would think would lend itself perfectly to this type of game.

This is the launch building for The Jungle Cruise, which lines up perfectly with the 1990 map of the Magic Kingdom in Florida, with Pirates of the Caribbean northwest of it.

And finally, the door to Cinderella Castle has an entry point too.

Again, it looks like it has a door, but you can’t psychically line-up with it.

Adventures of the Magic Kingdom has only two platforming levels, which are easily the highlight of the game. I have a hunch that there was originally going to be six platforming levels: Pirates of the Caribbean, the Haunted Mansion, It’s a Small World, Tom Sawyer Island, the Jungle Cruise, and Cinderella Castle. Then, either they ran out of ideas or time or budget and instead we ended up with two measly platforming sections and the bizarre hodgepodge of “events” that make up the Autopia, Space Mountain, and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. Also missing? The Matterhorn, which is exclusive to Disneyland and would have lent itself perfectly to a snow level with an Abominable Snowman for a boss. Splash Mountain was also exclusively at Disneyland at the time this game was made (fun fact: I’m exactly six days older than Splash Mountain!) Obviously, they couldn’t do Star Tours without the Star Wars license. Still, the fact that only five attractions are actually playable is stunningly lazy for this concept.

Oddly, there is only one flat ride shown: the now extinct Rocket Jets. The Disneyland version of the Rocket Jets were torn down in 1997 to be turned into a crappier version called the Astro Orbiter. When I was a little kid, I was more scared of this ride than any other at the park. It was the same as the Dumbo ride, only it was three stories off the ground. You had to wait in line FOREVER for it, and since it had no seat belts and you were so high up, it was kind of terrifying for a little kid. Especially when their sadistic father kept the rocket at its highest point. You traumatized me, pops. Today, the Astro Orbiter sits at the ground level, and the magic is gone. Now it’s just a sci-fi Dumbo. I don’t even think it moves faster.

There’s tons of stuff that’s missing. There’s NO Fantasyland attractions here. Dark rides like Peter Pan’s Flight or Snow White’s Scary Adventures are missing entirely. Iconic flat rides like Dumbo the Flying Elephant, which is probably the most famous Disney Park flat ride EVER, is missing entirely. No graphical representation on the map. Same with the Mad Tea Party. You would think they could make nifty bonus games out of them, right? But hell, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, a now-torn-down but at the time very famous ride built around a large lagoon, isn’t shown on the map. Again, it would lend itself perfectly to a level in a game like this, right? I’m very curious if this started more ambitious and a lot of content got vetoed in planning. Seriously, the great Tokuro Fujiwara couldn’t come up with a Jungle Cruise level? No way. So, what DO you do in Adventures in the Magic Kingdom?

ANSWER TRIVIA QUESTIONS

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A glorified fetch quest where you walk around the map and, when you spot an NPC, you stand in front of them and answer trivia questions. Funny enough, I thought these would be lay-ups along the lines of “what kind of animal is Goofy.” That’s an actual question in the game, by the way. It’s a kid’s game from 1990, so it’s busy work to extend the run time, right? Except, there’s also questions like “what is Donald Duck’s middle name?” Wait, Donald Duck has a middle name? “Which Winnie the Pooh character was originally named Edward?” Wait.. really? Either Winnie, Christopher Robin, or Tigger was going to be Edward? No way. “Who portrayed the younger brother in the Hardy Boys?” OH COME ON! Would a child in 1990 know that, let alone me, a grown-up in 2023? If you miss a question, it doesn’t cost you anything. You just get a different question and keep going until you get one right. I have no idea how many questions there are, but I’ve played this three times now and have seen only one repeat. So yea, some of the questions aren’t easy. It’s not as crappy as it could be, but I’d rather have a level.

THE AUTOPIA

I’m the red car.

The Autopia is a children’s ride that’s like the world’s most boring, restrictive form of go-karts. Here, it’s a stripped down version of Capcom’s Rally 2011 LED Storm (which I reviewed in Capcom Arcade Stadium 2). Don’t mistake the Autopia as a race. It’s not. It’s an action-driving sequence where you can lose a life and get dumped back to the overworld, and there’s also a time limit of 85 seconds. You can also stock-up on stars that are valuable for the other modes in the game. The whole autopia takes just over a minute and change to complete and is the easiest attraction in the game that doesn’t ask you what Disney character starred in the most shorts (Donald Duck? REALLY?) or what Mickey Mouse’s officially recognized birthday is.

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What’s really strange is you’re incentivized to NOT do the fun stuff, like the jumps, since the stars are usually placed behind the ramps instead of in front of them. There’s a point to the stars: they’re the pause menu’s form of currency. In some of the levels, you can pause the game to restore your health, freeze the action on-screen, make yourself invincible, or give yourself an extra life. For Space Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain, trust me, you’ll want to restore your health. Too bad you can’t, because there’s no pause-menu shop on those levels. Only in the two platforming stages. Hah, suck it. The Autopia is plentiful with stars, but only if you play at the least fun pace. Technically, there is a time limit, so there is the barest of urgency. But, I had to screw around A LOT to run out of time.

There’s some genuinely exciting moments, like flying off jumps across gigantic gaps.

The other cars will bump you and provide a nuisance, but as long as you stay on the track, it’s pretty hard to die. The only parts where I came close were narrow docks and one section that has a bridge that you have to wait for to reach you. Surprisingly, if you don’t deliberately skip the jumps to scoop-up the stars, the Autopia actually is pretty fun. The jumps are exciting, the course layout is well done, and it’s satisfying to bump an enemy car off the road. The biggest problem is, like the other stages, it’s all over with far too quickly. I sort of wish the formula here had been removed from this game, then expanded into its own full game. I enjoyed my time with it enough to see the potential there. Oh, and you can replay it to bank stars until the cows come home. So play it once for fun, then come back to it if you’re struggling with other stages to bank currency. I’m just kidding. You won’t be struggling. The platform levels are a cinch and this whole game can be finished in about thirty minutes. Yea, this is one of Capcom’s shortest games, and it’s not all brilliant like DuckTales was.

SPACE MOUNTAIN

Unlike Dragon’s Lair, there’s no reason to look up at the “action” since, beside the meteors/ships, there’s no visual cues of WHERE you’re going or what the correct move is besides on this tiny little viewing window.

One of the two roller coaster-based “mountains” is going to go down as the hardest stage in Adventures in the Magic Kingdom. Most people would say Space Mountain is the worst. Space Mountain is basically an FMV-style quick-time-event game. There’s a small monitor at the bottom of the screen that gives you instructions of what to press on the controller, and you have a split-second to press it. Honestly, I don’t think it’s that hard. Once I understood the rules, I completed it on my very first legit attempt in 2020, then I did so again this go around. In fact, the media I took was so bad while I played it that I restarted and played it again and beat it again. Granted, I took damage this go around, but honestly, I don’t think it’s that hard for the majority of the level. Not until you get to the “E” section does Space Mountain find its teeth and “hit” you for not reacting fast enough. Until that point, it’s actually kind of easy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever taken damage outside of the “E” zone. I guess it doesn’t stand for “easy” huh?

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The only link to the on-screen visuals are the ships and meteors. You’ll always press the B button to blow-up the spaceships, and you’ll always press A to blow up the meteors. Besides that, this is just a couple minutes of reflex-testing gameplay. There’s a few sections that have branching paths, but since there’s no real visuals to see besides which direction the stars flow, that doesn’t exactly add replay value. Is it fun? I didn’t think it would be, but you know what? I actually enjoyed this well enough because it doesn’t last very long. Also, that last “level E” section is some of the most fast-paced and exciting reflex-gameplay I’ve experienced. Better still, it actually feels like the real roller coaster’s finale. I’ve probably rode Space Mountain at Disneyland over one-hundred times (including three times with the lights turned-on in 2001. HOW LUCKY AM I?). It’s my favorite Disney thrill ride. Space Mountain’s finale in Disney Adventures in the Magic Kingdom feels very true to the real ride, with lots of unexpected twists and turns to close the experience. Besides, nobody can accuse this of wearing out its welcome. It’s done in about three minutes, and it’s exciting and challenging while it lasts.

BIG THUNDER MOUNTAIN

Look closely. Do you see the gate? I’m guessing this is one of those “CRT” things where it would have stood out easier once upon a time.

Big Thunder Mountain is a roller coaster themed like a runaway train, and also apparently the world’s funnest way to pass a kidney stone. Seriously, it’s a roller coaster. Why would this specific roller coaster be better at nudging a kidney stone through a body? I call B.S. The ride itself is a slightly overrated attraction at the park, while the game version is easily the worst event of Adventures in the Magic Kingdom. The object is to guide the train to the second station. Specifically the second one. Which one is the second one? Guess you’ll find out when you play it. It’s actually the second from the left, and in doing this review, I completely lucked into the right path by pure accident on my first attempt when I, not realizing the course was almost over, tried to go one way, missed the turn, and then pulled into the correct station anyway. This must be that “failing upwards” thing that’s all the rage these days.

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The trick to Big Thunder Mountain is using the brakes to avoid running into dead-ends (which are an instakill) or crashing through gates that are barely visible on modern monitors. There’s also the occasional boulder that crosses the tracks. I remember hating Big Thunder Mountain when I first played the game in 2020. I didn’t so much this time, but I’m still annoyed by it. For Space Mountain, while I’d still prefer a platforming section, at least what they have feels true to the ride. Big Thunder Mountain doesn’t at all. They could have easily made this an auto-scrolling platformer based around the train. Then again, they could have done the same with Space Mountain. I can’t believe the people who made this didn’t see that the platforming stages were far and away the best aspect of the game. I also refuse to believe they weren’t creative enough to come up with platforming sections for a space-based roller coaster or a runaway mine train. I could put up with Space Mountain, but Big Thunder Mountain is just a bore.

THE HAUNTED MANSION

One of the great brain farts in 8-bit history is not making the whole game play this way. Had they taken it that direction, I think Adventures in the Magic Kingdom would be remembered as one of the greats. Up there with DuckTales and Rescue Rangers, in fact.

Now this is more like it, and it’s based on my second favorite Disney ride. For two levels, and two levels only, Adventures in the Magic Kingdom is a pretty dang decent NES platformer. In terms of the mechanics, I’d go so far to say the platforming areas of this title are some of Capcom’s best NES work. Great jumping physics. Gorgeous sprite work. Decent enough combat. Nice level design, mostly. These are easily the highlights of Adventures in the Magic Kingdom. Since you can take the stages in any order, I would totally recommend someone who has no interest at all in the previous four activities to fire this game up JUST for the two platforming sections. While they’re not amazing, they also never manage to suck. For about ten minutes combined, you get solid, enjoyable Capcom-Disney platforming goodness that feel like a proof-of-concept for a game that never happened.

Okay, so the candles aren’t the GREATEST weapon, but what could be used as a projectile weapon in both a ghost house AND a village being raided by pirates, hmm? “A gun?” Touché.

Even better is that both the platform levels play differently from each-other. Haunted Mansion is the weaker of the two, with an emphasis on combat and moving platforms. You fight enemies by throwing candles at them. Ammo is “limited” and, in the Haunted Mansion specifically, collected in bundles of five. Most of the enemies are downed by a single candle. The ones that aren’t tend to be hands sticking out of coffins, but you might as well ping them to death anyway. The candles are too abundant. You can skip collecting a couple and still never really stress running out. Well, provided your aim is true. Since the controls are crisp and the movement is silky smooth, it should be.

The boss, which I think is meant to be the “ghost host” from the ride, has a swarming attack pattern. It also doesn’t so much as blink when you hit it, let alone have an “ouch, I’ve been damaged” sprite. When you defeat it, the damn thing just falls off the screen. Then the level just hard cuts to Goofy congratulating you. It’s such an unsatisfying ending to an otherwise solid level.

The Haunted Mansion’s weakness is that it’s a simple Point A to Point B affair that uses straight hallways for the maps. It’s really uninspired, especially when the ride opens the possibilities to so much more. I would have preferred a DuckTales style maze level. If any ride at Disney World would lend itself to that, it’d be the Haunted Mansion. While it does manage to fit in lots of the best set pieces of dark ride, such as the dancers, the headstones, and even the grim, grinning ghosts, the combat is lacking and the game has too heavy an emphasis on jumping off flying chairs. The biggest problem with Haunted Mansion is it never WOWed me. It’s solid, but it has no high point, if that makes sense. It’s also too short. Takes maybe four minutes to finish. Maybe. Having said that, while it never completely reaches a crescendo, this is the second best attraction in the game.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

This beat the film franchise to leaning on the undead, supernatural element by thirteen full years.

By far the best part of Adventures in the Magic Kingdom, and hey, it happens to be based on my favorite theme park ride. Pirates of the Caribbean has a little more going for it than Haunted Mansion. Like the Haunted Mansion, it’s too short. This wouldn’t be a problem if the game had more than two platforming stages. If that were the case, this would be just a damn fine level. Alas. This time, you don’t throw candles until the final third of the stage. Instead, you have to avoid the pirates while you search the stage for six buxom wenches to rescue from the scurvy scoundrels. Since the candle-based combat in the game is just alright, not focusing on it makes for a more exciting game. Instead, there’s a few barrels around the level that you can shove into some of the pirates. I enjoyed that so much that I kind of wish they’d done more of it. Later, when you do get the candle, you can light the fuse of cannons. You don’t even need to score a hit with these. When the cannonball lands, it knocks all the pirates off the screen. Okay, come on. That’s too overpowered. This might be Capcom’s easiest game on the NES.

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Both platforming levels have periods of slowdown, but Pirates has the most by a large margin. Especially in the villages, where there can be a lot of enemies in one section. Pirates of the Caribbean does have one other small issue: it leans heavily into edge-of-platform jumping. This becomes especially annoying in the treasure room, where undead pirates throw six projectiles at a time AND skeletons walk around the platforms you’re standing on. Scratching out enough clearance to be able to successfully land the jumps is a bit tough. This was the only level where I lost lives. In fact, I lost four: three from jumping, and one from timing out. I missed one of the maidens and, by the time I found her, I didn’t have enough time to make it to the pile of logs you have to light to beat the stage. Also, once again, the level is too short and leaves you wanting a lot more. But, the level design, enemies, and the objectives are more interesting than the Haunted Mansion. That’s what makes this the best part of Disney Adventures in the Magic Kingdom.

WHAT A TEASE, RIGHT?

And that’s it.

Two “real” levels. That’s what this game is. The other elements of Adventures in the Magic Kingdom, despite lasting roughly the same length as each of the platform sections do, feel more like glorified mini-games. It’s a cruel game, because it leaves you feeling like they could have added much more of the “good stuff.” And mind you, I enjoyed the Autopia and Space Mountain. Not a lot, but they weren’t a complete waste of time, and hell, the Autopia could work as its own game. Big Thunder Mountain sucks and the trivia feels like a waste of time, but really, I’m endorsing 75% of a game and walking away disappointed. When does that ever happen? Well, when a game teases you with two solid platforming stages that hint at a greater potential, and then it just ends? It’s almost painful. So yea, check out Adventures in the Magic Kingdom, and join me in saying “what the hell were they thinking?” and wiping a tear or two away at all the potential squandered.
Verdict: YES!

 

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DuckTales (NES Review)

September 7, 2023 by 12 Comments

DuckTales
Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developed by Capcom
First Released October, 1989
Remade in 2013 as DuckTales: Remastered
Included in The Disney Afternoon Collection

Either the theme song to the show is now stuck in your head, or the catchy music to the Amazon stage. Either way, you’re welcome. 🖕😶🖕 Yep, it’ll be there all week, and you can’t make it go away.

Look, I’ve already reviewed the 2013 remake by WayForward that was pretty good. It fixed a lot of the problems I had with the NES game, the chief of which is that the big finale of the game is going back.. for the third time, mind you.. to the Transylvania stage. The remake created a whole new level. In replaying DuckTales on the NES for what I imagine is the third and final time, I was reminded of how annoyed I was Capcom took the game in this direction TO END THE GAME. Hell though, it could have worked. The Transylvania stage, like all the stages, is essentially a maze where you have to find your way around and there’s all kinds of off-the-beaten-path places you can go to score extra loot, extra health, or extra lives. They could have put some kind of giant door that you couldn’t access the first time as a tease for where the finale would take place. But, no. It takes place in the same boss chamber as before. It feels kind of lazy.

The second time you go to Transylvania, it’s to find the key to the mines. At least here, they hid it somewhere different that’s the “wrong way” for the standard level. Of course, it’s also literally at the beginning of the stage. Takes about fifteen seconds to reach. I really hated this whole direction. It’s the only time the game does that too. WHY HIDE IT IN TRANSYLVANIA IF THEY KNOW THEY’RE GOING BACK TO THAT LEVEL IN THE FINALE? It’s so frustrating.

That one not-that-minor complaint aside, there’s no question why DuckTales has reached legendary status among the NES library. It’s the rare high-quality licensed game on the platform. It looks fantastic. It has one of the best soundtracks on the NES. Oh, it’s got a lot of head scratching ideas. Like why would you ever have Launchpad take you out of the stage? Yea, I know there’s a secret ending for banking $10,000,000, but if they tacked that on just to justify Launchpad, they didn’t have to. Launchpad is used just fine on the Amazon level to help Scrooge clear a jump.

In my entire 2023 run in DuckTales, I never had any issue with the pogo stick EXCEPT on this specific section, grabbing the Moon’s hidden treasure. For whatever reason, the damn pogo stick wouldn’t stay on as I navigated the spikes. The weird thing is, I’m almost certain I had the same problem in the same spot the first couple times I played Duck Tales on the NES.

So, why is this a legendary game? I think most players would say “the pogo stick.” Yea, it’s pretty brilliant, but I’ll take it a step further and say the cane in general just works great as a weapon. First, yes, the pogo stick jumping is awesome, but why is it awesome? Because it renders traditional head-stomping gameplay into a more immersive experience. You’re not just letting your weight and the forces of gravity do the killing for you. Oh, no. You have to perform an additional input to make it work, or you take damage. You’re activating the pogo, meaning you’re performing the action of killing enemies directly, by your own hands, and that’s just more fun! But, you can also golf-club rocks, stones, and various other blocks at the enemies, and it’s always satisfying to do so. Especially when they placed enemies out of reach, and there’s the right shaped rock to kill them just sitting so helpfully right there. DuckTales has truly wonderful, cartoonish combat. It’s why I hate how the bosses only blink instead of having injury animations.

Finding the hidden treasures OR the two extra life points adds to the thrill. I wish the game hid even more hidden trinkets or consequential secrets in it. There’s tons of hidden rooms that see Scrooge walk up into the status bar to find, but they usually only have a couple gems, or maybe a 1up. EVERY stage should have had at least one hidden treasure. Putting only two in the game is a little frustrating, because it renders them kind of arbitrary.

However, I disagree with the combat sealing it for DuckTales. I think it’s the level design that punched its ticket to Cooperstown. I think you have five spectacularly designed stages that are such a joy to explore. Inventive. Lots of exciting moments, like pogo-sticking over enemies to clear gaps, or having to rapidly pogo stick to avoid a giant ball, Raiders of the Lost Ark-style. Combine that with nice enemy placement and tons of hidden stuff. I hate to keep picking on Transylvania but it’s clearly the weakest link of the bunch. Once you know where to go, you have little incentive to explore further. That’s not true of the other stages. If I have to get further nit-picky, I kind of wish the levels incentivized exploration to a larger degree. Not just bumping up the amount of hidden treasures, but maybe lock the boss door in every stage behind keys that you have to find throughout the level. If another DuckTales game ever happens, I hope they make it like this one, only with a LOT more hidden stuff.

They vastly improved the boss fights for the remake too. Look, I had a great time with the NES version, but the 2013 remake is just plain better. Sorry to my cantankerous older readers, but it’s true. Better in every single way except the annoying dialog.

The worst part of the NES game is the bosses. They’re too easy, frankly, and they’re all kind of teeny-tiny. I get it. That’s what the NES could do. But, again, Remastered fixed them all. They all feel like epic-prolonged boss encounters that stay true to the spirit of the original battle. On the NES, they often don’t even last half-a-minute. Remastered also fixed any issues you might have with the pogo stick, which I adjusted to anyway. It fixed the finale being a retread of stuff you’ve already done. It added two extra levels and a couple other bosses, like an awesome airplane duel with Flintheart Glomgold. If it seems like I’m a little fixated on the more recent version, don’t worry, I have a point to all this: the original is still fun. That speaks volumes to me. That the same game could be done better decades later, yet the original is still a damn good game that holds up to the test of time. My nephew, who is a fan of the 2017 cartoon reboot, is exactly one day older than the remake. He had never heard of either DuckTales game. So, I tested it on him, and he LOVED it. A game that came out the year I was born. And when I told him an even better version of the game existed, he looked at me awestruck. “They made this game EVEN BETTER?” As if he couldn’t believe that was even possible. I can’t think of a better endorsement!
Verdict: YES!

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Mickey Mouse/The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle (Game Boy Review)

September 7, 2023 by 4 Comments

Mickey Mouse
aka The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle
Platform: Game Boy
Developed by Kemco
First Released September 5, 1989
Re-Released in 1997 in Bugs Bunny Collection (Japan Only)
NO MODERN RE-RELEASE

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Thankfully, unlike the Famicom/NES review, I don’t have to consider the North American and Japanese versions of Mickey Mouse/Bugs Bunny to be separate. This time, they play identical, which means I only have to play it once! However, I’ll note that, no matter which emulator I used, the Super Game Boy version found in Bugs Bunny Collection was noticeably more sluggish and I don’t recommend trying it even if it’s an option. As for the original builds, pick your poison: Bugs Bunny or Mickey Mouse. I went with Mickey Mouse, who is 1 for 1 so far in my Disney adventures. Oh, and something I didn’t mention in my Mickey Mousecapades review: when you open-up the cart for the game, there’s a Hidden Mickey on the circuit board. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT?

The Game Boy version leans heavier on massive door mazes that were relatively rare on the NES port. My theory is because it looks better on the colorless Game Boy screen.

So, why give this a separate review? Because, while the enemies carry over and there are some levels that feel similar to the Famicom/NES counterpart, Crazy Castle/Mickey Mouse is much different on the Game Boy. The level count is increased from 60 to 80, and allegedly all the levels are different from the NES one. Some seem similar, notably one that has a series of left-to-right staircases, but even this is slightly modified. Oddly enough, despite having twenty more stages, I actually completed the Game Boy version in roughly the same amount of time I did the NES version: about two hours and change. Curious, right? If you take the original game’s formula and add 33% more levels, you would expect to add another thirty to forty minutes of playtime. Yet, somehow I finished in roughly the same time. That hammers home how different Crazy Castle is on the Game Boy.

And, mind you, I died A LOT more on the Game Boy, too. Things are getting weird, folks.

I wondered if maybe the levels were physically smaller, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. The speed is certainly a big part of the reason. It wasn’t rare for me to fly through stages in thirty seconds or less, even late in the game. While the Game Boy Crazy Castle has similar grid based movement from the NES port, where you travel further than perhaps you’d like to just by taking a single step forward, the whole game plays much faster. Or, at least, you seem to move faster. This does factor into the gameplay, too, as enemies take the stairs slowly, while you take them very quickly. I commonly died by trying to scoot past them when I thought I had enough clearance. In fact, most of my fatalities were just the result of bad judgment of how many paces a single tap of the D-pad would take me. The issue of walking over the edge while taking stairs was even worse on the Game Boy. And, thanks to the smaller screen, the issue of having to start each stage blindly not knowing where the hearts are, or even what enemies are present, is worse.

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Yet, I sort of liked the level design better in the Game Boy version. Whether you call it Mickey Mouse or Crazy Castle, the game is much more claustrophobic this time around than it was on the NES, which makes it more exciting and intense. The close-calls are much more plentiful and work with the faster pace instead of against it. Even the lack of color doesn’t hurt at all, and I figured it would! See the pictures above? The darker shaded Big Bad Wolf is the one who can use the stairs. The lighter one can’t. Easy peasy. There’s also a bizarre special feature where you can watch replays of the stages you just beat, though I’m not sure what the point of that is. For the memory they used with that, they could have probably bumped this up to 100 levels or more. I think it speaks volumes that I’ve finished 140 levels of Crazy Castle in the last two days and the only reason I stopped is because I ran out of levels. Thankfully, I have three more of these to go. And one better known as Kid Klown. That one probably won’t be as fun.
Verdict: YES!

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Roger Rabbit/The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle (Famicom Disk System/NES Review)

September 6, 2023 by 6 Comments

Roger Rabbit
aka The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle
Platform: Famicom Disk System
Developed by Kemco
First Released February 16, 1989
NEVER BEEN RE-RELEASED

Two straight Kemco games. Total coincidence, as I’m going in chronological order.

There’s going to be a LOT of games in the “Crazy Castle” series reviewed here over the coming days, folks. Like, there’s five more to go after this. This is the first of the franchise, released in the US with Bugs Bunny instead of Roger Rabbit because LJN owned the Roger Rabbit license in the United States. I think LJN would have been better off licensing this game, but that probably wasn’t an option. Kemco wanted to establish themselves as a player in the US market. Their North American NES lineup up to this point consisted of three games, two of which were mediocre: a port of PC mainstay Spy vs. Spy, along with the Superman NES game that’s among the worst games ever made. A third game, Desert Commander, was critically well-received but wasn’t exactly an on-trend genre. The port of graphic adventure Shadowgate would release a month after Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle came out in the US, but let’s face it: this was Kemco’s best game up to this point, and they knew it. If they were going to break through in the US, this was going to be the one that did it.

The controls are so stiff that it feels like rigor mortis has settled-in.

And I really like Roger Rabbit. It’s like an easier but more fun and exciting version of Lode Runner. You have to navigate a 2D maze and collect hearts (or carrots if you’re Bugs Bunny) while avoiding a variety of enemies. What makes the game work is the enemies have fixed-behavior and attack patterns similar to the ghosts in Pac-Man. While all but one of them will give chase to you if they end up on the same floor as you, the penguin (Daffy Duck) never uses the doors, stairs, or pipes and will keep walking until he hits a wall, then reverses direction. Judge Doom (Wile E. Coyote) and the bouncer gorilla (Yosemite Sam) also skips the doors/stairs/pipes, but they’ll directly chase you. The pink weasel (Sylvester) will walk in a straight line until they reach a stair, door, or pipe, and they’ll ALWAYS take it, though they can only move upwards, never down (except via falling off a ledge). He’ll also stop moving if he reaches a wall and you’re not moving. The blue weasel (Sylvester again) repeats the “only can go up” part, but he’ll directly chase you, like Judge Doom. Finally, the green weasel (yep, Sylvester) is a wildcard because he can’t be manipulated into following you.

If not for the controls, I think I’d rank this very high on the list of NES games I’ve played. But, man, those controls.. oof. Pretty awful.

To defend yourself, there’s a variety of cartoonish gags. There’s safes, anvils, and boxes that you can drop on enemies from higher ledges. There’s a boxing glove that acts as a projectile, and finally invisible ink, which is functionally a star in a Mario game and grants you invincibility. The combat is satisfying, but it’s the level design that carries the day. There’s sixty stages and it just never gets boring, especially when the game throws in pipe mazes or hazards like the skulls that you can’t walk into. Besides the controls, my biggest problem with Roger Rabbit is the difficulty scaling is non-existent. Hard levels will immediately be followed by several that are cakewalks. But, even cinchy stages will display some truly imaginative designs. Even ones that feel “gimmicky” for lack of a better term are a delight to explore, and grabbing that last heart always put a smile on my face.

When you think they’ve stretched the game to its creative limits, it keeps pulling out the surprises, like having entirely vertically-stacked levels. I loved Roger Rabbit. Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle? Well..

Oh, it gets frustrating. The controls are so sluggish. The game has some of the largest spaces for grid-based movement I’ve seen. This is especially frustrating when judging whether or not you’re about to walk off the edge of a platform. While it’s not fatal.. unless an enemy is below you.. you might have to redo a lot of progress if you accidentally walk too far. I also didn’t love how the scrolling was handled. While this is a close cousin to Lode Runner, one thing I like about that game is you are shown the whole level before the action starts. That’s not the case here, and a lot of the time, you have to move around blindly, not sure of where the hearts are. Oh, and sometimes the enemies feel like they’re just plain puppy-guarding areas. It’s why I was conservative with my boxing gloves, since they can only be fired a single time. Despite all the problems, Roger Rabbit is one of the most underrated games on the Famicom Disk System. I couldn’t understand why the NES version wasn’t a major hit.

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Then, I played Crazy Castle, and wow. Yea, good lord, I understand now. Besides the graphics, there is one major noticeable difference between Roger Rabbit and Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle that makes all the difference in the world. The US version has much slower enemies than the FDS original. I have no idea why Kemco made this adjustment, since it’s not like Roger Rabbit was impossibly difficult.. or difficult at all, really. Since you get a 1up after every stage AND there’s passwords that make continuing a cinch, there really was no benefit to universally nerfing the enemies like they did. I thought maybe they would speed up as you went along, but that’s not the case either. It’s completely nonsensical.

Nerfing the enemies for the US market is insane. Some games, the changes make sense. This time around, they nerfed enemies in a game that had already leaned slightly on the easy side of the puzzle genre. It’s baffling, folks. I have no answer for you, but I think the decision cost the game dearly.

The slowing down of the enemies removes the majority of the excitement from the game. The tension just isn’t there anymore. Scratching out a comfortable distance between YOU and THEM is fish in a barrel. Also, this move introduces new problems. Since Bugs still moves at the same speed and the enemies still have the same movement logic, the now arthritic Looney Tunes tend to cluster-up more, which makes the puppy-guarding situation worse. “Wait, wouldn’t that add to the difficulty?” Not really, because you can still “tempt” them away from the area, which is how I dealt with the problem if I didn’t have a boxing glove. Only now, there’s no tension in doing so. You know you’re going to outrun them. If anything, it forces you to play the game at a much, much slower pace.

I’m going to guess the odds on Roger Rabbit ever being re-released again are roughly the same as me spontaneously developing super powers. So, Kemco, if you’re listening: on the off-off-off chance you get the rights to re-release Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle ever again, PLEASE restore the original enemy speed. Don’t be stupid. Again, I mean.

It’s unfathomable. The same game with the same levels, the same combat, and the same enemies is significantly less fun because of that one brainless change that never stood to benefit anyone. I suspect we might soon see a Crazy Castle compilation with the full series released. What IP that collection will utilize I’m not entirely sure of, but I do know that the version that came out on the Famicom Disk System is one of the best 8-bit puzzlers on a Nintendo platform. The NES version was reduced to “oh yea, I remember that game” status when it should be held up as legendary. It’s a design choice so damaging it should be taught in design school.
Verdict: YES! to Roger Rabbit, NO! to Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle

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Donald Duck/Snoopy’s Silly Sports Spectacular (Famicom/NES Review)

September 6, 2023 by 2 Comments

Snoopy's_Silly_Sports_Spectacular_CoverDonald Duck
aka Snoopy’s Silly Sports Spectacular
Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developed by Kemco
First Released September 22, 1988
NEVER BEEN RE-RELEASED

The one and only time I defeated Daisy in the sack race and it wasn’t in the “compete in all events” thing. Damnit.

Donald Duck is, on the down low, a Famicom port of the Commodore 64/ZX Spectrum satire of Epyx’s “Games” series called Alternative World Games. Instead of legit Olympic events, you sack race, throw a boot (WTF?), use a pogo stick to jump over walls, balance a stack of pizzas, shove Daisy Duck off a boat (SERIOUSLY THE HELL?) or pole vault yourself over a river (Jackass: The Movie were obviously big fans of this). You can play each game individually OR you can play a full cycle of the games. I’m not remotely a fan of Epyx’s franchise, so I was dreading this going into it. My fear was founded, because like those California Games or Winter Games or Summer Games releases, the issue is THE GAMES AREN’T FUN! Which is, you know.. the object.

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For the sack race, the brutal AI makes the game borderline unplayable. The computer opponent just doesn’t seem to make mistakes. There was ONE exception in the sack race where Daisy and I kept colliding at the start of the race. Once we did, she never recovered AND kept making mistakes. I tried to replicate this, but that was the one and only time she didn’t perfectly fly out of the gates and get a major lead on me. I’ll never understand how developers back in the day couldn’t figure out that impossibly perfect AI isn’t fun. Meanwhile, in the sumo wrestling-like boat game where you have to shove her into the water, as long as I kept centering myself in the middle of the boat (you can move up and down) I couldn’t lose. It was too easy. There’s no difficulty settings, mind you. The other games barely qualify as mini-games. The boot-throwing game literally only requires you to press DOWN three or four times to build up momentum and then press A at the right moment to hurl the boot as far as you can. I was able to consistently get 10M (30ft in the US version), which seems to be the max score. I know it was a different era, but it stinks of something thrown together in a day as a +1 to the event count.

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The pizza game is perhaps the most boring idea for a video game ever made. You have to inch your way just past the starting screen to a finish line while balancing a stack of pizzas. If you move too fast, the top of the stack will topple over, but you can keep going. In fact, as far as I can tell, you literally cannot drop the bottom of the stack, so unless you just don’t cross the finish line, you can’t lose this one. But, if you want to keep your whole stack, you have to literally heel-toe your way across the damn screen. And, go figure, this was the only game that got my blood pumping, but only because I barely beat the timer with a full stack. When I finally made it across the finish line with the entire stack of pizza, with only 1.3 seconds to go, I literally cheered. Then I did it again on the Snoopy version and had over 25 seconds left because I now understood the timing and rhythm for the movement, rendering it too easy. So much more excitement.

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As far as I could tell, Snoopy’s Silly Sports Spectacular!, the NES version of Donald Duck, is the same game with altered graphics. HOWEVER, it’s worth noting that I beat Spike (Snoopy’s cousin and the replacement for Daisy) on my second attempt and it was the only time I successfully completed the river jumping (pole vaulting) event, where you mash A to build up speed, then press and hold B to plant your pole in the water. You have to let go at the exact right moment, and that right moment is very fickle. I spent a solid fifteen minutes on the Famicom version and never once completed it. I finally did complete it on the Snoopy version, and was stunned to discover that was the whole event in its entirety. It didn’t want me to do it a second time. THAT ONE JUMP was it. Lastly, the pogo stick event lasted maybe fifteen seconds and is like hurdles.. on a pogo stick. Again, it’s just a matter of timing your jumps and it’s not fun at all. When the best of six games is literally “move as fast as you can in a slow way” (or is it the other way around?) it makes you wonder if the whole “satire against Epyx” was worth it. While I concede that I enjoyed Donald Duck/Snoopy’s Silly Sports Spectacular! more than Epyx’s franchise, I’m not a fan of 8-bit mini game collections. To Donald Duck’s credit, it feels like it was made for little kids of the 1980s, and that’s fine. But, I think little kids of the 2020s would be as bored as I was.
Verdict: NO!

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Mickey Mousecapade (NES/Famicom Review)

September 6, 2023 by 5 Comments

Mickey MouseMickey Mousecapade
aka Mickey Mouse: Adventures in Wonderland
Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System
Developed by Hudson Soft
First Released March 6, 1987
NEVER BEEN RE-RELEASED

Say CHEESE! While Minnie follows Mickey, there’s this weird delay to it. Also, she doesn’t take damage. At all. You can use these two quirks to your advantage if you can separate Minnie from Mickey. Here, she’s killing the first boss while Mickey has a break below her. Hazel the Witch’s bullets pass right through her, and they don’t go down to where Mickey is. Once again, leave it to women to do all the work.

In Japan, Mickey Mousecapade sends Mickey and Minnie on a journey to rescue Alice from the 1951 Disney animated film Alice in Wonderland. Well, except for level four, where Captain Hook shows up for no reason. While saving Alice is still the ultimate goal of the US port of Mickey Mousecapade, all other references to Alice and Wonderland, along with Captain Hook (always the real victim) have been removed. Why would they do that? I have a theory.. that it’s a demon. A dancing demon. No, something isn’t right there. Sorry. My theory is that the NES was marketed to boys and Alice in Wonderland is a “girl’s movie” and Capcom didn’t want boys of the 80s to think they’d get cooties playing on their beloved Nintendo Entertainment Systems. That’s it. It’s cynical, and I hate cynicism, but I think that’s the reason.

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In this platformer, you have to make your way to a boss fight in each of the five stages, all of which feel relatively different from each-other. The first and last stages play out a little like a maze, where you have to first fetch a key before you’re able to finish a level. In the first stage, you also have to locate the projectiles that you use for combat. There’s two chests in the stage, one at the beginning and one near the end, that contain stars. If you get both, Minnie will be able to cheese two of the five bosses for you, since she can’t take damage. One annoyance with Mickey Mousecapade is that enemies tend to be spongy, taking many shots to wipe out. But, this is tempered by Minnie being invulnerable. Separate her from Mickey and the combat is literally free shots. The second stage is a traditional scroll-right platformer with tons of pits. While the jumping is satisfactory, you also have to jump for two characters who aren’t in sync. If Minnie falls in a pit, you both die. Mickey presumably has a broken heart, making this gaming’s most adorable death. Of course, you won’t find it adorable. If you’re anything like me, you’ll be telling Mickey to dump the bitch.

I’m dead here. By the way, this is the Japanese version, and I think it’s harder for reasons I’ll get into.

Level three is one of those abstract “pick the right path” mazes set in a forest. The seasons change, and the trick is there’s two hidden doors that you have to shoot your projectiles at to reveal. Mickey Mousecapade is FULL of these invisible goodies, though in levels 1 and 5, they could be whammies that steal Minnie from you, forcing you to find a way to rescue her before you can finish the stage. Level four is a pirate ship that’s only an embarrassing four single-screens big. Well, they sure phoned that one in. The final level is done in the style of the first stage, but it seems designed to make it harder to keep Mickey & Minnie in sync with each other. You can’t leave any room unless you BOTH leave it, and it becomes frustrating.

They’re just not seeing eye-to-eye.

Since Mickey Mousecapade can be beaten in under an hour, and I’m a compulsive moron, I played through both versions. The graphics aren’t the only difference. You start the Japanese version with a lot less life, for one thing. That’s the only 100% certain change about the difficulty, but having played through both, it sure seemed like Minnie follows you much less closely in the Famicom version. I cruised through the second level on the NES port, but in the Japanese one, Minnie simply wasn’t hitting her jumps with me. Then, in the final level, while the NES version had annoying moments, I especially struggled with getting Minnie to be able to navigate the platforms with me on the Famicom. She’s the OG Yorda from Ico in that she just plain doesn’t follow your directions. I’m open to the possibility I’m imagining this, but it seems like the NES version might have slightly adjusted the delay between your input and Minnie doing something.

The pirate ship being a whopping FOUR SCREENS is shamefully lazy. Seriously, FOUR SCREENS? Given the fact that the fourth boss is also in the final stage, why even bother with it, especially since Captain Hook has NOTHING to do with Alice in Wonderland. If the four screens was a file size issue, dump the stage and add four more screens to one of the other levels.

In general, Mickey Mousecapade is slightly harder than I expected it to be. It’s not just the spongy enemies, but there’s lots of cheap enemy design. Meanwhile, bosses, and even mini-bosses, degenerate into fire fights where you both spam projectiles at each-other until one of you drops dead. The final level repeats the Peg Leg Pete battle from the fourth level before you face off against the big bad, which is Maleficent in the US or the Queen of Hearts in Japan. I think both versions are a bit on the janky side, and I can’t stress enough how insanely the bosses spam projectiles. Of course, having three out of five bosses be cheesable to some degree takes the edge off that.

If you find a fairy on the literal final door to the final boss, you can one shot the last boss with invincibility. Whose stupid idea was it to hide a fairy there?

But, overall, Mickey Mousecapade isn’t a bad little game. Most of Hudson Soft’s output from this era didn’t age very well. Mickey Mousecapade aged better than most, and I think the level design plays a big part in that. Sure, I was very annoyed about the pirate ship. Hell, pirate-themed levels are one of my favorite gaming tropes. But, the first, third, and fifth stages are really well done. The first and fifth especially, where I wish the whole game had been done in their style. And hey, while the combat is spongy, it’s also satisfying enough. I walked away from Mickey Mousecapade having beaten it twice in a two hour span and I never got bored. I actually wish they’d do a sequel all these years later that focused on the maze aspect, and had more creative boss design. Still, not bad for a game creeping-up on forty years of age.
Verdict: YES!

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