Orbitron: Revolution

Orbitron: Revolution received a brief Second Chance with the Chick.  Click here to read it.  Consider this to be the definitive review. 

Damn.  This is one pretty game.  To say Orbitron: Revolution has the most polished 3D graphics of any Xbox Live Indie Game is an understatement.  It actually demolishes my argument that even the best looking XBLIG would still pale in comparison to 90% of the games on the market.  It really looks like an Xbox Live Arcade Game.  As a gamer who has always told people to focus on gameplay and not aesthetics, it’s sure made a hypocrite out of me.

But enough about the graphics.  Even if they are beautiful and shiny, like getting your eyeballs gently massaged by the loving touch of a Heaven-sent angel on a mission to NO!  Gameplay!  Focus, Kairi!

Funny enough, Orbitron: Revolution is pretty much just Defender.  You know, that antiquated space shooter from 1980.  The one they tried to remake in 2002 and failed miserably at.  Orbitron isn’t really about defending anything, but it’s still got that Defender vibe to it.  As a ship, you scroll left or right, shooting at various enemies.  When you kill one wave, another spawns.  This continues until three minutes have expired, at which point the game is over and your score is uploaded to the online leaderboards.

Graphics whores might want to have a box of tissues nearby when they play Orbitron. Things, ahem, might get sticky.

So is it fun?  Yes.  Yes it is.  It’s also got a potential for addiction that would impress your average drug dealer.  I told myself I would just play a couple of rounds to get a feel for it, then move on.  A couple of rounds became dozens, and soon I was obsessed with landing a spot on the top 20 of the leaderboard.  The closest I came was 21st.  Yea, shameful for sure.  But I do have an excuse: the game is far from perfect.

The tragic irony is that those beautiful graphics are likely the biggest problem.  Often times, I just couldn’t see the damn enemies because of Orbitron’s over-reliance on bloom effects.  I would have to rely on the radar that’s under the play field, but it’s not exactly situated for lining up your shot correctly.  Other times, the enemies seemed to blend in a little too well with the background.  So although I was left gobsmacked by the graphics, I feel that a static black background would have made the game more playable.  It also would have allowed the game to come in under 50MB and thus cost the $1 that the amount of gameplay present justifies.  Really, 240MSP for what is pretty much a three-minute-long minigame is borderline extortion.

Yea, there’s a couple other modes.  Ring Defense or whatever the hell it’s called, the second mode, is still the same as the first one.  The only difference is you can get the time extended by blowing up various targets before the entire station blows up.  If you can stay alive for five minutes in it, you get a third mode.  I never actually unlocked it, because I found the Ring mode to be boring compared to the very intense timed mode.

The overuse of bright lights notwithstanding, there are a few other issues that kept pissing me off about Orbitron.  Randomness seemed to factor in a lot more than any skills I acquired.  If I got a “good spawn” from the enemies, I was bound to rake up points from the larger combos.  But the combo system seemed a bit clunky as well.  Sometimes it seemed like it only took a millisecond for the combo to expire and reset, while other times the cushion seemed more forgiving.  Perhaps it was just my perception, but it didn’t always seem consistent.  And finally, there are moments where you clear out an entire wave, only to see that there is one missile left that you didn’t tag.  It’s faster than your ship and on the other side of the fucking map.  Yea, it’s probably my fault for not blowing it up when I had the chance, but it chaffed my ass and I figured I should bring it up.

Despite all my complaints and my feeling that it’s slightly overpriced, Orbitron: Revolution is a really good video game.  It does for Defender what Pac-Man Championship Edition did for Pac-Man.  It takes a cherished yet somewhat passé game and makes it relevant in our modern gaming culture.  And it does it with style and elegance.  I almost wonder if the guys at Firebase could have shopped this around and got it the official Defender license.  It also makes me wonder what other games they could revitalize.  Perhaps Robotron: 2084 will be next on the agenda.  I’m pretty sure there haven’t been any Twin Stick Shooters on XBLIG.

Orbitron: Revolution was developed by Firebase Industries

240 Microsoft Points took my love, took my land, took me where I could not stand, but I don’t care, I’m still free, you can’t take the sky from me in the making of this review.

Reminder: I’m giving away two copies of Escape Goat on Monday and two copies of Cute Things Dying Violently on Wednesday. 

Thank you everyone for your well wishes while I recover from my recent setbacks.  Hopefully regular reviews are returned now.

Tales From the Dev Side: Standing Out by Alex Jordan

Alex Jordan is celebrating his 28th birthday today.  Now that I’ve opened up Indie Gamer Chick to developers to sound off on whatever is on their mind with the Xbox Live Indie Game community, Alex had to take me up on it.  I admit, my advice to developers is not always helpful.  I usually just say “don’t let your game suck” and “make sure you name it something that sticks out in a Google search.”

Alex is going to take it a step further.  His game Cute Things Dying Violently was the best-selling title of the 2011 Indie Game Summer Uprising.  With a name like that, it only had two options: XBLIG or Disney movie.  His naming strategy worked, and Cute Things Dying Violently was the top-selling game of what was the biggest promotional event in Xbox Live Indie Game history.  Of course, the largest revenue went to Train Frontier Express, which is mud in the eye of myself and Ian over the whole pricing thing.  Either way, Alex has some helpful tips for your game to stand out. 

Like Ian Stocker did with Escape Goat, Alex has also generously put up two copies of Cute Things Dying Violently that you can win by either retweeting this editorial or by following him on Twitter.  Winners will be drawn on Wednesday, December 21.  (I know it originally said December 14.  That was an error on my part.  Hopefully everyone is willing to cut me a little slack given the circumstances.  These Tales from the Dev Side contests should run a week after the editorial is published.)

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Tales from the Dev Side: Magic Seal Pelts by Ian Stocker

Right before a combination of epilepsy, gravity, and IKEA conspired to destroy my brain, I had touched off a debate on Xbox Live Indie Game pricing.  It began with my review on Pingvinas and continued on with my editorial on pricing.  This resulted in my biggest day for traffic ever, and some very awesome point and counter-point discussions in the comments section of those posts.  Pretty damn civil ones too.  I’m so proud of you guys.

Well, now Mr. Ian Stocker, the creator of Escape Goat, wants to weigh in.  At first, Ian was supposed to offer a counter point to my theory on pricing.  Then he changed his mind and sided with me.  Sigh.  Imagine if that happened all the time.  If two guys were debating for the Presidency and all of a sudden one guy said “wow, shit, that other guy is totally right.  Hey everyone, did you hear that?  I totally agree with him.  You should vote for him!” 

Well either way, Ian’s article was both insightful and entertaining and the perfect way to kick off Tales from the Dev Side.  Plus, we’re giving away two copies of Escape Goat.  Read below for details.

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I’ll be back.

Sorry for the lack of updates over the last few days.  As many of you are aware, I suffer from epilepsy.  Most of the time, I have my condition under control.  I usually have a degree of awareness when I’m about to have a seizure.  But, sometimes they happen with no warning and it’s not always at the most opportune of times.  On Saturday afternoon, while I was walking across my living room, I suffered a seizure and collapsed.  Although I don’t know exactly what happened, it’s believed I struck my head on the leg of a table.

Although I haven’t yet been released from the hospital, I’m expected to make a full recovery.  I admit that I’m quickly losing patience here, but the doctors and nurses are being totally awesome and doing a wonderful job with me.  And, they’re letting me have my Xbox!  So I might be able to try reviewing games soon.  There’s a chance that the reviews might end up being shorter than normal, so I’m making requests that my readers or the community give me some ideas of Xbox Live Indie Games that are short in length, taking well under an hour to complete.  Alternatively, I might review some stuff for iPhone, Android, Nintendo 3DS, and PSP until I’m released, depending on how difficult it is to play my Xbox here.

I expect to start doing some new game reviews soon.  Until then, there are going to be one or two guest columns, starting in just a few minutes when I post a guest article by Ian Stocker, the creator of Escape Goat.  To all those developers that have asked, yes, I want your columns.  In fact, I kind of need them for a few days.  It would be awesome.  Just hit me up on Twitter and we can discuss it.

I want to thank everybody who has been offering their well wishes and prayers over the last few days.  Someone up there must have heard you, because I’m expected to fully recover from this.  Since the moment I started Indie Gamer Chick, I was accepted by the community you guys have made.  It’s been touch and go at times, and I know not everyone likes me a whole lot, but the vast majority of you have gone out of your way to not only offer your support, but to treat me like a rock star.  Thank you for that.  I love you all, the Xbox Live Indie Game community, and I hope I’m back on the beat soon.

-Catherine “Kairi Vice”

The Indie Gamer Chick

PS: I can still tell whether a game sucks or not so don’t think I’m going to go soft because of this.  Offer you suggestions for shorter XBLIGs in the comments.

UPDATE: Not even a full hour after I posted this, they let me come home, provided that I carefully follow the doctor’s instructions and take it extremely easy.  Yea!  I’m home!

Let Us Talk Pricing, Shall We?

I was going to do this as a reply to a comment in my Pingvinas review, but it’s actually become a bit of a hot button issue on the scene.  So I figured I would talk about it.  I recieved the following comment from the developers of a game that will be reviewed shortly here, 3D-struction.  This is in response to my comments about pricing from the Pingvinas review.  Here is their comment, which I’ve cleaned up.

I don’t know if I agree with your comments on pricing. I read this a long time ago and it forever changed my views of selling software.

In my own experience, I charged the max of 400msp for a text-based drinking game, and it sold disgustingly well. Then I made a cute twin-stick shooter with 30 player online and charged just a buck.  I don’t think a total of 30 people bought it.

In the end each dev must do what’s right for them. Do I want maximum exposure, or to focus on my best fans? Is the price meant to be perceived as an insignificant barrier to more fun, or a cost paid to own a quality product? Do you want to fight to get your New Release into another list ASAP, or will you focus on marketing outside of the built-in XBLIG channels?

I think if more developers took real risks, stopped fighting for top downloads and top rated, and instead focused on building an indie community that exists within and outside of Xbox, everyone would profit – and we’d stop seeing as many zombie-anime massage-gallery “games” meant only to follow a fickle zeitgeist.

And to that end, IndieGamerChick is a beacon of hope. I just hope you don’t continue the fallacy that just because a similar, free game exists, a developer who put possibly 1000 hours of work into something doesn’t deserve to charge the same as a small Starbucks latte. And that $3 (or $5) is for a product that could have real, lasting value.

We’re in firm agreement about developers putting too much stock into their numbers and not enough on pushing their games.  I haven’t seen too much “outside the box” marketing from this community and that really surprises me.

I do respectfully disagree about price points though.  Ian Stocker, the developer of Escape Goat, is going to be addressing this issue right here at IndieGamerChick soon and he’s not taking my side of the argument.  I’m opening up my site to developers to post freely (yes, freely, as in you can even slam me and my reviews) and he’s the first to take me up on that.

But I’m going to use Ian as an example for my point of view.

My #1 game is here is Dead Pixels.  My #2 game here is Escape Goat.  Both games are retro-themed titles with 8-bit style graphics.  Both were well received games, not just from me but by the community at large.  Both received mainstream attention and a spot on the dashboard as a Kotaku pick.

Dead Pixels has sold 25,000 copies.  Escape Goat?  According to Ian, “only dozens.”

What is the difference between these two games?  Perhaps zombies are a better, more attractive subject matter than goats.  But, is it really 25,000 copies significant?

The significant difference is price point.  Dead Pixels cost $1.  Escape Goat costs $3.

This little piggy went to the market.

The article those guys sent I agree with in points and not in others.  However, my argument isn’t related to economics, cost to develop, or game quality.  It’s fully about consumer perception.  I believe, and no disrespect to any developer or the hard work they’ve put into their games, that gamers associate the term “indie game” with “non-professional, potentially unstable/unplayable/glitchy amateur games” that are not worthy of a significant cash investment, even if they are good games.  Whether this is true or not, it really is the consumer perception of the Xbox Live Indie Game marketplace.  As more quality games come in, that perception might change.  But it’s not likely to because there is no filter for XBLIGs and absolutely no quality control.

Right now, consumers can purchase games of remarkably high quality off the market for 80 Microsoft Points, or $1 USD.  It’s what the most promoted, mainstream reaching game the marketplace has seen was priced at.  And I feel once a consumer has a taste for that, it’s hard to justify high pricetags, especially when a lower one is an option.  The Minecraft games might be the exception because of the types of fans those cater to.  But in general, my (admittedly short) experience has taught me that 240MSP titles sell significantly less than others, with quality not at all relevant.

This little piggy stayed home.

Take Cthulhu Saves the World for instance.  Here’s a game that was 240MSP on the Xbox Live Indie Game marketplace.  It did poorly on the platform.  That’s despite mainstream attention, being promoted on the dashboard, being part of a promotion like the 2010 Winter Uprising, etc.  Then on Steam, at the same price point, it sells significantly better.  Many multiples better in fact.  And that’s because consumers perceive Steam as having better quality control, and higher quality games as a result.

On the flip side of that, consumers associate Xbox Live Indie Games as stuff that is more high risk.  There’s no quality control, and that’s plainly obvious to everyone involved.  Consumers associate XBLIG with games of poor quality, thanks in part to guys like, and I hate to bring up these guys, Silver Dollar Games.  You wouldn’t see stuff like their crap on Steam.  Period.  But you do constantly on Xbox Live Indie Games.  And not just from Silver Dollar, but from the majority of games on the marketplace.  And that perception suddenly makes even $3 a high risk investment.  It’s easier to buy three 80 point games using the fishing net strategy of “I’m bound to get at least one good game out of this” then it is to put all your money into one game and hope for the best.

You just don’t know what you’re going to get from Xbox Live Indie Games.  I’ve played games on here where, out of nowhere, the quality of a title suddenly falls off a cliff.  It even happened to one of my leaderboard games, Chester.  Midway through the game, there’s a level that takes about five seconds to beat.  What the fuck is that?  And mind you, this is a game I really liked.  A game that nearly became the #1 game on my leaderboard.  But it certainly did not put a premium on quality control, or shit like that non-level wouldn’t have happened.

I’m not going to bust on Silver Dollar anymore.  At the time I wrote that article against them, I was still new the scene.  Now, I realize they’re not the only developers that consciously shovel out stuff they know to be crap.  But I sort of have to use their games as examples because they have the most visibility.  Their rate of production means that someone new or returning to the Xbox Indie channel is likely to stumble upon one of their titles that are, admittedly eye-grabbing and maybe even attractive.  Then they try the game, hate it, and leave the channel.

What that situation does is taint all games, because a Silver Dollar Game that is priced at 80MSP is now painted into the picture with all XBLIG games, including ones not developed by Silver Dollar and priced at 240MSP or more.  Now that consumers associate games of that quality with the channel, they are really not going to want to put 240MSP at risk for one of those potentially poorly made Indie games.  $3 might not seem like a lot of money, but it’s only $2 less than Xbox Live Arcade Games that are on sale that week.  Those are games with a degree of quality control.  They are less likely to be  glitchy, and might even come from a major studio.  Plus, they come with all the bells and whistles of a real Xbox video game.  Achievements, proper online support, and professional levels of graphics.  During this Christmas season, I was able to purchase Beyond Good & Evil, a game that has had a pretty good amount of press, for the low price of 240 Microsoft Points.  That’s what Xbox Live Indie Games have to compete against.  Simply put, they can’t.

Plus, the argument fails to consider that games priced at 240MSP are generally no better or worse than their 80MSP counterparts.  240MSP might buy you amazing games like Escape Goat, Blocks That Matter, or Flight Adventure 2.  But, given the rate of bad games to good games, it’s more likely to buy you something like Raventhorne, Dragons vs Spaceships, or President John America.  The majority of consumers are more likely, just by the laws of chance, to sample those games over games of higher quality and have it taint their perception of the market.  I realize that some games are handicapped by the system Microsoft has created and are forced to price their games at $3.  I sympahtize with those people, because the system is forcing them to be, in my mind, uncompetitive.

I am willing to concede that the best-selling XBLIGs as of this writing are 240MSP.  There will always be exceptions to the rules.  Stuff like FortressCraft that made one million dollars will resonate in the minds of hopeful developers.  But those are games that are following a genre that is highly trendy right now.  They’re also probably selling significantly less copies of their games than they could on other platforms.  Reality shows that 240MSP, which is only $3, is too much to ask for your average Xbox 360 consumer.  That gamer is venturing into the Indie channel, not as a fan of it, but as someone who is looking for things to burn excess points on.  Quality is not going to be the tipping point for a three dollar game over a one dollar game.  Quantity is.  They can get more with 240MSP than with one game.  And, they can get a LOT of value out of those three games.  So if 80MSP is an option, you should take it.  I mean, you don’t think those Silver Dollar assholes would still be around if they were charging 240MSP, do you?

Kairi does not think the guys at Silver Dollar Games are assholes.  In fact, she respects them for sticking up for the XBLIG community, like they have repeatedly done.  However, she does think their games are about as fun as having glass shards forced under your fingernails. 

On the other hand, Kairi does quite enjoy being called a “Beacon of Hope.”  Wait, wasn’t that what the Jedis called Darth Vader?

UPDATE: Actually it would seem that Ian Stocker of Escape Goat did agree with my viewpoint.  Huh.  Well, either way you can expect something from him on this site sometime soon with the first installment of Tales from the Dev Side.

Pingvinas

Update: Pingvinas is now only 80 Microsoft Points. 

Pingvinas is the Lithuanian word for penguins.  Why would they even need a word for that?  Does Lithuania even have penguins?  It would be like Southern California having its own word for polar bear, or Kansas having its own word for intelligence.  Well I don’t need a unique word to describe what I think about Pingvinas.  I thought it was pretty good, but it’s hardly without flaws.

Pingvinas is a strategy board game where you maneuver your team of 2 to 4 penguins across a grid of icebergs trying to collect the most fish.  To start the game, you take turns with your opponents placing your penguins on any iceberg that has only one fish on it.  Once all the penguins are placed, you can then move one of them per turn to another iceberg that is adjacent to the one you’re standing on, or to an iceberg that’s in a straight line from where you’re standing.  Once you move your penguin, the previous space it occupied sinks.   Every iceberg has between one and three fish on it.  Whoever has collected the most fish when there are no more possible moves is the winner.  It’s a lot like various peg-based games that you’ve seen over the years, and in fact this game is directly based on a popular board game called “Hey, That’s My Fish.”  Which in some European countries is known as Pingvinas.  Fancy that.

The game is fun, especially on Xbox Live.  With AI opponents, I found even the smartest ones (called “extreme” here) make really dumb moves.  Like any board game, it’s just better to play with real people.  Even then, the retarded AI managed to rear its ugly head.  As a game of Pingvinas nears its end, the game has a default option where all remaining moves will be taken care of automatically by the AI, even if you’re playing with only two human players.  At first, Brian and I applauded this design choice as a great way to eliminate several minutes of useless game time, especially when the outcome is a foregone conclusion.

Unfortunately, it quickly became apparent that the computer was way less than intelligent and could potentially cost someone a victory that, if left to the human players, would be inevitable.  Once the board has been broken apart and your penguins have been nearly completely marooned from each other, the AI takes over.  Now in theory, that’s the correct time for it to take over.  The only “optional” moves left would be ones that you would use to intentionally get a lower score.  Guess which moves the AI does.  Yep.  And so you’ll see situations where a penguin is alone with only two possible moves: move left or move right.  No matter what, this will be the final move that penguin is capable of doing.  On the left, you have an iceberg with one fish.  On the right, the iceberg has three.  I swear, without fail, the AI took the iceberg with the single fish every single fucking time.  If you had a string of icebergs left where option one was get every one of them and option two was only get a couple, it would always end up getting the fewest possible.  I figured that maybe it was possible the game still had some kind of fail-safe in place that would prevent someone who had basically already had won from losing because of this.  That wasn’t true either.  It took me a while to set up the circumstances where I had enough spaces left where I would win the game if the auto-finish moved correctly.  It didn’t, and I lost.

Thankfully, this dimwitted feature is optional.  Just make sure that you turn it off before beginning a game.  Some other bugs weren’t so optional.  The game crashed on me once while I was trying to select the color of my penguins.  Another time, Brian and myself were halfway through a game when it just refused to let us play any further.  We still had plenty of spaces left, but the game was busy having a sulk.

Glitches aside, Pingvinas is a lot of fun and I do recommend it.  This is the type of strategy game that I would love to play online as often as possible.  Which brings me to the main problem with it: the price.  240 Microsoft Points is too much for what it offers.  Yes, it is fun, and that’s all that should count.  But in reality, most people don’t want to pay 240 Microsoft Points for a game they perceive as being an “amateur game.”  Gamers get those for free all over the internet, or on their phones.  Meanwhile, you can get some absolutely spectacular games on XBLIG, or elsewhere, for $1.  Pricing something like Pingvinas at $3 in a marketplace with such low support as Xbox Live Indie Games seems like suicide to me.

I lost several hours this week to jAggy Race, a game I got for free* on my iPhone that slays your typical $3 XBLIG in quality. I feel the average gamer will play a game like this and then question why anyone would have the nerve to charge $3 for their "amateur" game, whether they're right for believing that or not.

Maybe it shouldn’t be this way, but it is.  Gamers have come to expect to pay more and get less from their mainstream games.  A full disc release doesn’t typically get you what it used to.  Games are smaller, typically easier, and expected to be finished in a week or so.  Games like Skyrim are the exception to that, but in general most gamers expect less from their gaming dollars.

The opposite is true of indie gaming.  It’s where gamers go when they want to stretch out their budget.  Your game might have a value quality higher than the $3 you charge for it, but it will get ignored because that price buys three other games.  Considering that some of those $1 games are of unbelievably high quality and playability, seeing games like Pingvinas come out with a 240MSP price tag almost seems arrogant.  I personally had no problem paying for it, but my months on XBLIG have taught me that 240MSP games don’t sell and that I was likely to never find anyone other than Brian to play the game with.  Such a shame.  It’s a really good game, even if the AI makes more mistakes than a condom tester on her ninth trip to the abortion clinic.

Pingvinas was developed by Mobisation Germany

240 Microsoft Points anxious await the hits that Trailer Park King 2 will be bringing in sometime soon in the making of this review.

*jAggy Race is now apparently 99 cents in the iMarket.  I swear, it was free yesterday. 

A review copy of Pingvinas was provided by Mobisation Germany to IndieGamerChick.com in this review.  The copy played by the Chick was purchased by her with her own Microsoft Points.  The review copy was given to a friend with the sole purpose of helping the Chick test online multiplayer.  That person had no feedback in this article.  For more information on this policy, please read the Developer Support page here

If you enjoy Indie Gamer Chick and want to show your appreciation, you can do so by donating to Autism Speaks.  This is an amazing organization that has made a profound impact on my life, and a donation to them will contribute towards making a difference in the lives of others.

Dragons vs Spaceships

I should preface this review with an acknowledgement that I’m not huge into vertical space shooters.  I have nothing against them, and on occasion I’ve been known to get into them for short periods of time.  But, while I try to remain open to games of every genre, I admit that shmups are the genre you’re least likely to see me playing.

Are we clear about that?  Good.  Now onto the review.

Oh my God, I fucking hated Dragons vs Spaceships.  I kind of figured I wouldn’t encounter games with this level of staleness on the XBLIG service.  Hah.  Shows what I know.

Dragons vs Spaceships is pretty much your garden variety shoot ’em up.  The screen scrolls vertically while waves of enemies descend upon you.  Like the 1987 arcade classic Dragon Spirit, the gimmick here is that your ship is actually a dragon.  Okay, so it’s not totally original.  I suppose at this point I should just be thankful that it’s not a zombie.

Regardless of what it actually is, the gameplay is all that matters.  Here, it’s a clunky mess.  The controls are stiff and not responsive.  The enemies move too fast and your ship-dragon-thingie moves too slow.  Oh, and the enemies are mostly of the bullet-sponge variety.  Given how slowly your dragon shoots, if you have anything but the highest grade of weapon, you might as well not bother to shoot at all.   Then again, sometimes when an item is on the screen, if you don’t pick it up at that very nanosecond, an enemy will swoop down and take the item away.  Dragons vs Spaceships does so many things wrong it almost makes me wonder if the game is intentionally horrible.

I usually make an honest effort to finish games here, but that wasn’t doable in this case.  I admit that I’m not the most skilled of shooter players.  Still, when a game asks me if I want to continue when I game over, I sort of expect the ability to continue.  I made it to the second stage twice.  Here, it takes only one death and you are pretty much toast.  Why?  Because your bullets are slow and useless against this stage’s enemies, yet it’s impossible to pick up any upgrades because as soon as they appear they get stolen.  So I game overed, and was asked if I wanted to continue.  I selected yes.  And then I was sent back to level one.

No, for real.  It asks you if you want to continue and then ignores you.  It’s as if the game is saying “Continue?  Why you silly little bitch.  This is a game engineered around being as unfriendly, poorly designed, and unentertaining as possible.  Now go back to level one and love it you whore.”  I’m not sure what that was about, but it wasn’t like it was the first thing in the game that I had managed to break.  I was twice able to make the first boss fail to spawn.  The music for it would cue up, but because I’m a shooty type of person, I held the fire button down.  The boss would peak its head out, one of my bullets would lightly graze it, and it would disappear, never to be seen again.  The music kept playing and I kept flying down an endless hallway, but there was no boss.  There’s also no way to restart the game without actually exiting the game and going back to the dashboard.  So I was stuck.  Forever.  What a well made game.

No, I’m not this game’s target demographic.  I didn’t grow up in an era where games like Gradius or R-Type would eat my ass for lunch and then skip out on the check.  But, I still know the difference between a good game and a bad game.  Dragons vs Spaceships is an absolutely horrible video game.  It’s often broken and glitchy.  Ignoring the boss that failed to RSVP, there were a few times where I was flying on an empty screen with no bullet or enemies and my dragon just up and died anyway.  After a while, I came to expect something to fail with the engine.  And you know what?  It was actually more entertaining waiting for something to glitch out than actually playing the game.  What’s here isn’t fun in the slightest way.  Bland weapons, useless secondary “power” weapons, boring enemy design, uninspired attack patterns, and just so much generic nothingness.  This might be one of the worst games I’ve played on the marketplace.  You can’t just mix mediocrity with dragons and expect the product to improve by default.  They already tried it with Dennis Quaid and the results speak for themselves.

Dragons vs Spaceships was developed by Game Production Studios

240 Microsoft Points spent twenty minutes last night arguing with their boyfriend over whether or not Reign of Fire is an entertaining movie or not (it’s not) in the making of this review. 

And no, I didn’t play this co-op.  Proceed to whine that I didn’t play it right in the comments section.

If you enjoy Indie Gamer Chick and want to show your appreciation, you can do so by donating to Autism Speaks.  This is an amazing organization that has made a profound impact on my life, and a donation to them will contribute towards making a difference in the lives of others.

Avatar Trivia Party

I really should send a card to Red Crest Studios.  A while back, I reviewed their game Avatar Trivia Online.  I paid for my copy, while Brian received a code for his.  After just a few days, the game was pulled from the marketplace, never to return.  That means the copies on our hard drives are the only copies that are in the hands of the public.   I think that makes them worth around three trillion dollars each.  Hopefully in twenty years that will still be enough money to put our kids through college.

I don’t blame Red Crest for pulling Avatar Trivia Online.  It was kind of a piece of shit.  A trivia game with no scoring, no structure, and no reason to exist at all.  It really disappointed me because I had fallen in love with his previous effort, Andromium, which spent a few months on my leaderboard.  Mike Ventnor assured me that it was pulled for a reason and would be resurrected, better than ever.  Hell, anything would be better than what it was before.

Now it’s back out, and it’s called Avatar Trivia Party.  It’s also an actual game, with an actual method to win, rules, and a reason to exist.  The idea is sort of Chutes & Ladders meets Trivial Pursuit.  Each round, players are randomly assigned the order they’ll go in.  You’re given a trivia question.  If you answer correctly, you’re given two dice to roll.  If you answer incorrectly, you’re given only one dice.  The first player to reach the goal wins.  Along the board, there are special spaces that will send you backwards, forwards, through shortcuts, roll extra dice, or trade spots with a player.  It creates the Mario Party scenario where even the player who is far and away the most skilled can still be fucked half the time by random chance.

You troll Altered Beast one time and suddenly it starts stalking you everywhere.

It’s still a lot of fun though.  I have to admit, there’s something hilarious about watching myself build up a 40 space lead on my boyfriend only to have him hit the “switch spaces” thing when I’m right next to the finish line.  I should be steaming and looking for something acidic to spray in his eyeballs, but instead we’re too busy laughing together.  Isn’t that what board games are supposed to be about?  Randomness to level the play field is the heart of all board games. There’s always going to be someone better at trivia than you, or spelling, or real estate speculation, or at feeding hippopotami.  So it wouldn’t be fun if I, Senorita Egghead, ran roughshod over Brian every game just because I’m smart and he’s a retard.

Okay, actually that would be fun.  For me.  Not so much for him.

Avatar Trivia Party was developed by Red Crest Studios

80 Microsoft Points answered “September” in the making of this review.

A review copy of Avatar Trivia Party was provided by Red Crest Studios to IndieGamerChick.com in this review.  The copy played by the Chick was purchased by her with her own Microsoft Points.  The review copy was given to a friend with the sole purpose of helping the Chick test online multiplayer.  That person had no feedback in this article.  For more information on this policy, please read the Developer Support page here

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Elfsquad7

Bah, humbug.  I hate Christmas themed games.  For every Johnny Platform Saves Christmas, there are a dozen horrible yuletide offerings that are more akin to getting a lump of coal in your stocking.  And by coal and I meant tumor, and by stocking I meant breast.  Seriously, they turned Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, the cherished childhood classic, into a Wii game.  Is nothing sacred?  Hollywood already turned Santa Claus into a self-centered twat using the Tool Time guy, and let us not forget that Will Ferrell played an elf in a movie whose title I forgot.  Both those movies spawned some Grinch-like video games, although I’m guessing neither one of them were as bad as the Grinch Dreamcast game my father got me as a gag gift when I was eleven.  A dick move on his part for sure, especially after I put so much thought into my gift for him: new brake lines for his car that he could install as soon as he found out that I cut the old ones.

Elfsquad7 sent a shiver down my Scrooge-like spine, but that was based solely on my memories of Jingle All the Way and the smell of the Santa Claus at the Standford Shopping Center.  Well, I suppose Peppermint Schnapps is kind of Christmasy.  Anyway, going off the screenshots I was expecting something more like a platformer.  Instead, it’s more like a gallery shooter with some light hopping and bopping thrown in.  Playing as a helper of the jolly socialist thingie, you hop around a small stage, shooting various presents that rain down on you.  After a couple of shots, the presents become wrapped and you have to collect them before they bounce off the screen.  To clear a stage, you have to get a set number of wrapped gifts before the time limit runs out.  You can also unlock items between stages in a shop.  Well, thank God they didn’t forget to include all the commercialism aspects of the holidays.  ‘Tis the Season!

Elfsquad7, despite the horrible name, is a decent game.  It’s not spectacular or anything, but it’s playable, fast paced, and kind of fun.  The whole game only takes about ten minutes to play through from start to finish.  That doesn’t sound like it’s long enough, but the game is designed with family co-op in mind.  I only played one round using the local-only multiplayer, and I realized that ten minutes is perfect.  Any longer and things were bound to get stabby.  Up to four players can come along for the ride.  I don’t even know the names of that many people, so I dragged my father, Whatshisface, into the game with me.  Probably not the best idea since this is a game aimed at children, but I have to work with the tools I have.  Now I consider my old man a relatively smart guy, but for the life of me I couldn’t get it through his thick skull that every time he walks too far away from me, it tended to make the screen scroll off of me.  Thus, I couldn’t see what I was shooting at.  This went on the entire game, with me doing the majority of the work and him just wandering around aimlessly like a five-year old.  Perfect!

There’s three difficulty settings in Elfsquad7.  Easy mode is suited for people playing alone, while I believe that the medium and hard difficulties absolutely require multiple people to finish.  The game controls fine, although I found using the butt-stomp jump to be difficult to pull off accurately.  The graphics and music are pretty well done.  My biggest complaint is that the game often freezes up for a second or two, usually completely at random.  It’s as if you’re watching a scratched-up DVD.  It was noticeable in single player, and at times highly annoying in multiplayer.  Not as annoying as my Pops was, but it needs to be looked into.

I still liked Elfsquad7.  It’s a neat little distraction for fifteen minutes, and it’s priced accordingly.  I think with four people it might get maddening trying to keep everyone on-screen, especially if you’re playing with young children or their fat, balding, 62-year-old Cuban equivalents.  It’s well done ascetically and I’m sure children actually will enjoy it.  The controls could be smoother and the choppiness (which I’m sure will get patched out) is irritating, but as a game it’s just fine and it’s worth your money.  In fact, you probably should buy it.  If it doesn’t sell, the developer is threatening to make his next game be “Zombie Fart Doctor vs. the Obese Ninjas” and.. you know what, change that.  Nobody buy this.

Elfsquad7 was developed by Tykocom

80 Microsoft Points are now certain to be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come in the making of this review.

If you enjoy Indie Gamer Chick and want to show your appreciation, you can do so by donating to Autism Speaks.  This is an amazing organization that has made a profound impact on my life, and a donation to them will contribute towards making a difference in the lives of others.

The Chick’s Monthly Top 10 Update: November 2011

We’re almost halfway through the first year of Indie Gamer Chick and it’s time for my 5th monthly update.  Like last month, only one new game has made the leaderboard.  Perhaps we’re nearing the point where a full month might pass by without a new member for it.  That’s not to say games are becoming poorer in quality.  November was actually a pretty good month for Xbox Live Indie Games.  I would like to give a quick shout-out to the good titles that didn’t quite get a spot on the board.

LightFish: XBLIG’s answer to Qix.  I adored my time with this game.  No title ever at IndieGamerChick has come as close to making the leaderboard and coming up short as it did.

Avatar Panic: Another remake of an arcade classic.  Maybe.  I’ve never really heard any old school gamer drone on about how they lost their childhood to Buster Bros.  Either way, I quite enjoyed Milkstone’s AHHHHHHHHH God damn it.  Every time I say their name it makes me think of Raven fucking Thorne. Let me try again: I quite liked their effort here and I think it’s criminal that this was one of their lowest selling titles.

Growing Pains: The guys who brought you some Xbox Live Arcade title return to their XBLIG roots with this dexterity-based punisher.  From what I’ve gathered, the general consensus seems to be “meh.”  I would go higher than that, even if my review didn’t indicate it.  I thought it was overall solid, even if the higher difficulty levels were a bit on the impossible side.

DLC Quest: I absolutely adored DLC Quest.  That’s why I hope there is never a sequel to it.  I know Ben Kane has been getting tons of requests for them.  For God’s sake Ben, don’t listen to them.  You successfully made a parody game where the joke didn’t stop being funny before the game ended.  Walk away a winner.  My sequelphobia aside, this game actually did what so many XBLIGs failed to do: take the piss out of gaming.  I don’t think it’s really a Top 10

VolChaos: I still don’t like it.  I do like Kris Steele’s other game, Hypership Out of Control.  Grab it for the iPad or iPhone now.  The dude has talent.

And for everyone who says that VolChaos is like Super Meat Boy, I don’t think so.  The similarities might be there, and Kris might have gotten some inspiration from it, but I don’t find the games particularly related.  I even went back and messed around briefly with it.  Super Meat Boy is based more on dexterity and acrobatics, while VolChaos is more of a game that tests your reflexes and focuses and quick thinking.  Growing Pains is much more in the vain of Super Meat Boy.  I would compare VolChaos to one of those auto-scrolling sequences where an enemy is chasing you, sort of like the dragon from Mega Man 2.  Of course, VolChaos doesn’t auto-scroll.  Maybe I missed too many games from that era but there’s really nothing I can directly compare it to recently.  Help me out people.

So it’s time to induct a new member into the IndieGamerChick Xbox Live Indie Game All-Time Top 10.  Instead of rehashing the list, I’ll just skip to the new game.  But first, a huge shout out to Andromium, which finally slipped off the list after three months.  It’s not a game that was very successful commercially, and that is a crying shame, because it’s one of the most original and entertaining XBLIGs I’ve had the pleasure of playing.  Guys, don’t miss it.  If you have 80 points to spare, go get it.

And now it’s time to welcome Escape Goat to the list.  It’s without question one of the best Xbox Live Indie Games I’ve ever played.  It has awesome old-school graphics that never tip their hat that they were developed with an Xbox 360 in mind.  The gameplay reminded me of Tecmo’s arcade and NES classic Solomon’s Key, but with much better play control.  In fact, the control was absolutely perfect.  Maybe that’s why I ended up being so hard on VolChaos.  It’s hard to look away at its control problems when I just played a game that was old school in theme but was completely without flaws in terms of playability.

In determining where it would go on the list, I weighed it against each current occupant.  Ultimately, I decided that it merited the #2 spot.  When I told Brian, he was stunned.  What I didn’t tell him until just now was that I had a very difficult time trying to determine if it had actually climbed to the #1 spot.  It was very close.  I still give the nod to Dead Pixels because it offers more replayability, with or without the added content that’s on the way.  And while we’re on that subject, quit hounding CSR Studios for the new Dead Pixels content you impatient fucks.  It will be ready when it’s ready.  You already have the best video game that 80 Microsoft Points can buy.  Be happy with it for now.

So that’s it for this month.  Thanks again to all my readers for your continued patronage.  I did have to retire the Developer Challenges and Indies in Due Time features, which really did sadden me.  But I think the Fuck Nostalgia feature went over, um, well.  And there will be a new feature this month called Tales from the Dev Side where I give developers a chance to talk about the creation of their games here, and an open forum to hate on me if they so wish.

Until next time, I’m not a FemNazi.  I’m Cuban.  I’m a FemCastro.