Gradius ReBirth (Review)

Gradius ReBirth
Platform: Nintendo Wii via WiiWare
Released September 2, 2009
Directed by Masato Misaki
Developed by M2
Published by Konami
NEVER BEEN RE-RELEASED 

This screenshot might look like a widescreen Gradius III remake. Is it? (shrug) A little bit. It’s not much more ambitious than that, really.

Gradius ReBirth feels much smaller than its Castlevania counterpart (which was a pretty f*cking small game, all things considered). Much smaller, in size and scope. You can unlock a couple extra load outs by beating the game, a score attack mode that I swear to God I couldn’t figure out what purpose it served,  and there’s a pair of “bonus levels” (more like bonus rounds/areas) that can be found on second loops, but otherwise, the game is just five stages long. Really, it’s only called “Gradius ReBirth” because “Gradius Cliff Notes” or “Gradius Abridged” didn’t focus test well. I’ve heard it compared to the MSX Gradius/Nemesis games that were, arguably, the big winners of Konami Shoot ‘Em Ups: The Definitive Review. I kind of got the MSX vibe. I mean, look at Hans Naughty (yes, that’s really its name) from Nemesis 3 and the Crawler X from Gradius Rebirth:

Hans Naughty

Crawler X

So yeah, there’s shared DNA there, except it’s literally a franchise so shared DNA is the entire point. The Game Boy titles were small, high-quality games too, and technically the Crawler X is meant to be a remake of this iconic Game Boy boss, which is literally called “Crawler.”

Crawler (

Man, Gradius has the coolest boss designs, doesn’t it? But the important thing: all three of the above boss fights are fun, because Gradius is a consistently fun franchise. So the pitch with Rebirth in 2009 was “five new Gradius stages for $10.” Whether or not that’s worth it depends on how big a fan you are of the series, because there’s nothing new here except the mildest of twists in the established Gradius levels, enemies, and set pieces. I could seriously post any screenshot of ReBirth and coyly say “look familiar?!” in the caption. Let’s try that.

Look familiar?!

Or how about:

Look familiar?!

I’m just getting started.

Look familiar?!

You get the idea. In terms of level themes, there’s no surprises, making ReBirth feel like an abbreviated tour of the Gradius franchise. BUT, all the “look familiar?!” screenshots above had a little twist to them. Take the iconic Gradius volcano sequence in the first level. You can actually change it depending on what you do earlier in the level, when you encounter this:

It’s like a scanner.

Don’t shoot either of them and the game will play out as expected with the typical Gradius “let’s park right over the volcanoes” which never made any sense. Like, just keep going, Vic! What the f*ck are you parking for? But, if you blow up the top scanner, the stage will turn white and the famous volcano eruption sequence doesn’t happen, replaced instead with an enemy attack wave. Blow up the bottom one and the stage will turn red, causing additional volcanoes to blow. It’s not exactly “alternate paths” like in Castlevania ReBirth, but it’s the same principle and it’s not really enough to make this stand out as a must-play Gradius game. Much like with Castlevania, I thought Gradius ReBirth was just okay.

Level One – White

Level One – Red

Since Gradius ReBirth is a $10 early-era digital exclusive from the original Nintendo eShop, it absolutely does come across like a half-assed checking of the water level by Konami. So did Castlevania: The Adventure ReBirth, by the way, but that game felt a lot more ambitious than this one. Gradius ReBirth is missing a lot of franchise staples and set pieces, including, unforgivably, the iconic boss rush. As much fun as I had with ReBirth, I swear to God there’s not a single stand-out moment in the entire game. Not one. It’s consistently fine and offers the expected white knuckle thrills, but when you realize the game is over, it does ultimately feel like a let down.

Oh how I hated the last (proper) boss. I didn’t mind the wall of Big Cores, but when it presses up against the wall, I thought that was dirty pool.

Gradius ReBirth gave me the exact same “let’s not waste A-material on a $10 Wii eShop release” vibe that I got from Castlevania ReBirth. So I don’t like the MSX or Game Boy comparisons for ReBirth. I played and cherished all those and walked away believing that each of the MSX games, whether I gave them a YES! or not, gave it their f*cking all. The Game Boy games too. With the limited resources the platforms offered, I still walked away thinking that the games were an earnest attempt to make the best possible game the technology allowed. ReBirth feels like it has just exactly enough gameplay and content that it can be sold as a Gradius game in 2009, and how can you not be frustrated by that? It’s so cynical.

Jeez, way to phone in the design of the helpless thing we’re blowing up at the end, M2. Okay, so the Option Hunters coming out in droves was a nice touch, but this is the literal end of the game, so who cares?

ReBirth is so arbitrary and safe and heartless that I’m kind of mad that I have to give it a YES! ReBirth’s biggest accomplishment is that it proves how bulletproof the Gradius formula is. When I first started it, I was convinced I was playing one of the best eShop games ever. But it just never strives to be better than it absolutely has to be to count as a Gradius game. It controls exactly like Gradius, and it plays and even sounds like an arcade Gradius. It IS Gradius. ReBirth is heartless, half-assed Gradius that does the bare minimum to be fun and could NEVER be released as a stand alone today, but Gradius nonetheless.
Verdict: YES!
If this had been part of Konami Shoot ‘Em Ups: The Definitive Review, I would have added $2 in value to the hypothetical Konami Shoot ‘Em Up Collection.