The $1 Zombie Game
October 17, 2011 13 Comments
Zombie Survival Diary: Day One
So the Zombie Apocalypse broke out. Again. And this time I’m stuck in an abandoned courtyard of what looks like a slum. I’m all alone. Well, except for this seven-foot tall dude holding a camera that always walks about three feet behind me. I’m not sure what’s up with that, but he doesn’t seem to eat or sleep, so whatever.
Thankfully this slum was well stocked with guns and ammo, but that should come as no surprise. I mean, what else are slums good for? Well, besides drugs and cheap hookers, or cheap hookers on drugs? Either way, I’ve got a wide variety of weapons at my disposal here. Shotguns, automatics, sniper rifles, and pistols. This could be fun.
Zombie Survival Diary: Day Two
Oh my God I’m so fucking bored. These zombies just slowly hobble around, and for some reason they’re wearing workout pants. I lose about 10% of my health every time one flails its arms at me from a distance of five feet. I’m stuck in this courtyard, which is empty and sterile and doesn’t offer anything in the way of entertainment. And for some reason I have to hold the left click button my Xbox controller to run. Also, like a total idiot, I only carry limited ammo for the more fun guns but unlimited ammo for my pistols. The bullets for both seem just about equally as effective, so why wouldn’t I want to carry unlimited ammo for the gun that is more fun? And why do I only take one fun gun and one pistol out with me when I go outside to mow down zombies? This makes no damn sense.
Zombie Survival Diary: Day Three
The zombies seem to be getting faster. Which is counter-logical. Shouldn’t the zombies have been at their fastest at the beginning of the Apocalypse and not days afterwards? I mean, they are dead, right? So by now rigor has set in, their flesh is rotted more, and their muscles should have lost the ability to flex, which is what you need to move swiftly. So in theory, they should be stiff as a board by now, unable to move at all, which would allow me to walk by and finish them off in more leisurely ways, like using a coping saw to slowly cut their head off.
But no, they’re faster. It makes me wonder what I was thinking when I decided to bring a sniper rifle out with me today. Sniper rifles are more suited for things that can’t run the 100 meter dash in five seconds. You’re meant to set your shot, take aim, and fire. Here, you don’t have a chance to. Not that it matters. I don’t even have to aim, or apparently even hit the zombies to kill them. I can just point the gun anywhere in their general vicinity and it seems to do the trick. Man, this Zombie Apocalypse kind of sucks.
Zombie Survival Diary: Day Four
Well so much for that. The zombies seem to be bullet sponges now. When I shoot one, a huge cloud of red stuff that I’m guessing is supposed to be blood but looks more like the type of fire-retardant that airplanes drop explodes out of them. And once the dust clears, it’s not unusual to see them still walking, gasping as if they’re trying to catch their breath, which makes sense since I shot them in the lungs, but it doesn’t make sense because they’re supposed to be dead and not breathing. Meanwhile, some of the zombies are getting stuck in the various trash cans lying around, or stuck halfway in buildings, or in staircases. Maybe they’re polterzombies.
Either way, this whole experience has not been particularly difficult. Or fun, for that matter. For the most part, all I have to do is run a big circle around the courtyard, all while holding the click button on the left stick down. Once the zombies are in a line, I just gun them down, fast ones first, then slow ones. If they get too close, I just repeat the follow-the-leader process all over again. It’s lame. I feel like the Pied Piper, only zombies aren’t half as much fun to kill as children.
The $1 Zombie Game was developed by rmm5
80 Microsoft Points are waiting for the $0.01 Zombie Game in the making of this review.
Hurley, whom I hear has a tattoo of me on his butt, also reviewed this for Gear-Fish.