House of 1000 Demons

Kairi woke up to find she had purchased a strange text-based game called House of 1000 Demons off the indie marketplace for 80 Microsoft Points.

(X) Play the Game.

Watch reruns of American Pickers.

Kairi heard her father talk about games like this.  They were apparently huge in the 70s.  “Big deal,” she thought.  “So was LSD and Disco.  It doesn’t mean in the year 2011 I should be listening to the Bee Gees and watching my hand move.”  Regardless, she pressed on and followed the humor-based story.

Hilarious plot.

Light chuckles but too referential.

(X) A bunch of talentless monkeys throwing darts at a list of pop-culture references and shoehorning them into the most half-assed game since the Press Start simulator.

Kairi slogged through the text, often holding the B button to make it scroll faster.  After choosing the wrong option while dealing with a headless body sitting in a closet, she learns she has to start the entire experience over.  From the beginning.

A fine way to pad out a game that would only last roughly ten minutes if played in full.

(X) Dick move.

After nearly dying from boredom from the incredibly unfunny plot, Kairi completes the game on her third try, shaking her head in disgust at how they couldn’t even write a satisfactory conclusion to their amateurish story.  But the important thing is they got a reference to Army of Darkness in there at the end because, by God, there’s a movie that doesn’t get quoted enough.  In the end, Kairi recommends that prospective Xbox owners who are considering buying House of 1000 Demons should…

Buy it.

(X) Fire a staple gun into their own scrotum instead.

House of 1000 Corpses was developed by xGcRaydenx

80 Microsoft Points thought Turducken is wasteful because it just ends up tasting like chicken anyway in the making of this review.

Advertisements

About Indie Gamer Chick
The most read Xbox Live Indie Game critic in the world.

4 Responses to House of 1000 Demons

  1. Chadwick says:

    I am the Scriptwriter for House of 1000 Demons and I just wanted to say that I am not a “bunch of monkeys” and I am terrible at dart throwing! But thanks for buying the game :3

  2. Kairi Vice says:

    Notice he didn’t deny being talentless.

    • You know, I’m not proud of this comment, but can’t deny I did it.

      I wrote this review less than three weeks after starting my site. I wasn’t good at offering constructive feedback right away. I was 22 and obnoxious. So yea, I’m sorry I was a bitch here.

  3. Shwing says:

    Sure is casual gamer that can’t even finish a 5 minute long game in here.

What do you think?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: