SHOOTING CHICKENS Brutal Suckers
June 13, 2012 11 Comments
From the guys who brought you The Houchi Play (shudder) comes a game about shooting chickens, hence the title. The game is also unreasonably difficult, again hence the title. And actually it sucks too, hence the title. Fuck it, my job is done.
80 Microsoft Points said wait, that’s not enough? Fine.
So the idea is you’re this chick with a shotgun who has to run through levels blowing away poultry. Why? I don’t know. Maybe KFC fucked up her order and gave her coleslaw instead of baked beans, and the only appropriate course of action she could take was hunting their product to extinction. Either way, she has a gun and the chickens are chickens. In theory, this is hardly a fair fight.
Theories can be a fickle thing. The chickens prove to be a little overwhelming. This is a war of attrition, where your only resource is patience and the chickens have numbers to spare. My “not a fair fight” theory was correct. I was just wrong about which side had the advantage. The chickens smother you in brutal numbers, sometimes on both sides, and you simply cannot avoid taking damage. Health fills are scarce, weapon pick-ups have very limited ammo, and grenades are sparse as well. You do get unlimited bullets with the shotty, but it’s not much help when enemies go from not being on-screen to causing you damage in a fraction of a second.
I struggled for over an hour just to reach the first checkpoint on the first stage. After a while I started to question whether it was the game’s fault or mine own. Maybe it was mine. Maybe I was sick. Maybe it was bird flu. Get it? Sigh. I’m so sorry.
I did get to the first check point, but after a few tries I couldn’t make it to the next one. What happened? Chicks. As in baby chickens. Tiny little things only a couple pixels tall. They take THREE point-blank shotgun blasts to kill, and they can absolutely gang-bang you while you try to hit them. Mind you, most of the enemies in this game are ready for shaking and baking after only one shot. Why are babies the toughest, and the most resilient? Is this some kind of pro-life metaphor? If so, it doesn’t work. Hey, I don’t like the idea of abortions either, but if something is shot from a distance of one inch in the head with a shotgun and it doesn’t die, we’re no longer talking about God’s will. In fact, I believe that would be the work of Satan, and you should call an exorcist.
I was kind of hoping that SHOOTING CHICKENS would be more like Bird Assassin. Just a run and spray shooter with an insane body count. Although it has the body count, it lacks in the fun factor. It has decent graphics and the controls work. In fact, I like how it has the control scheme at the bottom of the screen so that you don’t have to pause the game if you want to know how to do something. That’s smart design. I just wish they had toned down the difficulty. It’s inaccessible, to the point of being a bullet hell with chickens replacing artillery. You can try to have fun with it, but you’ll just end up running around like a chicken with its head cut off. What? Oh come on, that wasn’t so bad.
80 Microsoft Points used to think Popcorn Chicken was made from baby chickens in the making of this review.