June 9, 2012 14 Comments
When I first heard the name “Mortal Legacies” I thought it sounded like someone left out the word “Kombat” on an iPhone port of the series. I mean, doesn’t Mortal Kombat Legacies sound like a crappy iPhone version of Mortal Kombat? It does to me. Something that uses digital controls and plays like shit. Well, Mortal Legacies isn’t an iPhone version of Mortal Kombat. It does play like shit though.
Okay, so the term “play like shit” is a bit harsh. Utterly pointless, clunky, and containing less personality than a sea sponge is probably a better description for Mortal Legacies. It’s a traditional turn-based RPG, where you play as a dude who has to kill a demon and return the king’s crown to him. Why? I don’t know. Mortal Legacies does a decent job of recreating early 16-bit era graphics, but skimped out on stuff like storyline, characterization, and any sense of urgency to the situation. Let’s face it, straight-laced RPGs are fucking boring as hell. The only reason to play them is if they contain an absolute dynamite storyline that can keep you from zoning out while you navigate menus. The guys at Zeboyd realized this, which is why they took copious amounts of laughing gas when it was time to write the batshit insane scripts for their games, or at least that’s my theory.
Mortal Legacies has five characters that join your party, but none of them have any back story, or even dialog beyond an introductory sentence. Characters in towns typically speak only one fragmented sentence at you. With no story and no characters, what is the point? Maybe this was a learning-curve game for the developer, who frequently posts here as Ivatrix. Cool dude he is. But he has a long ways to go as a game developer. Ignoring the lack of narrative, Mortal Legacies has all kinds of mechanical problems. First of all, it’s a time-honored tradition in RPGs that you press A to talk to someone. Here, you just walk up to them. Early on, this created annoying situations where I missed dialog from my mother that I couldn’t repeat. Maybe I missed something that would give the main protagonist something resembling a personality. Probably not, at least outside of being a pussy-whipped momma’s boy.
Leveling up is fairly easy in Mortal Legacies. I was easily able to max out all the stats of my party on normal difficulty in fairly short order. It helps that you get experience points for completing objectives, like for example, talking to your mother. You level up for that. I’m not joking. If that’s too easy for you, you can fight in random battles. However, enemies shit out so much XP and Gold that they might as well shove a spigot in their ass and call themselves a tap.
You use gold to buy items, even though enemies hemorrhage those as well. Chances are you’ll never actually need to buy any potions, so you can save up all your money for weapons and armor. Equipping them is a bit tricky. The menus are unintuitive, slow, and clunky, but thankfully the game only lasts a little over an hour so you won’t have to deal with them for too long. Then again, there really is no reason to play Mortal Legacies. When I say it has nothing to offer, I’m not being coy. It literally has nothing to offer. If this was Ivatrix’s babysteps into game development, bravo for the effort. It’s too bad he missed the first lesson of RPG creation: have a fucking plot. Do you know what you call an RPG that doesn’t have a plot? That’s right: Final Fantasy XIII.
80 Microsoft Points said this should have been the ironic theme song of Mortal Legacies in the making of this review.