Crypt of the NecroDancer (Pinball FX Table Review)

Crypt of the NecroDancer
Pinball FX Debuting Pin
First Released April 13, 2023
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Pinball FX
Designed by Gergely ’Gary’ Vadocz
Stand Alone Release ($5.49 MSRP)
Links: Pinball FX Wiki

For all the crap I’m about to give Crypt of the NecroDancer Pinball, it received a Clean Scorecard from my team. A very difficult task, especially considering that all six “Primary” Pinball FX players (IE non-Nintendo Switch) submitted a rating and nobody thought it deserved less than a GOOD rating. My team consists of three millennials/Gen-Xers, a 75 year old retiree, and two children. All of us gave it a positive rating. This is a quality pin. Now, whether or not it reached its fullest potential is another matter.

Based on the indie stalwart that I’ve never really played, because my ability to keep a beat is right up there with my ability to do a Vince Carter 360 windmill jam. Thankfully, you don’t HAVE to be able to keep a beat in this pinball take on it, even though the game talks about it. Really, you just have to shoot whichever shot is lit and/or then shoot the shots where a C (for COMBO) is lit, which builds the coin multiplier, which increases the value of shots, defeated enemies, and bosses. Instead of thinking of this as a rhythm pinball game, think of it as musical chairs pinball. You just have to beat the modes before the music runs out. Jordi said this shares more DNA with something like Safe Cracker than it does with the indie it’s based off of, and he’s right. Now, we rank Safe Cracker second-to-last behind only Han Solo as the worst overall Pinball FX table, so that might sound like a bad thing. It’s not. The only difference is when the time runs out in Safe Cracker, you don’t automatically lose the game. Here, the ball dies if you haven’t completed the current task before the music stops. There’s no overtime, and that absolutely sucks. And what’s especially lousy is they have a perfectly logical penalty already in place. When you finish the mode, whatever music is left can be spent shooting jackpots or entering the store to spend diamonds. Missing out on that is punishment enough. You don’t have to kill them too. It’s rude!

Signature Element – Digital Targets: A few Pinball FX and Pinball M tables use what we’ve dubbed “digital targets.” Moving characters that aren’t cardboard targets, usually in the form of full characters. World War Z, Solo, Chucky’s Killer Pinball, and so forth have them. Crypt has probably the best ones. They’re not spongy, which is a major plus. In fact, this is one of the least grindy tables in Pinball FX. Except for collecting diamonds. That’s grindy, needlessly risky, and boring.

Mind you, there’s no actual numeric timer, which would be a nice concession for hearing-impaired players. That’s why it’s especially funny that I played a lot better when I muted the game (I often play all games muted) and just shot like I would any other table. I even broke five out of six available records on the Nintendo Switch version without hearing a single note. Angela, who wears headphones and listens to music when she plays pinball, was also frustrated by the lack of a visual timer. The layout is simple, with the highlight being digital targets based on enemies from the indie game that you smack. The digital targets are an absolute joy to shoot. They never feel like a chore. The orbits are all satisfying to hit. But, there’s so many needlessly merciless moments. Like the diamonds. I’ve had many instances where I broke the brick that was hiding them and made the collection, only it then dropped the ball straight down the f’n drain. Off a made, incentivized shot. Crypt should have been an all-time classic in the annals of Zen Studios, but it’s merely okay because of wanton cruelty. The slingshots aren’t necessarily lethal, but they do burn off a lot of time. It’s not rare at all for the ball to get stuck in an extended volley between them. It looks like the slingshots are playing hot potato with each-other. Crypt doesn’t exactly feel lifelike, as the ball feels both too heavy while also gliding around like a hockey puck, and sometimes that’s good and sometimes that’s bad.

Signature Mode – Mini Table: I love the idea here, but the execution spoils the fun. It’s like a dueling pinball where the gravity reverses at the midway point of the table, and you’re trying to shoot the opponent’s drain. But, the physics are rough as hell. When the ball drains on your side, it’s supposed to be pushed back up into play, presumably by a burst of air. But sometimes the mechanism or physics fail and the ball falls immediately back down into the drain. Maybe it’ll go up and down without curving towards the flippers, but more often it doesn’t even clear the drain before it goes back down, costing you more chances if it’s a bonus room or your health if it’s the third boss. This isn’t something you could have flipped to save. The ball didn’t even make it that high. It’s literally inside the drain when whatever happens causes it to fall again. This happens constantly, and I try not to get angry at this type of thing, but this one got me because it’s just so lazy. Plus, it didn’t need to be this way in the first place. When the ball drains, the ball could have been teleported to the lane and the player loses health or chances, or have a VUK in the corner that spits the ball back out. Those options come with zero risk of mechanical or physics engine failure. No player can ever become frustrated by it and rendered less likely to purchase more Pinball FX tables. But, instead of doing that, nah, just a little puff of air that may or may not work. It’s one of those design choices so obviously bad that you can practically hear the designer saying “eh, maybe it just pops back up. Or not. Who cares? It’s only pinball!”

The center orbit (third from the left) is where the ball exits the shop, and once in a while, it just drops the ball straight down the drain (this effect is multiplied in the Switch version, where it happens so frequently it’s practically expected). Yes, you can nudge to defend it, but this one of those tables where the angles are tailor-made to push the ball towards the lane rails, and also the automatic ball serve might actually just roll so that you can just barely kiss the ball with the very tip of the flipper. I have no clue why they continuously do this type of thing, but on a table with a strict time limit that wants you to shoot to the beat of the music, shouldn’t the challenge have come from making shots? Even on an experimental table, their designers would rather do everything they can possibly do to prevent you from controlling the ball. They want you to make shots to the beat of the music, but they also want to make it as hard as possible to get off a shot. The absolute worst possible thing is someone holding the ball with the flipper. They couldn’t even let that mentality go this one time on a table that’s trying to do something no pinball table has ever done before. At this point, you have to wonder if Zen Studios design staff hobbles around on crutches on account of their constant shooting themselves in the foot. I wanted to give this a BAD rating because of the hostility towards ball control, but I couldn’t. The targets are too fun. The orbits are. The modes are. They’re so much fun that the story isn’t “Crypt of the NecroDancer barely gets a Clean Scorecard.” It’s “Crypt of the NecroDancer should have entered the Pantheon and it didn’t come close.”
Cathy: GOOD (3 out of 5) THE PITS* on Nintendo Switch (1 out of 5)
Angela: GOOD – (BAD on Nintendo Switch, 2 out of 5)
Oscar: GOOD (GOOD on Nintendo Switch)
Jordi: GOOD
Dash: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Sasha: GREAT (GREAT on Nintendo Switch)
Elias: GREAT (Nintendo Switch)
Primary Scoring Average: 3.33 🧹CLEAN SCORECARD🧹
Switch Scoring Average: 2.8 – GOOD
*On Switch this thing dumps ball down the drain like crazy. Orbits that you can confidently shoot in the primary versions of Pinball FX kill you in this version. It needs work.
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.