Batman (PC Engine Review)

Batman
Platform: PC Engine
Developed by Sunsoft
First Released October 12, 1990
Never Released in the United States
NEVER BEEN RE-RELEASED

“Gotcha nose!”

What Sunsoft-developed, Batman video game based on the 1989 Tim Burton movie were YOU expecting? Sunsoft actually made four completely different games based on the film, and I’m fascinated with how one company made four games that look and feel and play nothing like each-other, all based on one movie. Actually, it’s pretty smart when you think about it. If you make one core game, then mold it to fit each platform, gamers would probably be inclined to buy only the most “advanced” one, and MAYBE the handheld version. But, if you make unique games for each platform, each game is potentially bought four times by the parents of spoiled children. Score! Of course, that wouldn’t really work if the games aren’t all decent quality, and it really, really wouldn’t help if one of them doesn’t come out in America at all. As scorching hot as Batman was during this time frame, you have to wonder why this Batman didn’t come out on the TurboGrafx-16. Actually, yea, why didn’t it? It doesn’t suck, does it? Sigh.

You can only cross the roads using the crosswalk. Hey, the Dark Knight is many things, but a jaywalker isn’t one of them.

In this PC Engine exclusive, you guide Batman through 48 stages of mind-numbingly dull mazes searching for that specific stage’s MacGuffins. In level two, it’s actually Mario Sunshine a decade early, as Batman has to wipe the Joker’s paint off masterpieces at a museum. The actual things you’re picking up (or wiping off) don’t matter, as they don’t enhance the gameplay and you’re really doing the same thing in every level. While you do this, a small handful of enemies attack you, but you have a significant advantage over them: your batarangs. They don’t actually kill the enemies. Not because Batman doesn’t kill. Oh no, they stun the enemies so Batman can kill them with his bare.. well, his gloved hands. Actually, they fly off the screen like cartoons, but that’s better than poofing out of existence.

“Look, my hand’s a dog! Arf! Arf!”

You can upgrade the batarang via pick-ups that increase the distance and amount of batarangs you can throw at once. I hope you have fun with them, because Batman has one button gameplay. The batarang is your entire offense, with both buttons throwing it and no other usable inventory items. There’s a handful of other pick-ups, like bombs that clear the screen, speed-ups, timer increases, and invincibility. Oh, and a Joker icon that I only saw once that takes away all your upgrades. But, no other fun bat gadgets, unless you count the warp blocks in later stages as using a grappling hook, because that’s how they’re animated. Still, a Batman game where Batman doesn’t have tons of fun Bat-toys just sounds boring, doesn’t it? And while having just batarangs MIGHT have been okay, the problem is you have an unlimited supply of them. Part of me thinks just the act of significantly limiting the amount of ammo you have would have saved the game. It would have given Batman PCE a sense of strategy, and likely several exciting moments of having to flee from enemies instead of just mindlessly smacking them with a batarang and walking into them. You also don’t lose your upgrades when you die. Presumably you will if you game over, but that won’t happen, so don’t sweat it. As long as your timing is accurate, the PC Engine Batman is an absurdly easy game. I had so many lives that the counter was stuck at x9 for a while, even though I was losing lives.

Further cementing how easy this is, you can throw your batarangs through walls to stun enemies. You’re also given a very generous grace period to finish them off after this.

The Wikipedia page for this game describes it as “reminiscent of Pac-Man and Bomberman” because, presumably every top-down 8bit game that takes places in a maze must be called as such. But, you really shouldn’t mistake this for a maze chase game. There’s no tension at all. With enemies this outmatched and extra lives as plentiful as they are, Batman is a slog. Even when the enemies move faster, the maze structure of the game usually gives you plenty of time to turn around and wait for them to get you. The hardest of the chaser-type enemies, the ones that rush directly at you, still rarely got me. Players are at too much of an advantage. There’s no adjustable difficulty, mind you. As far as I can tell, there’s not even a second, harder quest. This is it. This is the whole game.

All the cool things you’d hope for in a Batman game, like the Batmobile, are relegated to cut scenes between worlds. Lame.

In the few times where I actually lost a life, it was usually because I spammed the attack button at the wrong time and was stuck in the throw animation waiting for my batarangs to return to me. Once I remembered to pace myself, I never lost another life until the finale. Some enemies have guns, but without hyperbole they have the slowest moving bullets I’ve ever seen in a game like this. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure the bullets move slower than the slowest moving enemies walk. To the game’s credit, they did incorporate this into the level design with little spaces to duck into while you wait for bullets to pass, but even this doesn’t make things any better. When PCE Batman shows a rare example of being clever by putting the shooters on an island and thus possible to stun but impossible to kill, it wasn’t as exciting as I was hoping for. Their bullets are so slow and the batarangs stun enemies so long that those areas went by faster than when I had to fight enemies directly.

Batman claims the four Triforces and dominion over Hyrule. Hey wait a second.. there’s only THREE Triforces! IT’S RIGHT IN THE NAME! TRIforce. Then again, Four is in there too. Well, FOR is.

The level design feels pretty repetitive too. Whether the stage is set in buildings or city streets, the novelty of a rare Batman game never released in America wears off fairly quickly thanks to samey map logic. The 48 stages are divided into four game worlds of 12 levels, followed by one final boss wave. Maybe mixing and matching themes like in Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle/Roger Rabbit would have helped. Hell, worlds 1 and 4 are both labeled “Gotham City” which.. I mean, I took it for granted that was the case. Where else would we be? Metropolis? Coast City? Apokolips? Hell, worlds 2 and 3, despite being labeled as a museum and a chemical factory, were probably also in Gotham City, because, you know, Batman! Wherever you’re at, the idea is the same: find all the doohickeys. They’re not ever cleverly placed and they don’t do anything. They just lay around. Sometimes.. rarely, really.. more territory opens up if you find all in an area, but that mostly happens at the start of the game and is abandoned quickly. It’s not enough. We’re talking about a Batman game where he fights the Joker. They could have done something clever, like the Joker booby trapped the target items, so you need to find the matching item to disarm it first. Something to lend an actual puzzle element to this. I’m so frustrated by how unimaginative this is, and it came out nearly a year after the Batman movie was screened in Japan. It’s not like they had to rush to make a deadline.

I died the most fighting the first of three bosses the game ends on. He’s only vulnerable when he’s jump kicking you. Of course, you’re stun locked yourself when throwing your weapon. We basically had a series of draws and I came out on top by virtue of having more lives than it did. I lost a few lives to the Joker too. Second boss can be beaten in one or two hits if you play it right.

In some levels, there’s triangles that act as warp blocks, and sometimes they take you to different spots depending on which way you walk into them. That sounds fine, but it further interrupts an already sluggishly paced game by having you watch the animation of Batman firing off his grappling hook to leave the block, then fall gracefully at the next location. Also, when you land, you’re invincible as long as you don’t move. You can even throw batarangs and the enemies will still pass through you as long as you sit still. This was presumably done to prevent cheap deaths, but a tiny grace period would have been preferred. It might have even made the game exciting. I swear to god, it’s like the development team was gung-ho to make another game but got pissy when Sunsoft’s overlords said “no, not a platformer. The NES is getting one of those” and sabotaged the game.

The final battle with the Joker involves chattering teeth bombs and a big gun. Oddly, the game ends with three bosses in a row when there were no bosses up to this point. Why didn’t they spread them out over the course of the game?

I read a lot of lists of “best hidden gems/Japan exclusive” types of lists. It should have been a massive red flag that I don’t think I’ve seen the PC Engine build of Batman on any of them. You’d think a Japanese exclusive release of a definitively American property such as Batman would be one of those legendary lost classics, right? And it’s not even like this Batman does anything BAD, exactly. It controls fine, never does cheap shots, and would probably be much more enjoyable for young children who love the franchise. But, it’s just so uninspired and soulless. I didn’t like Sunsoft’s Gremlins 2 NES game, but I’d prefer something adventurous like that over this uninspired drivel. A game where Batman doesn’t punch and the Batmobile and Batwing only show up in cutscenes between levels? Seriously? That’s what annoys me most about Batman for the PC Engine: this could have been ANY property or a generic game with boomerangs as weapons and it would have changed absolutely nothing. Say what you will about the coin-op from Atari Games (I certainly have) but there’s no doubt about it that you’re playing a game based on the Tim Burton movie. I’d call it a soulless cash grab, but I suppose it can’t even be that if they never brought it to the US, so it’s even worse than that. It’s just soulless.
Verdict: NO!

I don’t know why, but this cracked me up.