Trailer Park King Episode 2
January 6, 2012 6 Comments
It’s no secret that the most read review I’ve had so far was for Trailer Park King. Which is kind of shitty because it’s not one of my better ones. Hopefully I do better this time. Then again, hopefully the game is better. Not that Trailer Park King was awful. It wasn’t. It was alright. It was probably the best point and click adventure game I’ve played so far on Xbox Live Indie Games. Which isn’t saying much. It would be like saying having your pinky toe removed was the best amputation you’ve had yet.
It was the most searched game on my site because it has boobies on the cover and if you play the demo the game teases that there is porn in it. Don’t believe me? 14 of the top 30 search terms linking to my site have centered around Trailer Park King. Including “Trailer Park King Porn” and “Trailer Park King Nudity.” Of course, there is no porn or nudity in the game, because Microsoft doesn’t allow it. I know the average Xbox Live player’s IQ is on par with some forms of kelp, but don’t you think if that kind of shit was allowed, it would have been right up Rockstar’s alley? It certainly would have made the whole “Niko Bellic watches TV” shit less boring in GTA IV. Or don’t you think some other XBLIG developer would have made a game called “Oh Fuck It” where you go around sexing-up ATM machines or border collies or something?
There will be a FAQ for Trailer Park King Episode 2 at the bottom of this review. But as spoiler, there are no boobies, nudity, or porn in this game. If you actually expected that, congratulations, you now have full confirmation that you will die a virgin. This frees you to do other things with your time. I hear croquet is quite relaxing.
To the game. It picks off right where the original left off. Well, kind of. The ending sort of teased some nefarious plot twist, but that doesn’t actually happen. King’s rival, Truck, wasn’t dead. But now he’s dead again. Or for the first time. Maybe. The game starts with everyone preparing for his funeral. Only he’s not dead, but everyone thinks he’s a zombie. Didn’t Red vs. Blue already do this whole thing?
From there, you get the usual assortment of white trash jokes, potty humor, and sexual innuendos. I admit, I laughed a few times. But it was never because I found something to be genuinely funny. It was uncomfortable laughter, the type you might experience yourself if your deranged uncle stood up at Mass and declared that Moses was a closet homo.
The actual game is pretty much the same. There’s not a whole lot to point at or click on in this point and click adventure. You’ll never hold more than one trinket at a time and once you’ve clicked on something useless that doesn’t move the plot forward, you can’t click on it again. That’s actually a pretty useful feature. There are a couple of minigames this time around. One of them is a shooting range with a shitty aiming system. Thankfully you only have to play it once and it seems to make no difference in the story. The second is Tic Tac Toe. Oh well, it beats playing Raventhorne I suppose.
The storyline is so completely surreal and absurd that I’m convinced Sean Doherty could sell it as an animated series to Adult Swim and make himself a millionaire. Yes, the writing is dumb and the voice acting is horrible, but I actually kind of like the characters, and I look forward to seeing what other stupid shit they’ll get themselves into. Hopefully I don’t have to wait long. It took me well under an hour to beat Episode 2. Sean isn’t sure how he’s going to handle the progression of the series. He had to break this episode up to keep the price at 80MSP and avoid the deadly 240MSP price tag. And then, as soon as his game got approved for publishing, Microsoft changed their policies. Now he’s not sure if he’s going to release the rest of the game as patched DLC or if he’s going to sell it in another episode.
I’m frugal, so the consumer in me says “just patch the game!” But I’m also a business person, and that side of me says “you’re a God damned fucking idiot if you don’t release it as another episode.” We’re talking about a game whose review is more popular here than all other articles I’ve done combined. Well, that is if you exclude Temple of Dogolrak. You know, I’ve come to the sad realization that someone is going to create the ultimate Xbox Live Indie Game. It will combine risqué themes with a Minecraft clone and the end result will be someone at Microsoft having their head explode when they see how big of a royalty check they have to write for a game called Boobcraft.
80 Microsoft Points are just as guilty as everyone else for doing this review at 2:00AM on Friday just to have the first review of this game in the making of this review.
Trailer Park King Episode 2 Walkthrough FAQ Thingie
Just because I know everyone is going to want it. Below is a list of things you’ll have to do in the game. Highlight the space following them for the answers. I try to keep things relatively spoiler free, because someone actually bitched at me for spoiling the game for them last time while they were looking up answers to the game’s puzzles in the fucking walkthrough.
How do I free Truck’s body from the ice? Go to the limo and get a lighter from Vikki. Go to your bedroom and a sheep will be waiting there. Now go to Truck’s body and weep as gaming culture is set back at least ten years.
Where did “Zombie” Truck go? First, you have to go to the outhouse where Truck’s body was on ice. Then, you have to go to the bar. The lady inside will tell you that someone locked themselves inside the strip club. The magic store will now be open. Go there to get the key from Dozer. Go back to the strip club and viola!
I’m hopelessly retarded. Please just tell me how to beat the game from here on out. Sigh. Okay, go talk to Truck in his jail cell thingie. Then go talk to the spacey alien chick. Go to the bar, then the strip club and talk to Skinny. Go back to the jail and talk to Vikki. Now take Truck to the strip club. Take the book to the top outhouse. Congratulations, “you” just beat the game.
Seriously, no nudity? No.
No porn either? I fucking hate you.