August 5, 2012 4 Comments
Just by hearing the description of Face Slapper, you’ll know it’s on the wrong platform. The idea is a bunch of faces will appear on a play field. Using the analog stick, you line up a cursor over a face and press a button to slap it. You get points for smacking dude and lose points for hitting chicks or animals. Yea, this was without question a game designed with a touch-screen interface in mind. Face Slapper is also out on Windows Phone, which is likely an okay fit. I would personally prefer a bigger screen like iPad, but WP is easier to program for, even if it has a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the users.
On the Xbox? Meh. Face Slapper is actually pretty dumbed down. The slapper is made to be pretty generous, smacking only the things that give you points, so if a bunch of faces are together, feel free to get button-stabby. In fact, I theorized that you could chuck effort out the window and just button-mash while wiggling the controller all over the screen. My previous, “pretend like I give a shit” efforts resulted in scores ranging from like 5,000 points to 8,000 points. My “don’t give a shit” button-spammer approach netted me over 12,000, and I only stopped because my thumb got tired. That, my friends, is broken game design.
Oddly enough, I did have an extremely limited amount of fun with Face Slapper, but that was had trying to unlock all the fake achievements in the game, which are pretty clever. The real challenging one was trying to finish the game with a score of exactly negative one point. I never actually accomplished it, but for a total of ten minutes I actually did want to. Then the feeling passed. It was like a bout of gaming constipation.
I can’t go out and recommend Face Slapper, just because it really is on the wrong platform. This is a game designed with the precision of a touch screen in mind. I can’t blame them for at least attempting to port it over the XBLIG, because as lightweight as the platform is, it’s unquestionably more viable than Windows Phone. But Face Slapper’s problems extend beyond its control scheme. The graphics aren’t distinctive enough, the background images can be disorienting, and I don’t feel there’s enough variety in gameplay. If you have a Windows Phone, it might be worth a look at. Also, ha ha, you own a Windows Phone!
80 Microsoft Points came this close to putting a game on the leaderboard designed by the guys who made Avatar Planking in the making of this review.