Insane Zombie Carnage
April 23, 2012 Leave a comment
I don’t like to play iPhone or even iPad games with flimsy, fake control schemes. I just can’t get the hang of virtual controls. So I missed out on the Super Crate Box craze. Well, if you can call it that. Compared to other popular games like Draw Something, Cut the Rope, or Angry Birds, Super Crate Box is more like a mild rage than a craze. I hadn’t given the game a second thought until Brian and I did Indies in Due Time a few weeks ago, where we previewed yet another fucking zombie game, Insane Zombie Carnage. Several of my readers immediately recognized it as a Super Crate Box clone. I didn’t, because I never played it. So I went into Crazy Undead Bloodbath without any prejudice. Except against people of all races and religions, but that’s unrelated to the game.
So the idea behind Super Zombie Box is zombies rain down and you have to shoot them while collecting crates. Wooden crates contain weapons of varying usefulness while question mark crates alter the flow of the game. Body count is irrelevant, and so are the question mark boxes. The object of the game is to get as many of the wooden boxes as you can before dying. You start with one stage and unlock alternative modes and levels based on how big a streak you can get.
So what did I think? I played it for an hour and I would rather be dead than ever play it again. What a boring concept. Don’t get me wrong, if suicide was not an option, I would choose Insane Zombie Carnage over Super Crate Box, simply based on my hatred of iOS virtual controls. Loony Brain-Muncher Brouhaha actually controls fairly decently, which shocked the fucking hell out of me. Clones tend to skimp on such features as playability in favor of cha-chinging and rolling in the dough. I do think it’s a touch on the sensitive side, and the collision detection seems a bit off as well. I cut a few zombie encounters close but know I missed them and I still died. If I had actually gave a shit about the game, I would have been pissed off about that. But, by that point, I couldn’t have given two shits less about it. Perhaps this was because of crates that spawn right under where the zombies drop in at, making them almost impossible to fetch.
I wasn’t a huge fan of Preposterous Poltergeist Pandemonium, but I’m sure there are some Super Crate Box fans out there who are happy to be able to play this on a console. Even if it’s not even close to the same game. It doesn’t have the same graphics style. It doesn’t have that “world-wide community” feel that Super Crate Box has. It doesn’t have the word “super” in it. It seems more like it exists to rub in the fact that this is as close as you can get if you’re among the handful of losers out there that still haven’t been assimilated by the Apple Collective. But again, I really liked this more than Super Crate Box. Which is like saying I would prefer to have my head blown of with a bazooka than be slowly disembowed using a rusty, urine-soaked samurai sword.
EDIT: Super Crate Box apparently got its start as a PC game. Um. Yea. Move along. Please. Pretty please. With cherries on top?
80 Microsoft Points says repetition is the heart of gaming, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck 90% of the time in the making of this review.